Archive for October, 2017

The Conversation

This internal struggle is growling
And looking out for the hunt
All that it seems is to be hurting
The ones I care about the most.

I tend to make people feel like they’re not enough
Probably because it’s the way I feel about myself
I don’t know how to make you feel this hurt as much
So I hurt you intentionally so you would hurt in yourself.

This self-reflection is momentarily
Later I’ll find an excuse not to
All that I do is hurt emotionally
The ones I feel have hurt me too.

I tend to make people feel like they’re useless
Probably because I feel pretty useless myself
I don’t know how to make you see all this as such
So I hurt you intentionally so you would hurt in yourself.

Oh how we promised to each other to be safe havens
Oh how we promised to each other that would be safe
And now that our rotten corpses are eaten by ravens
We still signify in account for our many, many mistakes.

I think we should’ve had this conversation long time ago
We would’ve had better comprehension of things going on
Oh how my broken heart can’t help yours be fixed, oh no
But how I wish we could simply heal each other all along.

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Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Going in circles in a deprecating predestination
Everything is where is needed to be in order to fail
I keep forgetting the answers for every question
I still remember the ending for this unpleasant tale.

They say the power is in my hands
As if I have the complex enough to believe in any of that
My problem here is that I’m self-aware
That no matter how hard I try things will go always go bad.

Going in circles ‘cause I’m programed to stay in repeat
That fucking stupid little light that I still cannot kill
I keep forgetting why I get up if again I’ll be on defeat
The only process that never begins is the one that heals.

They say that I have the control
If I did I would’ve changed all of this shit a long time ago
My problem is ignoring the problem
That no matter how much I try, I truly can never let go.

This is my self-fulfilling prophecy
For every one who has ever been fucked
For every one who has given up
For every one who lives in the darkness.

This creation is of my own
I decided to have my own life destroyed
I decided to have everything taken away
I decided to get hurt over and over again.

Did I also decide for you?
Did I also push you to hurt me as much?
For every gun that has been pointed at my face
Was I one who controlled if or not they would pull the trigger?

Just practicing rhyming with some words

Adding to the Wordplay

Here comes again the king of arrogance
You better think twice before taking a stance
Cause I’ll say or do anything just to win
I’m convinced this is the way I’ve always been
I’d even slit my wrists just to prove how honest I’m
‘Cause losing is one thing I simply can’t stand
I would even give my right arm, my very soul
Just in exchange, just to channel all the rage and anger I’ve stored
Don’t take this message as subliminal
This is personal
I’m as raw and as fresh as a slaughtered animal
I can’t help but to become a raging cannibal
When these fuckers think they can beat me at this world’s game
It’s so lame
I can do this gagged, blindfolded, tied to my bed
Adding up to this wordplay, this is child’s play
It’s like Chucky chuckling up here in my head
Yelling “Murder them” into my brain
As blood begins boiling inside my veins
It’s a shame, they don’t know how insane
It can get
You can bet I would wear an explosive vest
Just to show y’all that I’m the bomb
Just to prove my fucking point,
Just to attest that I’m the fucking best.

Like Before

I do not know how to express how I’m feeling
Seems I have forgotten somehow
But this fire in here is awfully burning
And I want to get rid of it right now.

Lately I have been thinking of disappearing
Not having to deal with any of this
You simply can’t imagine how much I’m hurting
I simply cannot take all of this shit.

It’s just too much
My head cannot take it anymore
Everything‘s just fucked
I cannot make it like it was before.

I do not know how to handle what I’m feeling
Seems I have forgotten somehow
But this hatred in me is rapidly asphyxiating
And I want to get rid of it right now.

Lately I have been thinking of self-injuring
Find a way to already be gone
You simply can’t imagine how much I’m hurting
Every day I face this all alone.

It’s just too much
My head cannot take it anymore
Everything‘s just fucked
I cannot make it like it was before.

The people who know me but do not call me
Will come to wonder what was wrong?
The people who are here, closest to me
Can’t give an answer for this, they have none.

They say if you speak about it, it will be easier
But I’ve been speaking about it for twenty long years
All of these problems are simply getting messier
I’m just peeling another layer of all the things I fear.

It’s just too much
My head cannot take it anymore
Everything‘s just fucked
I cannot make it like it was before.

This is from the point of view of this character.

Visceral Conflict (by: Alexander Silver)

Your mystery has cost me misery, my own self-esteem
All of the secrets I thought we were truly ready to share
I confess this is the loneliest and most hurt I’ve ever been
And if you had a sense of empathy I would expect you to care.

Turn around and walk away, so you won’t be seen in this place
Spread your wings only when the wind blows in your way
But keep your eyes down, to avoid suspicion and save face
Now that you’ve betrayed me, (you’ve) left me with nothing else to say.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
No, not after fear turned your begs into constant insistence.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

This social experiment of yours has cost me too much
If you weren’t ready, you shouldn’t have opened the door
One simply does not flee, neglecting delicate affairs as such
And if you truly cared, you would’ve not run me to the floor.

Go inside and turn the bolts, so you won’t be seen out here (with me)
Spread your arms only when a wave of convenient support blows you way
But keep your head down, to portray guilt, even if it’s out of fear
You can keep pretending, for the benefit of all of things that come into play.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
‘Cause after they confronted you, you walked into their acceptance.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

I’m right confined in who I am, in what I want
Don’t play mind games, only ‘cause you’re feeling curious
All ever wanted was to help you out, give you a hand
‘Cause I know how difficult it is at times and it makes me furious
That ‘til this day there are those who still hide behind their curtain
In self-disgust of who they are, and what they could become
But I’m not one to push off and on if the other person isn’t certain
And if they ever need support, I’ll be here for all the things to come.

‘Cause it’s such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

Actinic Salacity

All you need is something long enough to keep you satisfied
And I’m coming short with my words, my love and metaphors
And all you need is something stiffed enough to leave you mystified
And I’m coming weak with my open soul, open heart, open arms
Cause at the end of it all, all we need are the most mundane things
And when you’re not a spiritual whore, you don’t lust for implemented invisible beings
All you seek is for what the eyes can feast on, full body on, no protection required
No need for math for what comes after, this signal here burns with growing fire.

All you need is something that can hit you hard and continuously
Even if it’s the kind that’s developed by tempered physical manifestation
All you need is something that will make you sweat and scream infinitely
Even if it’s the kind that comes synthetic and not from a fleshy incarnation
Cause at the end of it all, all we seek are the most degrading things
And when you don’t have an ethic anchor, you don’t go for the sense of consenting
All you crave for is a carnal touch to caress us, press on, course through and across
The only agreement available is in wanting to be molded, fucked inside and out.

Our instinctive animal desires dictating what the outcome should be
For the lack of love, be that self, or from being shorn, this transforms our characters
In this upside down, backward world, where our perspective perception is deformed
We praise the physiognomy that leads into misogyny and depravation assertion.

I wrote this last month, but never posted it. It’s from the point of view of an asexual person.

Key Hole

I’d like to see you naked
Uncover the mystery that hides under your pressed on clothe
That cold, silky, pale skin, like a mannequin
I would like to see you dance when you’re unaware that someone’s watching.

‘Cause you’re you when you don’t care if nobody notices
You’re you, in the dark, in the loneliness, in the silence.

I’d like to see you transparent
Without all of that bullshit that you put on for the audience
Those lines that are drawn on your face when you smile
I would like to see you undone, raw, in the verge of a spontaneous combustion.

‘Cause you’re you when you don’t have to hold the ball
You’re you, in the fragile, shameful, reality of uncertainness.

Sulkier for the stalker whose eyes are restraint
You’re like that portrait I would like to paint
You’re a web and I’m tangled in your strings
You’re like that song that I would like to sing.

Your soul is like a key hole
Whose spectators are looking in
I want to unwrap you whole
Grant a place for your bare being.