Wrote it today and it’s one of my favorite poems… and that’s a lot to say, cause I don’t like most of my poems.
 
Embezzled Identity
 
Somehow along the lines I lost my identity
I wander among the fragments of who I used to be
Try to place it all together, like a scrambled puzzle
But do I even need to bother, my mind jumps up razzing,
Like a mental seizure; shaking and seizing
All of my memories that jumble and race and push on
And try to top one another
It gets bloodier and gorier
It’s like giant boulders adding even more weight on my shoulders
I wish I could drop it but my pride won’t let me do this
I can’t back down from all the bullshit I’m facing now
Precisely the same as I had to go through back then,
Just before it all came burning down to the damn ground
Just like in my teen years when I used to hear whispers coming from the walls
They came pressuring on till I was overcome
And they finally convinced me; I decided to sell my soul
To the imaginary devil that was speaking inside of my head
Those were the days when I resituated my cold corpse and praise on the dead
Cause I wanted to be recognized as being as one of the most talented and artistic
Defying all logic and raising the bar to the point it is stoic
Hunger to reach for the zenith and keeping my fingers crossed for it
I was nothing but a low self-esteem loser,
Being picked on by these damn pricks,
Flushing my head inside the school’s toilets
Having my money stolen from my pockets
I would always freeze when all I wanted was to flip
And give back to those dipshits all that they deserve
They drove me insane to the point that they drew on my head’s map a curve
I remember whenever they would beat me down,
As the air in my brain would drain and I’d collapse
It would send countless electrodes’ waving signals,
Shockingly intensifying my body’s discomfort
My lungs would hyperventilate, clogging up my vessels
Contrasting spasms on my muscles,
Making my thick bones tick and my tight teeth grin
As my patience and grasp of reality be wearing thin
My heart would accelerate to limitless speeds
Blazingly cooking in my veins, boiling up my blood
Revolting my stomach to the point it would made me sick
But I did my best, I dealt well with what I was given
I bought a bat and I bashed their heads in
No, I’m kidding, I didn’t kill them
Although at times I wish I could be their assassin
Each day I’m less of a psychopath
And becoming more of a sociopath
I still dislike most things that come across my path
I’m still dealing with anger issues and wrath
But I hide it all under my sleeves
Pretend it alright
I disguise it with my smile
Play the cards right
I’m an artist with emotional issues
Turbulent notions
Impulses like devils, massacring the innocence
Like cannibals, feeding from all that its human flesh
Losing sense of what life is
Driving the thoughts on my head out of their lines
Out of their safe place, their shelter
Still I can’t par with the pause in this war
I must part ways with forms in conforming
In relying at the lying of truth
I must always have my system up
I know this is messed up
I just can’t shut off the engines
The machinery is all haywire
But I don’t want to burst my tongue in fire for being a liar
And at the end of it all goes blur,
I can’t define what’s real anymore
I can’t recognize the deviance that has come upon myself
I just go all the way
Though I think I’m not crazy
I’m thinking I might be losing my mind a bit
All I was taught how to be scholar
Luciferian for the sign of the dollar  
Ripping my teeth outs, even my molars
Jumping from one identity to the other
I’m not even bipolar,
Cause I got three fucking different characteristic
Individualistic personalities
One that’s strangling my collar
One that’s stabbing my chest and one slitting my wrists
And this unholy trinity plays with what’s left of me
Just a dusty coffin cuffed up from the pits of hell
And what else can I say?
This portrait pictured of who I used to be
A small child raped, a young boy beaten
Begging for the heavens and Gods to make notice
But now I know that my life is nothing more than a mess
Less of a bless, left dead for a blissful wishing.
 
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Comments
  1. crissybwell says:

    This poem is very powerful and I can feel each line. It is both conviction filled and depressive, yet still strong. I can relate to the emotions and feelings that you express in this poem. I think that at times we just have to get the mess out and see it all written down and out of our heads and hearts. Life is hard and we stumble and fall a lot and feel just complete beaten down and hopeless, but when we feel that we always get that reminder that life really isn’t that way. Everything that we go through and deal with makes us who we are and in the end, hope is always alive. We get through and life does get better despite the struggle. All of the mess and chaos of my life brought me to you and for that I wouldn’t change a thing. Love you!! ❤ ❤

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