Monophobia

Hiding in this silence
Keeping down my tears
Drowning in my conscience
Raped by all I fear
I can’t say how much I’m hurting
I can’t say how much I hurt
Somehow it doesn’t seems it matters
Somehow it doesn’t seem to weigh.

Away from everyone I love
I sit here inside my head
Prayers kept from the one above
Daydreaming I am dead
So sick of being so honest
So sick of feeling so sick
If pain was just a contest
I think that I would quit.

Something pulls me back
Something puts me still
If courage is what I lack
Then give me strength to kill
All that has been holding
All that has been bleeding
My soul into this cup
I don’t think that it’ll stop.

I miss all of my family
I miss all of my friends
I miss the love they’d give me
I miss how it would hurt
I miss the touch of heavens
I miss the voice of my own
My corpse is served to ravens
I’m reaping all that I’ve sown.

No god up in the skies
Just big black clouds
No one to hear my cries
No one to clear my doubts
Hiding in this silence
Keeping down my tears
Drowning in my conscience
Raped by all I fear.

I guess there’s no one to listen
I guess there’s nothing to care
I guess there’s no one to talk to
I guess there’s nothing but to stare
And how this temple crumbles
Spirit, mind and heart
Watch as my faith stumbles
With what is torn apart.

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Comments
  1. This is very heartfelt and emotionally driven. I’m sorry for the pain you feel but even if no one else does listen or care you know that I always will. I can’t imagine how it must be to be thousands of miles from the ones you love. It is always hard to be separated from friends and family but family is always there and you can make new friends and keep in touch with all your other ones. Life is about change and even if we are lucky enough to have love, like we do, then we are never alone. Life is difficult, but in those times when we feel most alone we have to reach for those that truly love us. This is a heartbreaking and beautiful poem. Doubts and fears and loneliness are always there but we have to remember that we aren’t alone. You aren’t alone. You are loved and all your pain, I’m here to help you through. We can make it together. Love you.

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