Archive for November, 2017

This is the last one for the day…

Mouse Wheel

Without this I’m nothing
I think we were designed to feel like this
Feed on your ego, choke on your pride
Cause right now I only feel dead inside.

Without this I’m nothing
I don’t have another way to let it go
You might’ve found success
You might’ve made it
But I’m still battling to find my spot.

I’m not the master of my art
But a slave to it
For everything that hurts
I scribble it.

Without this I’m nothing
And even with it I feel the same
Maybe it’s time to see a therapist
And play their chasing game.

Without this I’m nothing
I only wish for anyone to relate
And help me feel something
When the times come that I can no longer take.

I’m running on this mouse wheel
Chasing dreams that I’ll never catch
How do you think that makes me feel?
That from this pain I can’t unlatch?

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When your mind wanders off…

Scribbles on a Note

I wish I was better than this
I wish I could grow some confidence
Cause inside of myself, me,
And I, never trust enough to overcome.

I wish I was better than this
I wish I could believe what you tell me
Cause inside I, die, little by little
Trying to figure out the answers to these riddles.

It’s nothing that I haven’t said before
I’m just lying here in the corner
Crawling here on the floor
Trying to find the missing pieces
That could make myself complete once more.

Nobody wants you to be losing
But nobody likes when you win
They want you in between these two things
But I’ve always liked the extremes.

I wish I was better than this
Wish I could live a simpler life
*Sigh* What is there for me?…
If all that’s true turns into lies?

Something a bit different…

Darker Self

I want you to be perplexed by the mystery shrouded in me
I want you to be in awe by every move, every action I make
I’m the enigma painted in neon blood, signed by my tongue
I am the “no” that every-one else wishes to be, I am that no one.

Sold my soul to the devil for the taste of the virgins’ lips
I will lie to my teeth, straight to your face, in order to achieve this
I’m the demon that crawls in the walls of your head when you sleep
I’m that thought that “can’t be true” but against all odds really exists.

I’m an angel, fallen from heaven, but not by choice
I am the scream of all the raging people without a voice
I’m the deal that will surely sign ‘cause I’m the inviting door
That will lead you through a life of Glory like nothing before.

I am the darkness, I am the betrayal, I am the Hollywood picture
I’m what Carl Jung greatly desired, what God told in Eden not to
I’m the drugs, I’m the party, I am the love you wish to have from others
You can always call me one minute past 3:32, but after that, don’t even bother.

Another poem by fictional character and pseudonym Alexander Silver

Julia

This is just another story
Another chance to say you’re sorry
And to pretend that you don’t know
All that I’m talking about right now.

Julia
You’re so beautiful in your very own way
I love the way that your eyebrows strain
Every time that you’re happy, every time that you’re mad
I love you when you’re smiling, love you when you’re sad.

This is just another tale
And it will follow you just like a tail
You can pretend that you don’t recur
But it can only be for so long so obscure.

Julia
You’re as sexy hip as you have always been
I love the way you dance, the way you sing
Every time that you’re happy, every time that you’re sad
I love you even when you’re lonely, when you’ve been bad.

This state in your life seems like an energy vacuum
Talk about sudden appraisal, and self-absorption
I can tell it by the way you slide, the way you hum
It’s uncanny the way you find yourself under such conception.

The Stream, the String, the Stirring

The hollowness is expanding
Reaching greater lengths
The darkness is merging
Opposing our strength.

And if you’re weak
It will devour you
And if you’re sick
It will assimilate you.

But I, the shadows don’t want me no more
And the light, it’s still too far for me to reach
For I am a joke now as I was to them before
I’m the one who got their soul system breached.

The content of the box is being revealed
It wasn’t like there was nothing in it before
And the designs, that were once sealed
It is a falling that will certainly leave you sore.

And if you’re blind
It will consume you
And if you’re kind
It will disgust you.

But I, I am a wanderer between parallel realms
And the light, it’s still far too holy for me to touch
For I am the abortion of these parasitic stems
I’m the one who will never avail things as such.

I’ve taken sides, but never sided with the unknown
Although my core lusts to learn what’s out there and beyond
I’ve chained myself to the love and the pain ingrown
And my memory will hold meaning until I am completely gone.

Another poem by fictional character Alexander Silver

Celestial Bodies

I was a star in your sky
When did the night become so dark?
I was a spark in your eye
When did a stone replace your heart?

I was born to love you
You were born to reject me
But there was that moment
That twilight that time shifted.

I was the X in your map
When did you give up finding treasures?
I was the link amid the gap
When did you start burning bridges?

I was born to adore you
You were born to think less of me
But there was a moment
That twilight that time shifted

We are celestial bodies
I am the sun and you’re the moon
And when you wane and wax
I can rest calmly in your arms.

We are two celestial bodies
Me, as the sun, you, as the moon
And when we come together
Our light shines so bright
That it blinds the Earth.

I was born to be with you
I am certain you were born to be with me
Let’s be civil, let’s be nautical, let’s be astronomical
Yes, let’s our bodies merge into an Eclipse.

A poem I wrote last week.

Master of Anxiety

Wasting all of my time doing nothing
But thinking how much of a loser I am
How I am always disappointing everyone
And how much I’ll fuck up again next time.

I’ve tried to overcome all of these thoughts
Tried to medicate with high all of my lows
Swallowed one too many pills attempting to kill this disease
Wishing I could kill my body if it comes to it.

I wish I could disappear in silence
But how much more invisible can I become?
I wish you could understand my anxiety
I was raised to feel like nothing and be alone.

Wasting all of my time here complaining
And thinking how much of a whiner I am
When I’m having it “good” even when I’m bleeding
Always above others as from this belt I hang.

I’ve tried to keep my stupid mouth shut
Tried to swallow my pride and confront my doubts
Zombified my mind with mindless TV ads on display
Wishing I could put my fears right where my body lays.

I wish I could undo this inner violence
But how can you fight something that has become much stronger?
I wish I could get rid of all of this anxiety
But I was taught only to fail miserably and become a loner.

Wasting all of my time staring at nothing
Thinking how much of a fucked up I have become
How I am always disappointing everyone
With the things I’m doing, with the things I’ve done.

I feel like the master of anxiety
But I know I’m more like its slave
Worrying about every little thing constantly
My own soul I cannot even save.