Archive for the ‘Painful Poetry’ Category

Everything Has Gone Back to Normal

Everything has gone back to normal
And my blood it bleeds red
And how it aches
How it hurts.

Everything has gone back to normal
And my calls are not responded
All in a busy tone
All in a busy tone.

Everything has gone back to normal
And this silence is by my side
Greeting me with open arms
Greeting me again.

Everything has gone back to normal
And I feel like my usual self
So useless, so useless
Yeah…

The white empty space
A wide empty space
Nowhere to escape
I have awoken.

Everything has gone back to normal
The momentary happiness has passed away
Passed away
Passed away.

Everything has gone back to normal
Daydreaming seems so bliss
Like a bad joke
I don’t want to.

The wide empty space
Here in my chest
Here in my head
I was never completed.

Everything…
Has gone back…
To normal…
Sigh… The End…?

Under the Rain of my Eyes

All the time in the world is not enough
I’m always gonna love you
I’m always gonna miss you
I’m always gonna need you.

Consuming Fire

Fill this tank
‘Cause it’s empty
You faceless man
You used to have a name
Not mentioned anymore
Cause I’m too proud
And I’m too hurt
To even repent.

I knew from the beginning that this was going to fail
You told me over and over and over and over again
But I like the mistakes in a flavor that I can enjoy the taste
I’m drowning but my arms don’t reach out to be saved.

Leave me alone
But (please) don’t forsake me
Cause you’re in my head
And still cannot hear me
Bit my tongue
Before claiming anything
My pride
My anchor keeping my under.

I know of your existence and all of your righteous ways
But this outcast found a place where hurt is heard
There’s no more trace of you in the present world here
It has become the thing that you told me I’d most fear.

If you don’t reach me, I won’t attempt anything alone
I know that I need this, but I need to see my worth
You left an imprint in my soul, enough to hold me back
But you forget to place a filter when the sky turns black.

Severance

And this earthquake will be felt by the people such as I
And when it comes and I won’t be able to see eye to eye
I’ll be bowing my head, while tears roll down my face
‘Cause I’ll be feeling that this chaos I’ve had embraced.

And the fragile mind will stay in shock as they lie in awe
And my hands will tremble, and my heart will surely drop
I’ll be cursing myself, while my fast press against heaven
‘Cause I’ll be feeling that the balance’s unfairly uneven.

And nobody else will truly understand how to reach with my hands
And rip my heart out in order to show the world how much I hurt
And when that time comes my thoughts of suicide might double
‘Cause this while will feel like I’ve wasted it just lying in the dirt.

I can’t find a way to convince myself that it will be alright
‘Cause I know in my heart of hearts that it will bring much more sorrow
And by then I’ll realize that this leading light isn’t as bright
It’s just a veneer to make you believe that there’ll be a better tomorrow.

From the perspective of someone else

Bodhi – Seoul (Erudire)

This one goes to my father
To my mother
To my God
And all the intentions they had for me.

Implant fictional memories of things I never lived
In this imminent break up, make me choose a side
Such a diabolical plan to take a child to manipulate
Push that love for a cornerstone deep in my insides.

I’ve found my shattered self
In a higher realm
Inside my own
Right where you left my dead pride and soul.

Move me with your strings, like the puppet you think I am
I’ll be bowing my head, waving my hands up, side to side
Dictate all the prayers, and the rules I’m set to understand
Push self-love in a small bottle that I must drink until I die.

This circus that you made of my youth
You made a pact for the cult that was set to sting
To praise a God that never gave a fuck
But now I’ve found a way to be again enlightened, liberated.

The Tracking Device

Why do we keep holding on so much onto the past?
Why can’t we walk away from it and leave it behind?
Traces of it keep shoving over my face and down my throat
Stop following me! Teasing me with what I had but that I’ve lost…

You hold onto the sentiments that were once there
But all you find there is pain, shame, and remorse
You swear to yourself that you’ve always been sincere
About the ways you deal with this shit, but you don’t.

I want to move on
But these chains keep chasing me
Strapping me, holding me still
And when I try to kill them, confront them
Mirages of innocence are what I see.

To sacrifice my own to obtain a new freer future?
To put into the fire those who couldn’t get away?
These parts of me are still trapped under the butcher’s thump
Give them back to me! It smiles with a smirk filled with evilness…

You hold onto the things you think are still salvable
Broken, bent and out of shape, they’re not like they were before
You swear to yourself you won’t give yourself like this
You end up being the whore for hope, trying to hold it all together.

I want to let go
But these thoughts keep assaulting me
Strapping me, tying me still
They ask for the ransom, but never kept their part of the deal
These hostages are never released.

And frustration turns into anger
Turns into hurting oneself and those around you
Cause in your mind you think this is unfair
And maybe the whole world has conspired against you.

Pain is the tracking device
That will follow you anywhere
Like a devious, defiant vice
That you just can’t abandon in here.

Cornelia

She came into the room without knocking on the door
Just like she has done a million times before
She came in like flame, burning on the floor
Looking all innocent but we know what she has in store.

Must be cold in here
You’re shaking all over
Dripping from the hair
Too young to be sober.

Porcelain girl, wearing her small doll dress
Silky night gown, she’s being a seductress.

Too fragile for the great fall
When it hits ground, it breaks
Cutting off her flesh, her heart
Blurring in all of her other scars…

She clung onto me like an insect against a flytrap
A startling response, I just couldn’t react
Her arms and legs tight around my body
She’s never liked her father but she’s calling me “daddy”.

Must be hot in here
She’s dropping her robe
Thinking; is it love or fear?
Too young just to cope.

Porcelain girl, feeling awkward in her own skin
Insecurity ingrown, she seems to be hurting.

Too fragile for the great fall
When it hits ground, it breaks
Cutting off her flesh, her heart
Blurring in all of her other scars…

Invisible to the eye
I don’t see you as such
Confusion is such a lie
Coercing you to rush.

Just to give in to the passion
Just to see another’s reaction
She’s in the dangerous position
Where succumbing suffices to the occasion.