Archive for December, 2014

Cause there’s someone that really truly pisses me off!

Like Father Like Daughter

Shove my eyes into your lies
So I can clearer through all the bullshit
I held enough than I can hold inside
And from this fucked up game I want to forfeit.

You fucking piece of shit
You deserve to die!
You disgraceful, human waste
Why won’t you die?

Can’t give a shit about you
I don’t really fucking care for your life
All that you are is a fucking cancer
All I pray about is for God to take you down.

You fucking piece of shit
You deserve to die!
You disgraceful, human waste
Why won’t you die?

You lying piece of shit
You disgraceful, human waste
Why won’t you choke?
Drunk drive and kill yourself!
I have no appreciation for your life
You have no value and no worth
All that you can do is commit suicide
To fix it for us you fucking whore!

Fuck you!
You fucking piece of worthless shit!
You are all that’s evil in the flesh
Why won’t God deal with you already?

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Cogitationum (Thoughts)

Let’s us drive to nowhere
Anywhere is better than this place here
Let’s us jump off this cliff
Anything is better than just standing still.

My mind is consumed by the thoughts of the day’s hardship
I want to free it, I want to clean it, release the dust and come anew
My heart is troubled by the uncertainty of tomorrow’s problems
I want to let it go, set it afloat, watch it sail and enjoy the fresh waters.

Let’s fill this plate with what our eyes can reach to see
We can always share the left overs with the ones in need
Let’s help a stranger for the sake of being spontaneous and generous
There’s no bigger reward than knowing we’re making the difference.

My life is being wasted away by the limitations of my mortality
I want to fly to the heavens, reach down to the depths, and tell about it
My brain is being held hostage by the judgment in my understanding
I want to be a symbol, I want to inspire a cause, change the world forever.

Let me write a song that doesn’t rhyme but tells a story
And a beat we cannot dance to but creates a revolution
I want to see justice and redemption in all of its glory
And the word called “love” being the seed in fruition.

Another poem under the name “Amanda White”.

Sterling and Merrill

Father, master of your own well set settled rules
If you ever leave mother,
Are you are gonna bring your lover for us to meet?
Cause, in the stories I’ve read, in the life that I’ve lived
Boys never stay, sometimes even if they become men.

Father, bringer of wealth and order to this family
If you ever choose to leave,
Would you tell us the reasons why or simply keep silent?
For us to imagine why you haven’t come home for awhile
Feel the echo of your absence and gradually internalize it.

One needs to do
What one needs to do
In order to be happy
One needs to do
What it needs to be done
In order to achieve greatness.

Mother, plaster of glue that keeps all of our pieces together
If you ever leave in order,
To pursue the suspended dreams that you left behind,
To take care of us, would you please first warn us?
Or give us a hint that we’re being too much of a struggle.

Mother, giver of life, hence my own birth
If you ever choose to run away,
Get a flight to Hawaii and for the rest of your days to stay
Would you first write a guide for us to grow ever stronger?
You’ve always been the glue, but we’re certainly not rubber.

One needs to do
What one needs to do
In order to be happy
One needs to do
What it needs to be done
In order to achieve greatness.

At the end of the barrel
There’s nothing to be hoped
Come Sterling and Merrill
Come show us what you’re made of.

amandawhite
This is a picture I did a few years ago inspired on a character for a novel I’m writing.
Her name is Amanda White.
In the novel she’s a singer-song writer and this is one of her songs.

Broken Engine

He said his machine needed an engine
He said he was the wheel and the fuel
But then he became the fire that burned
He ended engulfing the whole thing down.

And this night feels the coldest
The coldest that has been for awhile
And you think you were the coolest
In that year your trend was the style.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

He convinced me of the items he had in-stored
I felt like a little girl on Christmas’ day
But then some of the lovely gifts he had given me
Turned to mean toy soldiers oppressing the dolls.

And this season feels the hottest
The hottest that has been in years
And you think you are even hotter
Still to this day you won’t shed a tear.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

I’m not one of those objects
That you can buy, sell or exchange
I’m not one of those things
That you can custom-make or repair
The wheel in your head unscrewed
When your dream of machinery went astray
I’m not the engine that you told me I was
I’m just the button that you press and press and press until you break it.

All of this time…
You were the gasoline
Pouring out from your mouth
And for a while…
And you were the fire
Blazing out from your body…
And when you imploded
You blamed me for it.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

Every Morning (Part 1)

Oh blinding light
The sun shines through
Blast from the window
And into my bed
Just where you kissed me
Just where you left me to rest.

I dream of being whole again
I dream of being in love again.

All of the beautiful songs
That my heart could write
All that I said and I shown
Back when we started.

Linear Loop

The confusion I had when I was young has gone away
Now what I feel about the whole thing is apathy
You tore it down and burn it up because you were angry
Now I don’t care about what pieces were left of it all
I don’t care about the silent treatment
I don’t care about the words of forgiveness
I don’t care about the things you think you should give now
About all the things you should’ve done then.

The face you see is the one when the heart has closed
I don’t need your poison disguised as drinking water anymore
The words you hear are the ones when the chance is due
I don’t need your reasons, or excuses, or whatever may be or not.

The hurt I felt in myself when I was young has been buried deep
I’m not sure if I’ve healed or just simply got used to it
You can wait for me to break down somehow or just walk away
It wouldn’t make a difference about the way I’d feel about you
I don’t care if you think this is unfair
I don’t care if you think I’m being overdramatic
I simply don’t care whether you think I haven’t matured by now
Or if I’m what you always hoped for me to be.

The face that you see is the one that has been designed for you
If you see me smiling with others, that’d be thing you let loose
The words you hear now are the result of the ones of your own
If I can’t say anything nice to you is because you never did either.

I’m not leaving the door open for what could happen next
I’m closing it down, shutting it up, for now is the end
We all had the chance to make amends with our loved ones
But now we’re too old to remember what is this all for?

The Truth Becomes

You change sides
As the wind changes
You’re so inconstant
That you fall off the wire.

I can understand being disappointed
I can understand being upset
I will never understand going back and forth
If you’re going out that door
Please close it behind you
And never come back again.

But lucky for you
This isn’t my decision
The one you once served
Will decide for you
Test his patience
All you want
Just like you’ve done
All this time.

You change idols
From the invisibles to the ones graphically noticeable
What the trend might be this time
Whatever is politically correct to avoid a battle of convictions.

I can understand being frustrated
I can understand feeling hurt
I will never understand going back and forth
That like’s spitting on your food
Eating it and then puking it
Just to eat it once more.

But lucky for you
I’m not the one to dictate
The one you once served
Will have the last say
Mock his compassion
All you want
Just like you’ve done
All this time.

This is not an argument of the “holier than thou”
This is not even an evangelizing conversation
I’m just making aware how I worry of the things you come about
But at the end of the day you’re to hold account of your own decisions.

When the truth becomes more than to each its own
What are you gonna do with the little time that you’re left with?
When the gates finally open and the ocean finally gulps
What are you gonna do with the chances you chose to abandon?