Archive for the ‘Loss Poetry’ Category

Everything Has Gone Back to Normal

Everything has gone back to normal
And my blood it bleeds red
And how it aches
How it hurts.

Everything has gone back to normal
And my calls are not responded
All in a busy tone
All in a busy tone.

Everything has gone back to normal
And this silence is by my side
Greeting me with open arms
Greeting me again.

Everything has gone back to normal
And I feel like my usual self
So useless, so useless
Yeah…

The white empty space
A wide empty space
Nowhere to escape
I have awoken.

Everything has gone back to normal
The momentary happiness has passed away
Passed away
Passed away.

Everything has gone back to normal
Daydreaming seems so bliss
Like a bad joke
I don’t want to.

The wide empty space
Here in my chest
Here in my head
I was never completed.

Everything…
Has gone back…
To normal…
Sigh… The End…?

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‘Cause I don’t want to live without you…

For Every Time I’ve Lost You

Get me out of this misery
Cause I don’t wish to live without you
Cause everywhere that I look
I see the illusion of you.

What to do with the feelings you’re feeling?
When they used to be pure and carefree?
What to do now that the clouds have become grey?
What to do with this hurt that I feel every day?

Get me out of this misery
Cause I don’t wish to live like this anymore
Cause everything that I do
Is to be thinking of you.

Gray clouds gather, raining down on my face
And I don’t know what to do with all this space
Prepare myself to move on or fail in the process
How, when our lives used to be so full of roses?

The Tracking Device

Why do we keep holding on so much onto the past?
Why can’t we walk away from it and leave it behind?
Traces of it keep shoving over my face and down my throat
Stop following me! Teasing me with what I had but that I’ve lost…

You hold onto the sentiments that were once there
But all you find there is pain, shame, and remorse
You swear to yourself that you’ve always been sincere
About the ways you deal with this shit, but you don’t.

I want to move on
But these chains keep chasing me
Strapping me, holding me still
And when I try to kill them, confront them
Mirages of innocence are what I see.

To sacrifice my own to obtain a new freer future?
To put into the fire those who couldn’t get away?
These parts of me are still trapped under the butcher’s thump
Give them back to me! It smiles with a smirk filled with evilness…

You hold onto the things you think are still salvable
Broken, bent and out of shape, they’re not like they were before
You swear to yourself you won’t give yourself like this
You end up being the whore for hope, trying to hold it all together.

I want to let go
But these thoughts keep assaulting me
Strapping me, tying me still
They ask for the ransom, but never kept their part of the deal
These hostages are never released.

And frustration turns into anger
Turns into hurting oneself and those around you
Cause in your mind you think this is unfair
And maybe the whole world has conspired against you.

Pain is the tracking device
That will follow you anywhere
Like a devious, defiant vice
That you just can’t abandon in here.

Phasma

Posted: February 6, 2017 in Loss Poetry, Painful Poetry
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Phasma

I’ve tried to make amends with the ghosts in my head
Yes, I’ve tried all that is humanly possible to atone
But how are you to make peace with the dead?
When you are still here and they are long gone?

Inherent of Itself

I say, burn it all down
Burn it all down, girl
I’ll stay here, right beside
Till it all goes to the ground.

Cause the ghosts of the hands can’t “untouch” us
And the strike of the words can’t “unhurt” us

So I say, burn it all down
Burn it all till there’s nothing left
I’ll stay here, right beside you
Till you feel comfort to move on.

Cause the sand won’t go back to its prison bottle
And our tears, they go down the river with the bodies…

And so they rest and dream
Of the dreams I couldn’t dream
But now you do
Rest on, my friend, rest forever.

I should’ve kissed you when I had the chance
I should’ve told you how I felt then…

Maybe things would’ve ended up different
Maybe I would’ve done the very the same.

Dementia

Posted: December 14, 2015 in Loss Poetry, Painful Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This is dedicated to my great aunt. May God have you in his glory.

Dementia

I couldn’t understand the way she started to behave
I didn’t know how to react to all of the sudden change
Taking care of the person who I used to be taken cared by
I don’t wanna spend my hours wondering for the day I will have to say “good-bye”.

This conversation is getting nowhere
I keep repeating things she won’t remember
Gone are the memories she used to hold dear
It all ended before it ended on that awful day of September.

I wasn’t prepared for the situations coming my way
Nobody ever taught me how hard this was going to be
I need the advice that I need you to tell me in your disorientation
Cruel harsh reality must be the best leading way conducting to an ongoing education.

How many people did you help?
How many people are here sitting by you now?
Life passed revenge on the one who put you here
You kept asking for the names of the people that were nowhere to be found.

I was too young to understand then
Full of anger, full of disappointment
And you broke me to the point I started crying
Oh how I miss you… how you truly changed me… there’s no denying.

When I wrote this, I did with a lot of guilt and hurt in my heart. This is dedicated to one of my mentors. One of the most honest, struggling person I’ve met. Your faith has saved you and now you’re with your Lord.

Memoir

Nobody remembers the dead
When they were alive, we might as well forgot about them
Everyone pretends not to know who they were
The life they spend with sacrifice, with love, with pain.
This ghost haunts inside my head
No, I wasn’t the biggest friend nor was I there at the end
Everything I promised I would do for, I never did
This is a heavy weight I have to live with, and nothing else
In times like this, you realize you could have done so much more.

Now they rest
They don’t need of your support anymore
You don’t need to visit them when they’re sick
You don’t need to remind them how much you love them
You don’t need to worry about how their doing
You don’t need to worry how they feel;
If they’re hungry, sad, or alone.
Now they’re in a better place, where they’re being taken care of.

Parents mourn their child
When life runs backwards
And the young die before the old
No parent can stand to see their child being sick
No parent can stand to see their child suffer
No parent should witness their child die
And no parent should bury their own child
The thought of Heaven isn’t comfort enough
When you’re hurting because of the loss
But the strength’s in the will of the host
And sometimes instead of fighting is best to rest
Is not about giving up but about letting go
When your name is being called
And with a smile you respond to your caller
You leave a gleam of hope for those down here
Who do still remember.