Archive for the ‘Painful Poetry’ Category

Poem about some mental illness and emotional issues. It started lighter, but as i kept writing on, it became darker.

Infatuation Whore

Take me in
I don’t want
Don’t need
This reality
What you can
What’s out there
At the moment
Is enough now.

Cause beggars cannot be choosers
Throw my self-worth out the window
Put myself on sale
Something that anyone could be interested.

Put me in
Just right next
To where
Something is
Anywhere
Doesn’t matter
Just inside
Is good enough.

Cause hunger cannot be demanding
Being cheap, just like a whore
When you come to break me
Know that I’m already completely broken.

My heart might be hot garbage
But my soul is worth at least a penny
Remember that when you dismantle me
I’m selling my body because I need the money.

Don’t worry
You’re not the first who has ever touched me
In this way
Or any other way.

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A very personal poem


A Voice Starting To Grow a Face

The words from your voice
Became the voice in my mind
And I kept feeding it and feeding it
Until it became the only thing I could hear

You put these monsters on front
I was the one who turned them into demons
You offered me disappointed in myself
I was the one who signed the pact and agreed on it.

Now that you’re gone
I keep having these thoughts as my masters
I feel whatever they want me to feel
And live by their law that I’ll always be worthless.

As I kept fighting your lies
Deep inside I started believing they were true
And now when I look at the mirror
I can only see the rejection, disgust and judgment.

‘Cause as you said; “this world is threatening”
“be careful who you trust in this life”
“they will break your heart and you will be nothing”
“you can only count in yourself and no one else”
I began realizing that this voice is starting to grow a face.

And with your indifference and lack of love
I learned that you were special as you screamed “You are not!”
I’m here to break the pattern, to undo the loop
This hierarchy of madness and violence stops right here.

Torn Feathers

Gone in your puzzled eyes
Your mind steers astray
Just for the lack of touch
Not only on my flesh
But what’s under it
Silence is a brick wall
Keeping you out
Keeping the pain in
Press on the clothe
We built up this gate
Dividing the home
We once called ours.

Do you think we still have a spark of a chance?
A spark of a chance to save it?
Before it’s too late?
Or is it too late already?

Torn feathers
For all the angels we have killed
The sour feelings
That we can’t make sweet again.

Sand is on the slip
Turning the hourglass
Illusion of the illusory
It was never my intention
To hurt you
With the way I’m hurting
To try to squeeze
The last drop of this scarpered love
Is this cup really empty?
Have we really given up?
I need your touch
To feel like you still feel for me.

Do you think we can save it?
Do you think we still have a spark of a chance?
Before it’s all over
Or was it over long ago?

Torn feathers
For all the angels we’ve mistreated
The darkened feelings
That we can’t make into light again.

So is our future now nothing?
Nothing that can be done to fix this?
Are you done?
With this?
With us?
With me?
Are we doomed?
Never to love or forgive one another ever again?

When art meets extreme painful feelings

Erased Completely

Here, here is where you left me
Here, here is where you threw me away
I kept on waiting, even when you said it was over
I kept on waiting, hoping you would change your mind.

But this life is so fucking miserable
And this life is so fucking unfair
I know I hurt you, I know you hurt me
But don’t you ever think that I didn’t care.

Don’t take my feelings for less
Don’t you fucking do this to me!
Don’t take all we lived for nothing
Cause you know damn well that I loved you intensively.

Here, here is where we left off
Here, here is where you cut me off
I kept on waiting, like a canceled TV show, hoping to be renewed
I kept on waiting, like sudden death, ‘cause now I’m mourning.

But this life is such a fucking joke
And this life has put me to the test
I know I hurt you, I know you hurt me
But don’t you ever think that I didn’t try my best.

Don’t take my feelings for less
Don’t you fucking do this to me!
Don’t take all we lived for granted
Cause you know damn well that I loved you intensively.

All thrown away
Every fucking thing that grew inside my heart
Thrown away
Why should I move on and begin again?
When you’re the proof that love goes down the shitter
All your hate and indifference, tears me apart
Damn my life, I cannot stand having lost you
Please, release me, pull the trigger as you cut the cord.

Pathetic as only I can be
I always knew you were gonna end up hating me
Pathetic as only I can be
You swore, crossed your heart you were never gonna be my enemy.

And for what?
All this life is only a lie
Where I longer exist
What’s only left’s to rot and die.

…Then You Die

Haunted and searching for escape
Like the ones who came before him
On this never ending twisted maze
Only the loneliness is what embraces
Ghostly voices passing by
He thinks he can capture one of them
And then turn it into life
It’s a make-do remediate
Something to seize his attention for awhile
As he goes back feeling left to die.

Oh all of the words that one could say
It feels like one is delaying the inevitable
Oh let the poor man rest, to pass away
No one is gonna miss what was invisible.

Trembling and with nothing much to do
All the circumstances have come full circle
Oh this never ending torturing dementia
To wait for the ones who won’t ever return
Familiar faces pass him by
But they’re not the ones he thinks they are
What cruel joke to the heart
To be trapped in your own broken mind
As the lines up ahead begin to blur
A smile to disguise all that makes him hurt.

Oh all the things that one wish could say
It feels like one is trying to save what one can’t
Oh let the tired man sway, to take a break
Nobody is gonna remember what they just neglected.

He feels like he can touch the air
But it’s just vapor floating around
They’re all gone, the ones that did care
As he gives his last breath and falls to the ground.

Good night and good bye, kind sir
Who but the ones who’re still alive will try to reminisce?
Until our very own lines begin to blur
And then too be taken away by that very callous essence.

Ms. Him Mr. Her

She doesn’t need any friends
Who the hell ever needed any?
You know she can depend of herself
Except when is required another’s opinion
She can do it all on her own
Never seen anybody so damn independent
It doesn’t matter the days she feels alone
She can disguise it all with a forced smile now.

Sometimes she wishes to feel the rain
Other days she prays for the world to burn
She can be at the edge of the end and not fall away
But I know to the center of it all she can never return.

She’s never ever truly wrong
Except for the moments she doubts herself
Don’t dare to give an opinion of your own
That’s an offense she will never forgive, nor forget
Don’t you know she’s the queen of her world?
Who the fuck needs a king when she can do it all?
It doesn’t matter if you truly have fallen in love
She doesn’t need your goddamn affection or empathy.

Sometimes she wishes she wasn’t born
Other days she prays for the world to disappear
She can be at the verge of a breakdown and still not mourn
But I know that when death is so close you can only fear.

She’s doing so much better in her head
While her actions only dictate how she’s losing her mind
“You and I, yeah, we rather be dead”
That’s what she whispers when she’s tired of being kind.

She gives her body and soul to strangers
Cause those are the ones that will forget later on
She risks it all without a fuck about the dangers
And she’s gonna do it all until the day that she’s finally gone.

This is for my soon to be ex-wife. I know she won’t read this, but I have to get it out.

For Everything We Cannot Talk About Anymore

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we spent time together
And all the differences were set aside
And all of our problems didn’t put up a wall.

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we laughed together
And all of our differences were put down
And the problems with each other became obsolete.

It was so beautiful, and it was so nice
It was like we healed and left the past behind
I swear to God I never intended to hurt you
I never intended for us to end up like this

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we were friends again
And all the differences were things of the past
And all our problems were buried deep under.

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we had a good time
And everything that made us be away from each other
Was something we were matured enough to deal with.

It was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes
It was like we forgave one another and left the past behind
I swear to God I never intended to hurt you
I never intended for us to end up like this

Why can’t we talk about it?
How come we end up hurting again?
I wish I had the strength to be a different person
The betterness you seek back then.

No matter how much time passes,
no matter how wide the distance is,
It still hurts like it was yesterday
I cannot forgive myself for how insufficient I was
But now it’s far too late,
we have locked that door
Now there’s no room for repentance, or
For everything we cannot talk about anymore.