Archive for December, 2013

In a Sick and Twisted Way
I know you’re getting tired of me playing the smartass
But when you do, baby, you lose all your pretty ditty class
My intention is not to lose another love because of my temper
So when I make my jokes you might as well hold a bit tighter.
I’m a box full of surprises with a warning note attached to it
You better read it, cause baby, I, as well, am, full of shit
Half kidding, half being brutally honest, even I miss the dividing line
To differentiate the immediate truth from the penned up psychological issues.
And yes, I’m a corner you like an animal running from its life
Yes, I’m a strip you of all you’re hiding away from me in fear
Isn’t it manly when I can deal in such a pacifying pace?
Isn’t it sexy when I implode and destroy everything at my reach?
I’m in need of some help
Won’t you help me please?
But don’t forget…
…That you’re in need of some help
Won’t you let me help you please?
Apparently three decades are not enough for my brain to mature
I would try to be like others, but baby, that’s just simply cow manure
I’m watching this life from a great distance but also with a microscope
And oh, baby, there’s some things I can deal with, but others that I simply cannot cope.
So for every asswipe who wouldn’t give me the recognition that I deserve,
I need to sacrifice another scared virgin for the sake of my imaginary demon feed
So pee in a cup, lady luck, the winners will always win forever
And the losers as me, well, we will keep digging holes for the winner’s corpses.
Heavy are the thousand pictures weighting in my head
Regretting all the things I should’ve done or said
Now time and space are the bridge that has been broken
The usual utter silence runs hastily, taking its place.
There’s a thing we can’t stop
Even if we tried with all our prayers
These are the thoughts that stay on top
But then again a well deserve rest is what you’ve been asking.
Isn’t it funny? Years pass as if we’re going to be here forever
The circumstances of the past come to haunts us and devour us
But you have made good with your master; soul and everything
So when you speak of your words, you know your journey wasn’t in vain.
I cannot deny the fact that this is gonna hurt me severely
You know the love you have given is being reciprocated
Now wrapped in the sheets that only wake you feel cold
You shiver out the heat of the rays that penetrated your skin.
I don’t want to conclude this letter
Without saying I’m sorry
Without accepting I could’ve done more
Afraid of the outcome, I ran away
And left you alone with the hope of helping me out
You are a great teacher
One of the best I’m proud having been taught by
And if I could, I would, turn back time
Make you proud of me
I’m so sorry I wasn’t courageous enough to be there for you when you needed me the most
I am truly deeply sorry.
The Imaginary Adversary
I tried to write down words that would make me sound like a smart man
I even wrote a thousand verses in a thousand styles that I don’t think you’ll understand
But when you are born to be furniture, or ever worse to be a damn carpet
You can only greet people by bowing down to their feet as the walk all over you.
“Oh marvelous way of writing this newbie has”
But fuck you cause goddamn it I’m not a noob
“Such a foul mouth this so called gentle man has”
I’ve seen more venomous things under a preacher’s tongue.
How much dirt you think is needed to drown and finally kill this kid inside?
He’s begging for attention, he’s been locked inside this dungeon for far too long
“Oh my God, we need to gag him, hold his chains a little bit tighter
Cause damn him, man, he reminds all of us that we are still human.”
“Slit his throat; that’s what he writes in most of his rhymes!”
“You can throw him in the river; the stupid asswipe doesn’t know how to swim”
“Don’t you fucking fall for his charm, he’s hypnotically seductive…
…when he speaks of this life in a way that makes us reflect about our own intents.”
Oh, as god is my witness, I tried to write words that would fit your selective minds
But you always change patterns as long as the patterns form a goddamn trend in line
And I can’t follow sheep that eat from their own defecation, no I can’t….
I prefer to be my own underdog smelling my own ass as I shit all over you dumbasses.
Enter second stanza, for those who doesn’t know that’d be the second verse
Sometimes I feel like aliens have urinated on my luck, and then left me naked in the universe
Another pill to pop as the popping sizzling sound of idiosyncrasy follows through
Just a step in the right direction in our “adhocracy” might rise for the occasion to save us all.
A Stab in the Dark
I was living in a hole
Drenched with alcohol
It was never my way to escape
It was only my way to drown
Then I left the scribbles on the wall
For a reader to rope down and reply
This has never happened before
Could it possible that I matter after all?
You stretched until you reached
This “impossible” attempt ever present
No one has ever done anything like this
Could this be the answer to my prayers?
Come, show me love
Show me the way out
Like the thousand times you’ve had
Just show me one more time
The thoughts in my head
They don’t let me see
The beautifulness ahead
The mystery to be unleashed.
This is happiness
And I want more of it
Induce my soul with it
Seduce my heart infinitely.
This is happiness
And with you it’s right
Hold me closer every day
Give me shelter every night.
Confession I must make
I’ve always dreamt of something like this
Cause every life you save
Is every wound you can heal in your spirit.
Every line of every beautiful song
Is where your presence comes along
So every time I write about my heart
I write about you, my one and only love.
So I’ll show you love
Show you that I’m the real deal
Like the thousand times I’ve done before
I’m gonna be here for you forevermore
And those thoughts inside your head
That doesn’t let you see
They are the one you soon will forget
So the mystery could be unleashed.
This is happiness
And if you want more of it
I’ll induce your soul with it
Seduce your heart infinitely.
This is happiness
And with you it’s right
I’ll hold you closer every day
Give you shelter every night.
This is the chance that our hearts
Will have to true feelings
This is a stab in the dark
To let the spark of your light in…


Don’t Wake Me Up if the End is here
My memories are a thing of the past
I am lifeless, soulless and futureless
All I am is a scent of who I used to be
I won’t become anything, I am stuck.
All the love I feel you won’t understand
You only can see love through a smile
I’m trying to deal with these issues while only addressing myself
But now that you’re part of my life, I guess I’ll drag you along with.
My fear has me completely paralyzed
I don’t think I can leave these four walls
Is the thing you tell me every chance you got
I know it, I know it, don’t become another defeating voice.
All the things I want I wish I could bleed them out
I wish you would see that these are my true intentions
I’m trying to move on with life, the only way I know and I can
And now that you’re here with me, I think I’m keeping you prisoner too.
I will grow old until I turn to dust
Life’s infinite time is simply too much
Take every piece of my heart and of my mind
As another family member dies and my memories along with them.
I pray for the end and it’s not because I’m depressed
But because I feel so tired and I deserve a rest
Too watch my babies grow old would be a blessing
But more than that I pray for them not to live like I’ve been living.
So please, don’t wake me up if the end is here
I don’t need to live in anger, don’t need to live in pain, don’t need to live in fear
Just let me rest in the arms of my Lord, if there is such
I have never denied his existence so I hope he greets me with his graceful love.
The Escapee with no Escape
Shove me into the darkness
To escape the sound of your voice
Just keep me inside the noise
To bleed all of my pain sincerely.
Twenty years are not enough
To escape these demons in me
These demons you seeded and nurtured
Out of your disagreeing abusive ways.
This problem of mine become theirs
These problems of our become theirs
How are you to care of your young ones…
When you cannot even take care of yourself?
Pull me into reality
I had my share of it
It’s all about the money
Fuck being a human being.
Thirty years are not enough
To erase the scars you left inside me
The scars you drew to remind me forever
That I’ll always be broken and naked.
Everything I learned from you
Is everything I have to forget now
How can I teach my young ones something good…
When all that you taught me was to feel useless?
Fifteen years are not enough
Ten years are not enough
I made my share of mistakes
But I paid for it before I even learned from any of them.
A Goodbye Letter to My Children
When I die I want you to know that I love you
When I die I want you to know that I tried my best
For us to be back together
I tried my best to fix it all once more
I tried with my all my heart and all my strength.
When I die I want you to know it’s not your fault
When I die I want you to know this is where life got me
With all its lies and deceive-ness
And you were only part of its beauty
You were the main reason that I kept on living.
When I die the hardest thing for me will be to leave you behind
Even farther than what I’ve already done
I’m so, so sorry
When I die the most painful thing for me will be the pain I will cause you
Even more than all that I’ve already caused
I wish things weren’t this way.