Archive for February, 2014

Proven Point

This life feels surreal
So what’s the deal?
Why does it all have to be such an ordeal?
How do I deal with all the things that I feel?
Should I bottle them up and as I keep filling them
With the next bullshit situation that comes across
For how long should I carry this cross?
For its heavy weight is almost devastating
And the fair share seem to be procrastinating
By all the years that have already passed by
I wonder how come I still here and alive
So many times I thought, contemplating suicide
It would be so much easier than to face of all the things that lie outside
Of this door, that waits for me to slip and fall
Yes, I hear them yelling, my name they call
Are either my demons, or my fears, maybe it’s all
Of the bullshit that still burns inside of my soul
Then I throw a tantrum and discharge all of my anger on the people I love
Distancing them even more than the distance I’ve drawn
For myself, cause sometimes I want to be left alone
And other times all I wish is for this hurt to be gone
I don’t trust anybody, not even my own
So how am I to rely my heart on someone if I don’t let anyone
Become part of my life and so on be the proof that I need
To realize that things are not is as bad as they present themselves to be.

Never been addicted to anything except for my own personal addictions
That means trying to be on top, trying to get some recognition
While my heart and my brain battle intensively in constant affliction
I love being myself, but in a sense, it’s hard to be in this position
To the point you reflect all of your most private fears in full exposition
It’s like I turned the ignition key and the press on the accelerator
Of my hand, my tongue, my rage and my guts
And I’m driving this vehicle of communication off a cliff
And I just can’t hit the breaks in time to stop
I’m a junkie for statements that portrait the truth
That dares to address controversial topics just to
Bring some light and shake some consciousness into our conscience
Yeah, I’m a man of faith, I’m a man of science
If there was a way to avoid both of them I’d say they’re both fairytales
Who am I to tell what’s real other than all of these human emotions
I tend to walk against the trend, I take action against this motion
Suspicious most times when it comes to people’s behavior
That’s why I keep them at bay, I feel safer being a waver
Their opinions divide about what they think I am
Some think I’m an asshole, others that I’m a joker
But I understand, sometimes I even don’t get why I am the way that I am
I severely dislike most of the things that I come to see with my eyes
I just can’t believe most of the prejudice, injustice and pure deviance
I don’t know what to make of it but to speak and write about it
Extremely political, I spit words that end up bringing up a spiritual aspect.
I regard others’ opinion until there’s nothing else left to respect
In this aspect, I direct my ticked off thoughts to the ones that are synonymous
To the way that keeps them away from being strayed and stays being continues.

“So what’s the proven point?
Or the point you want to prove?”
These muscles, this flesh and these joints
Are severely torn and I can barely move
As I crawl to the finish line
I keep pushing on in my mind
The reasons why I’m doing this for;
I’m doing it all for the silenced voices of this world.

War Zone

Year by year,
Throughout my whole life
Frustrated, I tried to come up with words and rhymes
Until one night I sold my soul to the devil
So he could give me all that I needed
Exchanged it with some of the blood I’ve bled up
But apparently that was a futile deal
Cause after that night everything in my head feels surreal.

I struggled to be a poet
So I decided to quit it
But still I was good coming up with words
So I decided to use against it
Anyone or anything that would come in my road
And try to stop me from reaching my dreams.

They got more dollars than they’ve got brains
They got more books than they’ve got knowledge
Their skin are so white, they’re even see through
And the other ones are so rich that they’re even white now.

It’s not even about the information anymore
When you’re young is about the angst, or the love
It’s the way you see because you’re bored or still hope
That things tomorrow will come to be for the better and not for the worst.

I write like a rapper
Until I write down words than most morons doesn’t know the significance of
They just repeat what they think is cool or intelligent in someway
Forty percent of the words in our vocabulary are in Latin
Do you even know what the fuck they stand for?
No, you just write them and repeat them
As if they could make you be any smarter
I come from a generation that speak 8 fucking languages
I guess I am so lazy, that I can only understand three
No, I’m not calling you an idiot
I’m just saying if you wanna be recognize as an educated human being
First you have to learn about what the fuck your mouth’s spitting out
Man, why am I even trying?
Most of you are so goddamn ego centric
That you can even accept how ignorant you’ve become
But art is art as is all the same at the end of the line
But I prefer my art classy with a few sarcastic slews here and there to spice things up
But then again I’m insane
But at least I know myself
Not like half of you people
Who pretend to be something you’re not and never will be.

Poetry writing and reading is a war zone
And in this place we’re not brothers in arms
We’re just loading and cocking our best weaponry
So when it comes to the performance we will annihilate the competition
Get all of the applauses and all of the praise
And earn the fucking position we think we deserve.

My Duty as an American Citizen

The NSA is storing our conversations
Of our Facebook’s, Twitter’s and smartphones
While Hollywood is feeding us with
Teeny vampire movies and zombie TV shows
If you turn on the radio all you can hear
Are jailbait “singers” grinding and twerking
If you come by to buy a book to read
All they have is pop culture made anthologies.

If you’re straight, you better be afraid
Soon it’ll come a time that would be illegal
In a time when everything you say becomes an offense
Especially for those who want to be treated equal
Expressing yourself in a matter that contradicts the trend
Is saying that you’re against the norms and rules
Of a world that only follows whatever its news
Whatever they feel they can use to increase on their views
They don’t care about how different or similar you are
They really don’t give a shit about your convictions
Red, white or black, the time will come when
This society will still beat up without caring
The language you talk or the color of your skin
This new “unification” is another way of extinction
They want to gather us all together so they can get rid of us easily
Talk about respect of culture as they bomb another country
Is about moral values, is it about oil, about empowering?
Who the fuck cares when innocent lives are being taken
They built another temple in here for you to praise your God
While bringing them down in the places you came from
They recognize your religion while disagreeing in agreeing
That they will follow it or you in any way or form
So is this a joke of any kind? I wonder
How can something be completely incomplete
And still say it’s the very same thing we believe in?
Try to be Middle Eastern in an American airport and still wearing shoes
I am an American citizen but my ancestors were all slaughtered
And now we drink their cokes and eat in their McDonald’s
I’m not criticizing the way of life, I am criticizing the government
Racism is as to euphemism as it has been risen a new term for phobia
Afraid I am not? Not of you or anyone else
But don’t touch my plate while I’m trying to eat from it.

Come take a side, and have a stand
Most comments come from people who simply don’t understand
So grab your beer, and smoke from your bong
Most people, they don’t know when are these problems began taking form
Close-minded scientist and fanatic religious group alike
They seem to forget what’s to be one’s own, how’s to be like…
Not as another, but as oneself
That’s why they try to force you to be like they are themselves.

The age of Pisces has ended, now were in Aquarius’
The passing of believers, the ascent of the Leviathan followers
So the sons of the homunculi have come to their thrones
As it was written in books and foretold a long time ago
I have carved the sign of sight on my forehead
And given my children to the feeder, Moloch
We will watch the rise of the phoenix, the call of the beast
Let the Harlot and all of her lovers dance forward
Put a price for my soul, for I am starving
Need more of the lust, need more distracting
I need more doses of blinding numbness times ten
Oh, my Universe, that’s my duty as an American citizen.

A Poor Man’s Wish

I want to be God
I want to be in control
Of my own life
And everything around me.

I want to be happy
And when I’m angry
To yell at whomever I want
Without ever getting a backlash.

They say let it all in God’s hands
But those hands seems fall through
Cause I see everything as it’s always been
I’m still struggling, still starving.

Filled my head with words from books
Call me “Don Quixote”
I wish I could be that lost in
I wish I was one of the most read stories.

I want to be God
I want to be praised for my talents
And if I didn’t have any
I would make myself have all of them.

I want to feel comfort
More than in just my own skin
I want what it’s mine
And that’s more than the “American Dream”.

Call me egocentric, full of myself
At the end of the day none of you
Has ever given me what I need in order
To survive another day in this life.

Oh my God, writing is good
In fact it is great!
But I want the riches that comes with the knowledge
I want to be King of this very theme.

Here I am!
Give me what I want!
I know I deserve it
Stop trying to step on me,
Trying to make of me another steeping stool.

For I’m the pinnacle of this pyramid
I’m the axis, as I am the center
And when I become God
You will all bow down at my feet
And for those who won’t
I’ll prepare a very special place;
Concerning volcanic lava and fiery pits.

Trust Issues

I fear of loving you
But when I do, I do love you
I’m afraid of keeping it real
Cause when I do it is for real.

I fight with all of my hurt
I want to give you my heart
Get away, give me some space
Please, don’t ever leave from this place.

Let me scream, and vent out, and storm burst
Let me hold you, kiss you and love you once more
I’m always imploding, but I’ve been bottled up
Would you be that soothing hum to calm me down?

I fear of this life
But when you’re here I’m alive
I don’t like myself
But when you do, I’m so happy.

I fight with my insecurities
I want to give you my trust
Come here, don’t ever let me go
Please, don’t ever leave me here alone.

Give me a second, and I’ll stab all my issues to death
Please hold me, and tell me everything will be okay
I’m always running away in my mind, love
Would you be that place where I can rest my head on?

I yell, and I scream and I rip the paint off the walls
Please be my shelter for my heart, the haven for my soul
I’ll keep all of the demons of my past in their jail
Promise me I won’t have to suffer again for loving like I do.

I don’t mean to have these trust issues
But I do, and I can’t help it, baby
I don’t mean to yell and scream like I do
But I feel broken, left to feed the ravens.

When everything is gone, well, everything is gone. When there’s nothing left, well, there’s nothing left. And this includes belongings, feelings and everything that came across and became part of our everyday life. No, it wasn’t a hurricane, nor a fire, or a flood that got rid of all these things, but rather the rage of a human being. Hate and indifference can be so destructive, especially towards others. I’m the center of all this aggression. My sin: trying to correct what was seemingly uncorrectable. The backlash has been much more than destructive; it’s been overkill. It’s not enough to burn someone to death, chop it into pieces, put it in a plastic bag, dig a hole on the floor, piss all over the carcass, put gasoline over and light it on fire… No. A gathering of friends has to be done, while they laugh at your demise and spit on your chopped-up dead body. Make its children see all of these horrible events, while telling them “this is what happens when you displease mommy.”

None of that (the aforementioned) were metaphors, no, except for the fact that I’ve been physically murdered. Everything is as violent and a gruesome as it sounds. She took the house, the car, my kids, my rights, my freedom and everything else; she got rid of. She literally got rid of everything else. All of my paintings that I’ve done, everything single book of poetry I’ve written, every draft of an idea I had penned down, all of my school diplomas, degrees, and everything I’ve bought over the years. I’m talking 20 years of things that I’ve worked on and $6,000 worth of articles I’ve bought. So basically I have no record whatsoever of whom I‘ve been for the past 20 years. She got rid of everything that defined me as a human being with a history.

Guess it’s time to start anew? Like a damn baby but with grown broken body. Not being overly dramatic. My body literally hurts. I have no intentions in beginning anew. This wave of destruction either ends with her, or it will continue to swallow up everyone around. Even at distance, it haunts me like a “Japanese” ghost. Hehehe, those are the ones that never let you be even if you come to terms with them.

So how’s my anger level? I guess in control. But, my hatred level… that’s another story. I literally hate this person, and as Christian I find no struggles in that. My fellow Christians are like “man, let it go. It’s nothing.” I was even asked to repent to the sins that drove that woman become the person she is now. I mean, whut? I haven’t told the whole story here, but long story short, she wouldn’t be where she is if it wasn’t for me. This was a girl who was constantly high, drunk, sleeping around, and by that time she was only 16 years old. I’ve seen people fuck up their lives, but she truly deserved a fucking medal or a trophy. By the time she was 19 I tried to help her get sober. I stood up against her abusive parents to defend her, and took the blame for everything she’s done wrong. You know now how that ended. My sin was being a stupid masochist that would give his pride to help another.

Now I’m here, with nothing, just the law behind my back because of their naïvetés and cynical ways of not looking for the truth. I have no money but they want to look for a lot of it to give it to my ex. How much I love the corrupt system!!! I’ve spoken to every agency and told them my story, even made a written testimony, and all they’ve done with all this, is used those sheets as toilet paper to clean their dirty asses.

So what about my kids? I haven’t been able to see them in over a year. An agency is taking care of them as their mother pretend to the judge that she’s the one doing it. I’ve been accused of being a negligent father and abusive husband. Funny, I’ve never laid a finger on her, never verbally abused her, and I was the one who was always in favor of our children being taken care of by ourselves, while she was always constantly insinuating what a bother that was. I guess when the world is blind, the world is truly blind. So, yeah, I’ve got pretty much sick of most human beings, seeing how heartless and full of shit they are.

Hahaha, how much I’ve talked about myself here, huh? You still reading? No? It’s okay. Drama is boring anyways. I just felt I needed to get these things of my chest. Maybe write a damn book about it. Laugh it off a bit. Who knows? Maybe my ex will find a way to get me arrested for something else she’d lie about. I don’t care anymore. I feel so bad for my children. If I could save them, I would. But the justice system sucks and it’s only in her favor. In the meanwhile, I’ll keep here, sending her money, (the little money I have,) while the system keeps sending me letters telling me that the money I send her doesn’t pay my debts with them. So, whatever… My kids have no monetary needs. That’s a relief for me. But they do need a father. I’m trying to reach for them. Like I said I’ve spoken with countless of agencies and a lot of lawyers, and they all say, either that they’re gonna help me; which they don’t, or that my case is a lost cause. So, there we go again, another blind alley.

To sum it all up, just thanks for reading, for those who did, if you did. Godbless and I’ll be back with some more poetry soon. Take care y’all!

Inspired by the frustrations of everything going wrong. This is dedicated to a very evil person whose only purpose is to harm others. May God allow you to burn in hell, real slow…

I Won’t Make the Same Mistake Twice (I should’ve Disposed of You When I Had the Chance)

The sacrifice is in session
Slitting wrists, stabbing throats
It’s a spiritual possession
Bending rules, twisting roads

Godly people walking along with godless ones
I think they all should buy guns and target each other
Let lady luck get the best of this paranoid stand off
The sweet smell of blood when you wake in the morning.

Life goes on until it can no more
I’m gonna end this with a big kaboom
Fucking Americans will pay for their countless of deaths committed
And for the rest of the countries another piece of the truth omitted.

We won’t get up from this
I will make sure this scar will last as long as you live
I’m gonna push on the wound until you lose it
The breaking point of control is just a matter of time.

I’m way past angry
I’m on my path of nihilism
They were right all along
This world needs cleansing.

Don’t you think I don’t feel any pain
I’m way past drowned in it, into zombification
I’m only happy when it pours, when it rains
Or only when things stop moving, breathing and living on at all.