Archive for August, 2015

Departure

The sweet, sweet, sound of when I finally come to rest
The shutting of the gap, the mending silence, the end of the test
It doesn’t matter if I failed or if I won anything, anyone over
I just want for all of this, this earth, this aching, this life to be over.

Now can you please turn the last page and conclude this story?
I don’t want to live to regret not dying earlier, to be feel so sorry
For the ones I’d be leaving behind; I swear I tried my best, my all
But I’m so tired of weighting the burden, taking the blame, taking the fall.

Well, if you feel like you’ve wasted your time on me
Thinking about the future and the life we’d built together
Well, let me tell you I’m at the point of no return, at the edge of it
And I don’t feel like starting a new, I just want this to finish.

Well, none of my dreams became true, nothing became a reality
Maybe I sabotaged the outcome by taking life by the horns, trying the steer the wheel… oh well
But if there was something there for me, should I wait eternally?
So why not wait in eternity, resting without burden? Wouldn’t that be perfect? Wouldn’t that be swell?

Dismembered Paragon

Your consequential temperamental ill behavior
Have no consciousness of the consequences on hold
Countdown to the sequential numbers on the clock
You’re five minutes past the point I would’ve explode.

You erected this iron stronghold, bolts and locks, on your own
But with the scraps of all my belongings, left of this warzone
I’ve gone MacGyver and built a tank to bring that fortress down
So you better tell that acerbated self-confidence to hide under your gown.

Was it better when you had big flapping wings,
To blew me over and fly above me as you laugh off manically?
Was it better when you gave me cement shoes,
And left me standing through all the bullshit storm propelling?

Your insufficiency’s unswerving to your serving needs
And that’s a logic that could only be product of a nescient being
It was foolish to provoke the rattlesnake while in its apparent apoplexy
To appease his exasperated ire your skin must be exuviated.

You open up this giant gap, lava, pit, and everything
So I held to my faith until I end up believing in nothing
I’ve come to embody the Jesus’s metaphor to build a bridge
To raise a million hellish minions army to reclaim what you had promised.

Was it better when you had your magic wand,
And you waived it and “Alakazam!” everything was it your disposal?
Was it better when you had me at your dragging feet,
And you could step on me and I’d not doubt the status as spousal?

Well, who would have thought that your hound dogs would come back the collect their debt?
Give them what you owe, for the pact you have signed, with the blood of our unborn offspring
Enjoy the lethal injection that growing old gives while sipping heavily on your glass of urine flavored wine
I’ve no emotion remaining of the vexation you left in brewing in the office of your contractual larcenist.

The Implication of Heresy

I think I’m way too blind to see
The reasons of why I have moved so far from here
I’m think I’m too pride to accept
The way I feel conformed about all that’s distorted and bent.

I’m living the human life that this world offered for a lifetime
When you’re on the other side of the wall you come to understand and tell the difference
Now that I’m living my life on this side of the broken fence
Sin and betrayal has never tasted so good, especially when you’re not thinking of the consequences.

I think I’m way too comforted to realize
This is not the way my father taught me when I was young
I think I’m too anguished to come to terms
That this might be the last steps before I have my great fall down.

I’m living the human life that this world offered for a lifetime
When you’re on the other side of the wall you come to understand and tell the difference
Now that I’m living my life on this side of the broken fence
Demons and ghouls have never felt like such good roommates, especially when you’re partying with them.

I fill my head with the words of the wise
Might that be filled with glory or not
I have become figure only to antagonize
All that pretends to be holy or God.

For what I believe or don’t believe
An essence that lives outside of my head
One that preserves everything in order
Watcher of the living, keeper of the dead.

Saying that we created ourselves
Would be too foolish to express
I would praise Mother Nature
But it doesn’t have a mind of itself.

Saying that you don’t exist
Means I’d have no one to blame
No one to point my finger at
When all the mysteries come to fail.

This poem is about when you’re having a good day and somebody else is not, and that person tries hard to take your focus out the goodness inside and onto their distorted dark thoughts.

Burning On Your Own

This is your new way for getting what you want
You try to reel me in your emotional state outburst
But I learned a lot in my past life, here’s one
It takes two to start a fight, so I walk the other way.

I can read between lines
But I prefer to be told
I’m sick of playing games
Say what you need to say.

You’re the one with the problem
So why are you sticking your fingers in the wound?
If you’re the one who needs to complain
Then why are you creating this barrier of nonsense?

The end is gonna be the end that was written
You can blame me all you want for what I know already
It’s not my fault that I learned all the techniques
And all the tricks under the sleeve to pretend ignorance.

I can tell what this is about
And I won’t touch it
You want me to burn with it
But I won’t give you that pleasure.

If you’re that evil, then you’re that evil
And it has nothing to do with me
There were others before me, I’m sure
So why lay all this blame only on me?

To play the victim first you must have a hint of innocence
But your hands are as dirty as the ones who played with the mud
If you don’t understand this reference, I don’t have time to explain
I know how to push things over the edge as well… oh hell.

You’re burning in your own desire
To see fall for what you’re setting
You’re burning in your own wish
Of seeing me crawl at your command.

Authentic Love

Your love raises me up to the heavens
Your love raises me up to the sky and the stars
and the sun and the whole constellations and even beyond
Such a tiny little heart has such an immense feeling
enough to fill up my old broken heart with a new promise
To hear from you the words “I love you.”
Makes me want to be the greatest person
Makes me want to be the greatest man
and protect you for always from any harm.

You stood there waiting for me to respond
I didn’t even know what was going on
By the time I realized your hands trying to reach out
I tried to grab on them, as you were leaving
but you said “I’ll come back later”
and we can spend the time we were denied before
I hold to those words, and wait for that moment
Giving meaning to this never ending time cycle.

You with your authentic love
As innocent as your innocence of childhood allows
Your words become actions
And I imagine your arms around me, hugging me up
Don’t ever let go
Even if a millions miles of streets are in between
My heart is your home
And your heart is where my love will always live on.

Hypnophobia

Today, it is gone
Tomorrow’s unknown
While the birds and the stars sleep
What’s carved in stone
What is not shown
Do the dancing roses truly weep?

Surrounding by strangers
In the chatting room
Where every face is a profile pic
And a mix of random letters and numbers
Take a turn
Break the ice
700 minutes in the waiting queue
For the suicide line to respond.

Today, it is okay
Tomorrow might be gray
While the rain metaphors your tears
What is left to say?
Deceit in the fray
To confront your most, biggest fears.

The yawning and the shaking
For the drama queens
And the unheeded suicidal emergencies
As blood paints bright the walls crimson shade
Let’s address
The elephant in the room
17 years in the breaking, signal for distress
As salvation sets it’s mode in procrastination again.

Exasperated, sleepless for the resting bed
As you skim through the words of an almost anonymous being
A thousand characters giving detail to the most atrocious predicaments
As they sculpt over your heart, bleeding sympathy for the provided allusion.

internal-demons2

A Form of Truth

Struggle lies in convincing yourself that you can actually triumph this time
The struggle lies in trying to ignore the voices in your head yelling that you’re gonna lose again
Struggle lies in having the strength to carry on after you’ve lost everything
The struggle lies in with a broken heart trying to rebuild the life that you once loved and had.

The struggle lies in attempting to regain trust in those around you
The struggle lies in believing that if you mess up your loved ones will still love you
The struggle lies in rewiring your brain after seeing all the chaos that being naïve caused
The struggle lies in letting go of all the things you know and jump deep into the unknown.

I was built this way
Bent to the point I was broken
I just put up the walls
And made sure the doors were locked.