The Gift You Give Me

The Gift You Give Me

Seems like distance would open this space even wider
Seems like in our spaces we could be truer than this
Even now that I’m in, I feel like an outsider
And now up close I feel I’m the one who’s distancing.

Seems like anonymity would speak of ourselves better
Seems like in aliases we could speak so freely
And now that I know you more, I feel like you know me less
Cause I’m still keeping inside all of my secrets.

I’m so afraid that I’m not giving all that I need to give
And that just one day that would be the excuse for you to ask me to leave
I’m so afraid I’ll never be able to be all that you want me to be
And that one day you’ll come to the conclusion you’re not happy with me.

Seems like in friendship I would write better love songs
Seems like in the beginning we had more affiliation
And now that we’re physically here for one another
Things have grown stale, dealing with such confrontations.

I’m so afraid that I’ll never get rid of these poisonous feelings
And that one day you too will get sick of it
I’m so afraid that this will drive both of us even more distant
Cause all that I want is for you to be closer to me.

I’m so afraid that I will never get to be who I want to be
Somebody free of fear, free of deception, just simply free
I’m so ashamed of all of the secrets I cannot hand to you
I know that you’re here for me, but I am ashamed of the truth.


3 thoughts on “The Gift You Give Me

  1. This is so honest, raw and emotional. I can feel the doubt, fear and just truth in it. I think that at times we need to bare ourselves in our writing or not face to face so that we can really get it out there how we are feeling and thinking and doubting. I think even the strongest people fear that they are going to fail or never achieve what they want, but that is how fear works right? We have people in our lives so that we don’t become consumed with our fears. Even if we can’t open our mouths and let the truth out, in some way it always comes out, although we aren’t all so blessed to write out our feelings so beautifully. Doubt and fear doesn’t have to be something that holds us back, but we can use that to keep us moving forward and keep pushing past all those feelings. We can never stop in any area of our lives. You have someone right here who is standing beside you and I will be, I know that life is hard and there are doubts, there are always doubts, but trust in us and what we have been through. Trust in how we came together and the impossibility of it all, yet somehow we found a way to be. We will find a way, you will find a way, love found a way and we will keep moving forward with that. I love you!!

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