Building up the walls of my life
Out from the ashes and the rubble
The ghosts of this fire lurking
Looking to see what they can bring down
I must keep it all locked inside
Before it takes control and I lose it
Shove it all down until it chokes
To kill it even if I end up killing myself as well.

In this upside down parallel world
That we live in
Which defecates on rehabilitation
And every good intention
That pleases itself by watching you fail
That humiliates you if you ever defy
Where the worst actions are congratulated
And the best attempts are frowned upon.

Trying to get the confidence
That I was shunned out of
Trying to understand that
This is a necessary process
Trying to see life with different eyes
Facing situations with a different approach
I don’t want to fall down
in the very same hole
that brought me there in the first place
and trapped me in that wheel of repetition.

I have to force myself
To break the patterns
of expecting the worst outcomes
that set up my defenses blindly
I must allow myself
To forgive and be forgiven
To be healed and be loved
And love unconditionally again.

If I to move forward
I need to find a way
To pacify this hatred and this anger
To shush the voices in my head
Exit all this darkness kept inside
To channel and purify
All this stagnant blackened water
And allow myself to be restored.

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