So for how long have you been there?
Staring still like a statue
Do you want to see me being sincere?
I’m still checking on your status
But when pain becomes boring
Who’s to blame for that boredom?
Might as well start blaming
Start pointing fingers for circumstances
So I met myself in the mirror
I grew tired of my own reflection
So I grabbed a box of old photos
And remembered these feelings of affection
And how deep your yellow eyes glowed
It’s an image that in my head I’ve undertowed
So to ponder in having what was never given before
Would it be a betrayal if I stop lying here on the floor?
Cause there are two things that will always fuck your life up
And that’s the feeling of hurt and the feeling of love
So let me rip your heart out
To fill my own empty hole
Not to wonder what it’s being talked about
Just the leaking of the soul
And the remnants of all of the poison
Maybe I just needed inspiration
Since being unhappy has become dull
I could spend my whole day bashing my skull
Against the wall, trying to figure out why
Why do we always let things die?
To sabotage what it’s perfectly placed
Or maybe it’s too perfect
Damn all those stupid excuses
I know at the end there’s no use
But to try to kill myself again
While brutally murdering you
With all the confusion and shame
And the transgression of the truth
Do we need to go into details?
Nobody seems to know how to read between lines
But please, don’t blame me for having it planned
From the beginning
Because I didn’t
And I’m afraid of being alone
For the flesh bound to the bone
Tend to pursue what it’s an oversight
Blinded by the glow that seems light
But soon to slit on the wrists
Because I wonder why do I even exist?
And in taking side with the hurt
I recite the words of the absurd
And they gargle as I bite on my tongue
The blood through my teeth and my gums
The clogs in my mouth for the life I’ve devoured
For never knowing what I truly have ever desired.

  1. beingcreativebc says:

    This poem is so open and raw. I think my favorite lines are these,

    “I could spend my whole day bashing my skull
    Against the wall, trying to figure out why
    Why do we always let things die?”

    I think that there are many who can relate to what you are describing here. I know that no matter where we are in our lives, everyone can understand what you are questioning and writing about here. I think too often we spend our time focused on things that we think or that we are told that we should want and we get lost day to day in just existing. I do honestly believe there is a big difference in existing and living. I think that not letting things die takes real work and commitment and it takes more than just yourself. Things die or fade for many reasons and most of the time we never really understand why. I think that in the midst of all the existing and running and fear, we need to just accept what we have around us. Sometimes we just have to take what the moment gives us and whether it be good or bad, we have to just allow ourselves to live it, to feel it and then just keep going trying to get all the moments we can just like that. We never know the end and I don’t think that anyone’s life turns out the way they thought it would, but we just have to keep living and see what each day brings us.

    • bloodnshadow says:

      Thank you so much for reading. It’s a complicated poem. I wrote it seeing from another point of view. What if life was like that but I was another person. There are simply tiny little things that ruins everything in a big way. I’m trying to address that here. Again, thanks for reading and commenting.

      • beingcreativebc says:

        I can understand that. I knew, with it being one of your poems, it would be multilayered. I think that it is important to see things from others perspectives. It helps not only to allow you to relate but also for you to appreciate things in your own life.

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