The Disease That Can’t Be Cured

Held my head up in pride just to be kicked in the face
Just one of the many benefits of being a believer
On Jesus Christ I used to lay my trust and have my faith
But the invisible demons have become quite realer.

Somebody hit me in the head, I need to be dumb again
I need to follow blindly without any caring for consequences
Anybody listening at all? I guess as long as there’s no gaining
Their ears are stuffed with dirt, their hearts with indifference.

If I gave up, would you rescue me or leave me to die?
Would you come to my rescue, come to my defense?
Or would you say: “soldier, get up, don’t waste time!”
That’s the difference between a master and a friend.

Wore proud that symbol that makes us slaves of our Lord
Just one of the many things that boost our confidence
Welcoming times I was left all alone, without any guiding words
And when I ask why, I was told: “you’re going through a desert.”

Come spit me at my face, religious fanatics and atheists alike
Nobody likes a man who put his trust in things he cannot see
What did we learn here? “If we kill God or pushed him aside
That would be the end of all our problems…” or is it really?

If I walked away, would you come after me or watch me disappear?
Would you follow me through thick and thin and make me realize…
What a mistake I made? Or sit there and watch how it all ends?
I guess that’s the difference between having a master and having a friend.

Hurt and distance has brought me here to this solitary place
As the so called body thumps at their Bibles once more, ignoring me
I’m no better, I’m no worse, but I am what he made me to be in His Grace
And though I’m lost, it is written that my master searches for his sheep.

  1. This is both a beautiful and heartbreaking cry. I can really relate to what you wrote. I am sorry for your struggles. I think we all struggle with these questions at one point or another. Life is so complicated as we try to believe and trust all the while living in this broken and fallen world. I think we all deal with doubts like you write. I wish I had the answers but I know that you aren’t alone in the struggle.

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