Archive for December, 2015

The Choice of Being No Better

She says everyone is doing it
She says everyone is talking about it
While she stays stale in her position
She lashes her tongue out in disposition
She starts fires but doesn’t want to get burn
She changes opinion every time the wheel turns
And every time I try to demonstrate I’m different
She always rolls her eyes and treats me indifferent
She denies her mistakes and rejects apologizing
She puts her own blame on you by deflecting
She’s proud of pretending something she’s not
As long as her family and friends think that’s hot
She thinks money is love and fondness is silence
And when you try to prove her wrong she recurs to violence
She would scoff, mock, and scream at your face
Every time her bullshit leaves a smelly trace.

She says that she never lies
But I see the same apathy in her eyes
She says all these things so she can excuse the lack of morality
In truth, she doesn’t care much about anything that is a reality
When you try to explain to her about ethics and principles
She waves her patriotic flag and tries to justify its atrocities
No matter how hard I try, this end up in a feud
Where my patience runs dry and my anger swerves to tilt
Where she walks away without caring about the meaning of integrity
Where she just washes away any sense of responsibility and guilt
How can there be any sympathy in her heart
When there’s no even a glimpse of empathy?

Nice doesn’t equal right
As being likable doesn’t equal being righteous
When you do all these things publicly
Is because you crave the adoration secretly
Her perception of herself is so high
That sometimes it feels like she wishes to be praised
But I think that the truth is that she is in absolute denial
Cause everything she’s to everyone one day will come to be erased
So I try to look for something that could make me change my mind
I try to find something that could be hidden deep inside
But to be frank, to tell you the truth
All that I hear is the echo of my own sound
Cause there’s nothing I can find in you
Maybe because there’s nothing to be found.

It is her choice to think that she’s blameless
It is her choice not to reflect and improve
This is her choice as she shrugs on this letter
It is her choice of being amiss and no better.

I wrote today three new short poems. This is one of them.

The Bait of Righteousness

I find myself crying for things I cannot change
The uncertainty of this life has me by the neck
Funny how this familiar feeling feels so strange
I thought by now I’d have got used to the wreck.

I wish I would grow to learn
I wish I would grow to understand
It tends to hurt when I burn
Without having a leading lending hand.

I wish I could learn before tomorrow
How to protect my heart from the hands of the thieves
But with much wisdom comes much sorrow
He who increases knowledge increases having great grief.

I thought I was being led into light
But I was being railed by the bait of righteousness
If you want peace you have to fight
The irony of how resting comes with the weariness.

Dementia

Posted: December 14, 2015 in Loss Poetry, Painful Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This is dedicated to my great aunt. May God have you in his glory.

Dementia

I couldn’t understand the way she started to behave
I didn’t know how to react to all of the sudden change
Taking care of the person who I used to be taken cared by
I don’t wanna spend my hours wondering for the day I will have to say “good-bye”.

This conversation is getting nowhere
I keep repeating things she won’t remember
Gone are the memories she used to hold dear
It all ended before it ended on that awful day of September.

I wasn’t prepared for the situations coming my way
Nobody ever taught me how hard this was going to be
I need the advice that I need you to tell me in your disorientation
Cruel harsh reality must be the best leading way conducting to an ongoing education.

How many people did you help?
How many people are here sitting by you now?
Life passed revenge on the one who put you here
You kept asking for the names of the people that were nowhere to be found.

I was too young to understand then
Full of anger, full of disappointment
And you broke me to the point I started crying
Oh how I miss you… how you truly changed me… there’s no denying.

Lie Here On My Shoulders Forevermore

Looking for little holes inside your soul
What good could that do to any of us?
When you come with a label “one on display”
And no box or instructions are available.

When you are the one that nobody wants
And you are the one being left alone
When you were brand new and shiny
Now full of dust and stained in fingerprints.

Looking for little flaws inside your soul
What good could that do to any of us?
When you come with a label “don’t touch”
You wonder how fragile and priceless things are.

When you are the one who has been rejected?
And you are the one time has forgot
When you were covered with that plastic
Now some functions don’t operate (as well) as before.

And all I want for you is to enjoy
This melody that comes from my heart and soul
And all I want for you is to feel like you can rely
On my trust and lie here on my shoulders forevermore.

kneeling_in_prayer

Despairing State of Pleas

Heavy weight on my shoulders
Heavy weight on my head
Trying to move all these boulders
And they press on my chest.

Pathetic human fragility
Why were we made to break so easily?
We only have one ability
And that’s to dream about a possibility.

Years have fallen hard on me
My feet they seem so heavy
I want to do is sleep
And let it all slip over me.

Pathetic human perseverance
Why do we keep striving for better and more?
Don’t we understand the hindrance?
This well is dry and cannot sustain us anymore.

What the hell is this will in me?
I cannot let it end like this
Where the hell is this voice coming from?
It keeps yelling “don’t give up, come on!”
But there’s nothing more to offer
No, there’s not much more to give
So why can we call it over?
No, we have a need to live.

Pathetic human desires
Why do we pray to a God that doesn’t exist?
As we all wait in the fire
There might be a way out if we do believe.

This is inspired in all the relationships I’ve been in. The constant problem that I see is that the other person is never fully committed, when they see something they don’t like, they try to destroy me and then kick me out… and then is as if nothing. Anyway enjoy!

Current Affair

This complicated relationship
Should it be as complicated?
When I say what I mean
But I don’t mean what I say
All of these things
That I carry inside
That I wish you would want
That I wish you would heal
But it’s just a burden
That to you doesn’t belong
And that’s why baby
No matter how strong
You say you love me
You’ll leave me alone.

This complicated way of seeing things
Oh, they would be so fucking simple
If I would let them be
But I’m so afraid
That if I do, then they’ll turn
Into something unmanageable
And then you’ll turn against me
I’m so damn afraid
That if I let you undo me
That’d be the end of me.

Oh, how sweet of you
To not give a fuck
Until it seems like too late
You should’ve rescued me
When I was pleading
And begging “come please”
“Please come to my rescue”
As you derided me and replied
“You’re man enough to rescue yourself”
So how is that love?
So how is that compassion?
How is that mercy
In any way or form?
If you only live for the passion
Of the one who is hurt
Of the one who is scorned
Oh, baby, baby
Open your eyes
The wounds you haven’t healed yet
Have your name written on them
Is the baggage that you’ve inherit
That you deny of inheritance.