Archive for April, 2015

The Need

Relying on that moment
Remembering what it meant
Maybe you’re deeper into
I just want to learn again.

Closing all the curtains
Letting the darkness in
In this moment of solitude
I’m waiting for my rescue.

I’m still broken, somehow
I thought that putting the pieces
Would help me heal now
But it’s not enough, no, no, no.

Relying on another
Wishing to feel that touch
Maybe you’re deeper into
Can I fall in with you?

Bolting all the doors
Walking off from here
In this instance of confusion
I’m waiting for your love.

I’m still lost in, somehow
I thought that finding the map
Would help my way now
But it’s not enough, no, no, no.

I can’t help it
I’m trapped in these thoughts
I don’t want to fight them
I just want the calm of your touch.

Can I fall in with you?
Because I want to learn again
I’m waiting for my rescue
I’m waiting for your love.



I moved away cause there was no one in this place
Everybody left and this space was completely deserted
I searched for the signal and stood for the voice
But no fire was ignited, no thunder in the sky roared.

I took my cross but grew weary of its weight
I beg to the heavens to send an angel to help me
Like the world that had ignored me, it was silent
Since I know there’s someone up there, I felt disappointed.

I can never become the enemy of my Lord
Even if He holds me responsible as one who has betrayed Him
I want to believe more in his love than in his punishment
The mercy that overcomes all faults, and forgives everything.

I haven’t been able to outrun this world’s fury
I haven’t found a place to escape all of its pain
Even if I hide behind my own pride and temporary contentment
When the night comes, I feel the evident hollow echoing.

The ones who’ve lost their humanity
Won’t be able to understand this
The ones that are too deep in their pride
Won’t be able to relate
Those who never believed in you
Won’t ever believe in anything
Then there are the ones like me;
They handle all they can take.

What to say to a God that knows everything?
What to ask to a God that will do only as He wishes?
How to stay when all you know is to keep running?
How to rely on faith when you have trusting issues?

Under the feet of men I’ve been dwelling
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a hopeless spall
A lamp to lost its light, the earth gone unsalted
For in the fleeting time I’ve lost much, more and all.


Hypocrisy runs around
Hypocrisy runs under
Ignoring the sound
Ignoring the thunder.

Honesty lacks in this world
Honesty lacks in our selves
The denial of the Word
The abandonment of the faith.

When being good is not enough
When acting nice simply doesn’t cut it
When aiding others doesn’t guaranty us
That we are doing the will of the Father.

Point at the mote in thy brother’s eye
Before taking the beam off our own
Is this a reflection of what I’m seeking?
To echo at someone else my own flaws?

Always asking not be judged
While judging others in the process
Judging them for their shortcomings
For that false expectation we created
In our heads and add up to our faith.



I’ve fallen victim of the aspects of this alembicated theogony
Prisoned between the texture and tone of this hypnotic polyphony
Behind the counterpoint there’s a secret left to be unraveled
Hidden is the blood bathed instrument, in which we are modeled.

The harmony and the melody being played got me all tangled
Like the feeble children of Hamelin, I beg blindly to follow
When crossing both circles, the omphalos, the experience’s spiritual
To think they’re just thermionic waves in motion being contrapuntal.

Left but marveled and dazed by this convoluted but delightful outcome
I leave the umbra of the beast to wherever it may choose to roam
May the specter of my own shine beneath the parsimonious heart
For since the beginning of ages, we were never meant to be apart.


Useless matters gathered around
Once more lying on the ground
Trying to put it all together now
Still won’t figure it out somehow.

There’s no solution to these problems
Losing sleep over things that can’t be changed
The backlash will come to be no matter
The end result of the mistakes we couldn’t fix.

Anesthetize the feelings
The love, the fear
Anything holding down.

People’s voices echo the sound
That very answer no one has found
Trying to push it to fit it all now
Still forcing it won’t work anyhow.

There’s no solution to these problems
Going insane over things you cannot change
The backlash will come to be no matter
The end result of the mistakes we couldn’t fix.

Anesthetize the feelings
The love, the fear
Anything holding down.

Even if I know the answers to all these questions
I cannot fill them up in their empty spots
All I can do is to go berserk with every outcome
Of all of the things I wish that were not.


Oh that familiar feeling
Death always waiting behind curtains.

Another driven drivel drilling down my brain
Bleed from the ear, bleed from the head
Smile at the mirror
I fucking hate my face
It’s like a mind control of low self-esteem
With scribbles and gibberish
Piling up as begs for the desperate man
Medicate me
Pills won’t help, pills won’t kill
They come like beggars looking for blood
Vampiristic emulation
A desperate young man
Sold his soul to the devil
For a voice of his own
I didn’t want to open the door
But I wasn’t given any other chance
It asks for a sacrifice
So I slit my wrists
Just to kill this agony
This is fucking driving me crazy
I cannot silence the voices this time
It all goes back to the past
All the ghosts I thought I left behind
Help me get out of this endless puzzle
Kill me if you’re gonna kill me
Stop playing with me
I’m such an evil person
My sin is unforgivable
Burn me, burn me, burn me
The scars on my arms
This demon is inviting me
Unholy spirit of reasoning
I can’t stop feeling like this
Addicted to feeling like nothing
I’m such a waste of time
I’m such a dramatic queen
Hurt me, hurt me, hurt me
Stop torturing me
Although I deserve it
Stop abusing me
This is my body
A pile of shit
If I could stop the life line
If I could stop all the time
Abort me mother
Raised only to be beaten
Physically and emotionally
Stop all of the memories
You like me
Only to take advantage
I’m so fucking useless
I have no courage
Such a fucking coward
Losing my own children
I gave to the devil
My future, my soul, my seed
And it gave me in return
A repetition of the same suffering.