So Stupid

Posted: March 10, 2016 in Melancholic Poetry, Painful Poetry, Reflection Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

A poem of a thought that has been going on and on in my mind for years now.

So Stupid

This is stupid.
This is not me.
What the hell am I doing?
Trying to figure out
all this mess in my head.
So what the hell made me think
that this would be a good idea?

I was thinking
that maybe if there was a possibility,
that I would rather take it,
instead of letting it fade away.
Foolish intention,
for my even more foolish heart.
What made me think that it would be feasible,
when my chances are less than none?

I don’t blame you
for everything I’ve been feeling,
for all of the angels dancing in my reverie.
You haven’t been feeding my illusion at all
And if anything felt anything more than friendly.
It is my fault for I misinterpreted the gesture
when there was no signal at all.
So I’m sorry for placing myself
in the thoughts of the ones you truly love.

I must admit,
I must confess,
I just felt lonely for a moment.
I felt completely vulnerable,
and I thought that maybe,
just maybe,
you just understood
what it is
to feel like this.
I thought that maybe,
just maybe,
You just felt
the way I do.
But I guess
I’m on the wrong
and again
I’m all alone
in this.

So. sorry
for having wasted your time,
when you’re so busy
in your beauty and seclusion,
that I thought
that my ugly self
could keep you company,
in all those nights
that you cry in secret,
for all those times
that you feel unheeded.

How deep the mighty have fallen,
or however that saying goes.
I made the mistake of being predisposed,
to make myself susceptible
to the humiliation,
and the rejection,
and all of the aftermath that goes along with it.
Cause now you just don’t simply
know how stupid I can be, I am at times.
No, you cannot only use this to manipulate me,
to mock me,
to laugh with your friends at my expense,
To make me feel like I’m under you,
But also to destroy this beautiful friendship
that has taken so much effort to build,
Just because I was witless enough
To tell you how I fragile and needy I felt at one point.


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