Archive for the ‘Amanda White Poems’ Category

This is a picture I drew and painted

Phronemophobic Girl

“Come sit next to me
And tell me a bedtime story
One that helps me sleep, serenely
Spare the gory details
I don’t want it to be scary
You know, some ghosts
They tend to haunt me permanently.

Cause when tomorrow comes
And you walk out that door
Then I’ll be here all alone
Sitting on the floor, waiting by the phone
Cause when I’m left alone
I’m left alone with all my fears
And I try to keep, I try to stay strong
But some of these monsters become real.

So when you arrive from work
Will you be ready to hear me out?
When you come in through that door
Will you be willing to hold me still?

If I tell you all of my feelings
Would you be willing to listen?
If I tell you all how it was
Would you help me deal with them?

Maybe together we’ll find the cause.

I know it’s best not to speak of this at dinner
Or while you’re kicking off your shoes and stretching out
Do you think we could address it, maybe after?
There a few things I wish we could talk about.

Do you think you can? Would you be able?
Or would it be best not to speak about at all?
Would it be good just to keep it under the table?
And like scraps of our lives feed them to the dogs.

If I tell you how I am feeling
Would you be willing to listen?
If I tell you all how it was
Would you help me deal with them?

Maybe together we’ll find the cause.

Cause when I open up
I’m left with these tangling pieces
The shell I wear begins to erupt
And the fear in me increases.

So when you come to bed with me
And start reading me that story
Spare the parts that might seem scary
They might haunt me permanently.

Cause after tomorrow
When you walk out that door
To drive off to your work
I’ll be here all alone
With all these shadowy crippling fears
And though I’m trying to keep strong
Some of these monsters become real.”

This poem is from a woman’s point of view.

Mary Read

What does it feel to go around the world,
Navigating in the waters of mistreated mistresses?
What are you looking for in this whirlwind?
Only to weight anchor or get motion sickness.

Hand strong on your hat and tight on the helm
Cause now you’re cruising through violent seas
A storm is coming and in your head you know
This is going to be one hell of a turbulent sail.

You think you have the map all figured out
If X marks the spot, you’ll dig out that treasure
But this world still holds many secrets untold
You just make sure not to sail off the edges.

One eye on the lookout for the cutthroat
And the other incisive for the lighthouse
Doesn’t that beacon coming from the coast
Make you glow like a vision, so angelically?

There’s no need for shackles, my dear captain
I’ll be all yours after you’ve tainted my drink.

No need to line your captives up on the plank
I bet they would rather enjoy going for a swim.

What does it feel to go around the world,
Navigating in the waters of mistreated mistresses?
What are you looking for in this whirlwind?
Only to weight anchor or get motion sickness.

Hand strong on your pistol and tight on your sword
Cause now you’re stepping into outlandish lands
A war might be coming your way and you know
This could be the day that the great captain departs.

No need to be scared about the ghosts, no
They will not contend your soul in reprisal.

Oh fear the fleshed ones, my sweet Jack
Waiting at the bottom are submarine huntresses.

What’s that lonely men do sailing for so long?
Lodging their flags in territories unknown
Claiming the soil that isn’t theirs in the name
Of their king, or their queen or of their very own.

Don’t lonely men need some comfort as well?
Before being casted off and sent into sail?
The lustful kisses from a passionate woman
The serenated melody coming from us sirens.

No need to worry about drifting or sinking
All of your crewmen have jumped off your ship.

Come into my arms, dear, dear captain
I will end your journey, right here, right now
You just have found the right woman
One that has built you a home in the depths.

This was a poem originally titled ‘Broken Engine‘, but after revising it and changing quite a lot, it became something else. So I re-titled it ‘Thermal Efficiency’. Here’s that poem. Based on a fictional female.

Thermal Efficiency

He came like a locomotive stirring, streaming towards me
Pulling on the breaks but not before crashing into me
He said his machinery required a brand new throttle
He said my heart was the engine and my love was the fuel.

All of this time…
Your sulk was the fizz,
Heating up the pressure valve
Blowing from out your mouth
And for a while…

You were so thermal efficient.

Your strong firm hands were warming me up
Like a conductor,
Filling charcoal, with a shovel
Into the firebox of a steam engine train
Getting hotter,
Motion was faster.

Lights out, rate is gained
In this obscurity, meeting gently
As you continue your journey into the tunnel.

You seemed so thermodynamic, but now I cannot tell
I was so masochistic, compelled under such brutal spell.

All of this time…
Your sulk was the fizz,
Heating up the pressure valve
Blowing from out your mouth
And for a while…

You were so thermal efficient.

Your strong firm hands were warming me up
Like a conductor,
Filling charcoal, with a shovel,
Into the firebox of a steam engine train
Getting hotter,
Motion was faster
Iron on bar
The boiler burning,
Sparks flying,
Gasping, grasping,
Tight, here in our steely shelter
At night, under these sheets…

Lights out, rate is gained
In this obscurity, meeting gently
As you continue your journey into the tunnel
I dug deep my nails,
Firmed, into your skin,
And you flinched out of pain
As the echo of my voice exclaimed
“I just want to make sure this ride
Doesn’t drive me off of the rails!”

He came like a train stirring, streaming towards me
Pulling on the breaks but not before crashing
He said his machinery required a new throttle
He said my heart was the engine and my love was the fuel.

But then he became unstable, combustive,
The fire that ended engulfing the whole thing down.

You were the fire
Blazing out from your body…
And when you imploded
You blamed me for it.

From a point of view of a woman.
dancingsnowglobe2

Spherical Confinement

Call him Mr. Freeze
For his hands have frozen me
Shelving me like an ice statue
In his crystal clear snow globe.

I’m his tiny porcelain ballerina
Restrained in this spherical confinement.

He stares in any time he can
Holds onto my miniature world
Shaking it unduly up and down
As glitter and dust fall all over me.

He turns the key to the very end
Watching me dance to his euphonious tune.

So turn me around and turn me in
I’m not sure where it’d end but where it begins.

Place me right on the desk in your office
Or hide me somewhere in your private room
While your assistant is serving you coffee
Or when your wife is dusting with her broom.

I’m his tiny porcelain ballerina
Restrained in this spherical confinement.

He turns the key to the very end
Watching me dance to his euphonious tune.

So turn me around and turn me in
I’m not sure where it’d end but where it begins.

Another poem under the name “Amanda White”.

Sterling and Merrill

Father, master of your own well set settled rules
If you ever leave mother,
Are you are gonna bring your lover for us to meet?
Cause, in the stories I’ve read, in the life that I’ve lived
Boys never stay, sometimes even if they become men.

Father, bringer of wealth and order to this family
If you ever choose to leave,
Would you tell us the reasons why or simply keep silent?
For us to imagine why you haven’t come home for awhile
Feel the echo of your absence and gradually internalize it.

One needs to do
What one needs to do
In order to be happy
One needs to do
What it needs to be done
In order to achieve greatness.

Mother, plaster of glue that keeps all of our pieces together
If you ever leave in order,
To pursue the suspended dreams that you left behind,
To take care of us, would you please first warn us?
Or give us a hint that we’re being too much of a struggle.

Mother, giver of life, hence my own birth
If you ever choose to run away,
Get a flight to Hawaii and for the rest of your days to stay
Would you first write a guide for us to grow ever stronger?
You’ve always been the glue, but we’re certainly not rubber.

One needs to do
What one needs to do
In order to be happy
One needs to do
What it needs to be done
In order to achieve greatness.

At the end of the barrel
There’s nothing to be hoped
Come Sterling and Merrill
Come show us what you’re made of.

amandawhite
This is a picture I did a few years ago inspired on a character for a novel I’m writing.
Her name is Amanda White.
In the novel she’s a singer-song writer and this is one of her songs.

Broken Engine

He said his machine needed an engine
He said he was the wheel and the fuel
But then he became the fire that burned
He ended engulfing the whole thing down.

And this night feels the coldest
The coldest that has been for awhile
And you think you were the coolest
In that year your trend was the style.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

He convinced me of the items he had in-stored
I felt like a little girl on Christmas’ day
But then some of the lovely gifts he had given me
Turned to mean toy soldiers oppressing the dolls.

And this season feels the hottest
The hottest that has been in years
And you think you are even hotter
Still to this day you won’t shed a tear.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

I’m not one of those objects
That you can buy, sell or exchange
I’m not one of those things
That you can custom-make or repair
The wheel in your head unscrewed
When your dream of machinery went astray
I’m not the engine that you told me I was
I’m just the button that you press and press and press until you break it.

All of this time…
You were the gasoline
Pouring out from your mouth
And for a while…
And you were the fire
Blazing out from your body…
And when you imploded
You blamed me for it.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

Another “Amanda White” poem…

A Fool without a Vehicle

Give me of your poisonous snake bite
You want some of this virginal blood
You’re descendant of ones with the rites
I’m a child of the one nailed to wood.

You’ve got a thousand stories joyous to tell
I’ve got my own shame to disseminate the spell
Let’s dance together through this treacherous path
Let’s rise up upon death as they did with Seth.

Your black hole eyes sucked me in
Your double voice backwards keeps on seducing
An easy invitation to the current afore-warned
That discernment runs from but the complexion still wants.

Even if that means I’m being deceived
Even if that means I’m being played for a fool.

We will build a big house
We will make a big family
You and I, for always baby…
But baby, you want a castle
It’s not enough for you to be living the dream
It’s not enough for you to be a prince
You want to murder your own kin
And crown yourself king…

You got a plan unstringing from your sleeves
You got an idea unraveling in your brain
You’re gonna burn down this elegant palace
And bring forth the most savage of reigns.

For a moment, your black hole eyes sucked me in
Your double voice backwards keeps on reeling in
An easy invitation to the current afore-warned
That discernment runs from but the complexion still wants.

Even if that means I’m being betrayed
Even if that means I’m being taken for the ride.

You’ve given me of your poisonous snake bite
You’ve taken all of this virginal blood
You’re still descendant of ones with the rites
I was a child of the one nailed to wood.

What have come of this?
Why was I so blind?
What have come of this, baby?
Why can you feel like you used to feel before it all went down?
Before you eagerly wished to put on that crown?
Why can’t it be like it used to be this time around?

I was lost in your black hole eyes
I was seduced by your double voice backwards
I allowed myself cut myself blind
From the truth that was always displayed there.