Weighting the Outlet
More writers’ block coming my way
I don’t know what to write, what to say
Don’t know if to be brutally honest
Or complicated confusingly metaphoric
I don’t know if to address again my personal struggles
Or try to humble others with my “read between lines” rhymes
Either way it’s not like many are gonna read it
Less are gonna understand half of it
Cause art has become as stale as the psychiatric help
For someone who doesn’t feel needs help at all.
I know I need a lot
But still I’m so scared that I hide my fears inside
And pretend that everything is not as bad
As my nightmares and lack of sleep
When this voice in my head screams
At me, telling me, “Jesus, man!”
“You’re fucking losing your mind”
That’s why every night I wake up
Gasping for air and chocking
I subliminally hate myself so much
That my inner demon is trying to dispose of me.
Every time I try to rest
This voice in me keeps yapping and yapping
Laughing whenever I fail and fall down
Pushing me to end this nightmare
Cornering me to the point I can’t take it anymore
Convincing me that my frustrations won’t stop
And my life won’t be better or ever be fixed
Enclosing me into this cage
Prisoning me inside my own fear and hate
Each day nailing me deeper into my cross
Mocking at the fact that I might not ever see my children again
Whispering as loud as it can at my ears
“God doesn’t love you but loves watching you be in pain”
“That’s where your faith and loyalty drove you”
“Having a bitch take everything you fought for stolen”
“Why this fucking human justice will always spit at your face”
“You lost your rights as a father, your freedom of speech…
distorted in the lies of a woman who wants to only torture you.”
“You lost your job, your house, your kids, your whole family”
“You self-esteem, as low and as little as it might’ve been.
And now you’re losing sleep as your losing your mind”
“And that Karma bitch seems to hate you and be against you too”
“Stop writing words on a page you call poetry,
Thinking you’re any good at it…
You hallucinating arrogant prick!
Nobody is gonna read none of your shit
Take you seriously as an artist,
Or an honest human being struggling.
So instead of just whining, just grab a knife
And slit your goddamn wrists.
Finally and stop this goddamn drama!
Cause nobody gives a fuck about your life;
Especially none of your friends or your fans.
You know you have your love one for the time being,
But when you fuck up, she too will leave.
It’s only you and me, man!
I’m stronger than you!
I am the demon in your heart and soul!
I am hate, and anger, and pride!
I’m you and you created me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I won’t die until I kill you first;
Destroy your life,
Rip everything you love from you,
Drive you insane,
And teach you how all of this never made any goddamn sense in the first place.”
  1. crissybwell says:

    Wow this is intense, I can’t even put into words, just the honesty and the rawness. I am humbled by reading this, just sort of in awe of it, but I can feel the emotions in it and just the pain you express and it breaks my heart. I wish that I could take it all always, but all I can do is keep standing, staying by your side as you do mine. I know all about the “voices” the things that replay in your head and I can’t change what was and I can’t speak to what will be, but I know right now that I have everything I need with you, we are both a little crazy eh 😉 I love you dearly and sometimes this honesty is what we need and what we must share for ourselves and sanity. I can’t make it better, and I am sorry for all that you have gone through, but all I can say is if you keep staying by my side then I will stay right by yours. I love you with all my heart and will let the future figure itself out and continue to hope for the best for us both. ❤ ❤ ❤

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