Archive for the ‘Painful Poetry’ Category

Too many lives wasted too young to depression and suicide. I contemplated in my pain and wrote this. This is dedicated to my father, mother, brothers, sister, my ex wife, my children and some of my friends. It’s not supposed to rhyme or be super smart, just smeared my feelings all over it.


(The image is NOT made by me)

Swallowing Dark Hole of Solitude

You speak better with silence
I speak better with silence
But please tell me what’s wrong?
I need to know what’s wrong?

I can see you in your corner silent
You can see me in my corner silent
There’s something wrong with you
There’s something wrong with me.

But words they escape us
They cannot truly capture the feeling
Broken at times, lonely at others.

Maybe you just need to cry
Maybe I just need a hug
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
But we don’t see that, at all.

I just saw you crying
I couldn’t deal with it
I’m holding my tears in
Hiding myself from crying
I don’t want you to see this.

Make a joke to shake the hurt
Yell instead of breaking down
Apathetic and numb
I’m so sorry and so alone.

I heard the news the other day
They took their own lives way too young
I wish I could be dead instead at times
But then I think about suffering I’d be causing

Is there a way out?
God? Love? Money?
I know we cannot be hurting like this forever
In our silence we speak amounts.

Speak to me
I wish to know
I too, myself
At times, feel alone.

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I don’t know what the future holds but one thing is for sure I’ll keep on writing. This one is from Amanda White

Archipelago

Category and distance
Those are the rules of being polite
I’ve never met anybody
Quite as honest, as harsh as you.

You shine like a star
You are burning
You’re hot like lava
And I’m melting.

This is building a bridge
To places I’ve never wanted to go in me
I know we wanted to turn our islands
Into a sweet paradise, into a big archipelago.

But you’re ticking on like a time bomb
And I’m the putting up the hours
There’s no switch to turn the senses off
So the sweet is turning sour.

Residues of an apparent lifetime
Like ghosts of an abandoned habitat
We could’ve been so kind
But instead we only brought the bad.

You shined like a star
You were burning
You were hot like lava
Until you melted in.

And the house we were edifying
Didn’t have a strong foundation to withstand it
And now it’s time to close down that door
And in all sadness, leave you right behind it.

Cause you came like a match reaching me
And I’m a jasmine scented fuel tank
And with your fire, I burned and burned good
So now I cannot allow myself to keep on corroding.

So it’s time for our souls to take sail
As our hearts, hopes and dreams to sink
I’m now deciding for our winnings and fails
And you can think whatever you wish to think

But its time…
It’s time to be formal
It’s time to be strangers
Back to gaps and silence bits
Back to feeling somehow unfit.

Time will help me forget about all the wounds
Time will help me forget all about you
Time will only tell if we will remain friends
Or if inside my pain I’ll whisper “screw you.”

I haven’t written anything about myself in months. I feel it’s time that I do, so… This is where I left off…

Prison Ward

So I decided to pull the trigger after all
Since I was being cornered against the wall
All the people that were there was no more
Again, it was me against the whole damn world.

Everywhere I turned it was a locked door
And when I asked for help they asked back “what for?”
So the molten lava inside my chest started to boil
And the knives in my back started eating up whole.

I’ve built a prison for my thoughts
‘Cause everyone is either tired or bored of them
And though I’m not as good to speak things as I was
It feels weird to bury them after watching them burn.

So after I went out of the place I was supposed to feel safe
I was back to “I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done” bullshit
That’s another scar on my heart that from now on I’ll wear
This one goes to the hidden chest inside my chest that I’ll keep, I swear.

I always hold onto the wound, or so you will say
You better start thinking of running away like you tried that day
Once more, I helped myself, when no one was there for me
On my black list, I scratched your name, ‘cause you no longer exist.

I’ve built a prison for my feelings
‘Cause everyone is either offended by or unaware of them
And though I’m not as good to speak things as I was then
It feels weird to bite my tongue as I witness my insides turn.

I’m my own prison ward
And you’re not welcome here
You can talk with the representative
But never again to the real living being.

The prisoner inside myself
Will never forget what you’ve done
I hope you’re happy with it has happened
A doppelgänger is wearing my skin and living in our home.

That Muscle Called the Heart

So the ghost of the face of you stood frozen in my screen
It’s the most beautiful and heart-breaking thing I’ve ever seen
My fingertips try to feel your life, but they can never reach
I imagine where you are, maybe out there in the mall or enjoying the sun in the beach.

This road here is leading nowhere, I’m stuck in the same place
When I first came I promised my love I’d overcome all this pain
Now I feel like I’m at the end of my rope, the end of this race
And I never amounted to anything, and I have nobody else to blame.

So when will, if ever, this show finally close its curtains?
I’ve exposed my life to the point that everyone knows a piece of me
Don’t you know I want to run and be like it was in the beginning?
With the innocence, and a smile and the hope that everything will fix itself.

So the ghost of the face of you stood frozen in my screen
Reminding everything I’ve lost, and how lost I have been
My fingertips try to feel your life, but they can never reach
I wish I could be for you a good example, but the distance won’t allow me to teach.

You’ll only know what they’ve told you about me
The only person that you’ll have missing in your life
Oh, my children, you don’t know much I wish to have you here with me
But instead I have to confront this endless loop of strife.

I haven’t given before my opinion about today’s society’s status. This is my opinion about it all.

SeaSick

Nuke us, nuke us
This world deserves death
Apathy and nihilism
I’m a man with no faith.

I don’t hate you enough to pull the trigger
I don’t love you enough to extend my hand
Die in the corner, where nobody sees you
Die of starvation, the rich-from overdose.

This canvas is all painted over
There’s nothing else to put here
Just throw it to the trash and then
Bring a blank canvas and start again.

Your opinion, my opinion
The facts, the suffering
All of the notion that keeps moving on
We all born, we all die, we all cry!!!

So nuke us, nuke us
So we can truly fucking feel
How the goddamn end is like
Politicians and religious nuts
The politically correct and millennials
And those who don’t give a fuck
And for those who don’t believe in a God!
Die! For all of our sins
Or lack of
Perfect? Perfect is your bullshit
Thinking that we’re not on the same boat
One that is sinking!!!

The wave of so much nothingness
I’m getting seasick by all of the hollowness
The pitch black, nothing is essential
Everything is created, nothing is accidental.

The Stream, the String, the Stirring

The hollowness is expanding
Reaching greater lengths
The darkness is merging
Opposing our strength.

And if you’re weak
It will devour you
And if you’re sick
It will assimilate you.

But I, the shadows don’t want me no more
And the light, it’s still too far for me to reach
For I am a joke now as I was to them before
I’m the one who got their soul system breached.

The content of the box is being revealed
It wasn’t like there was nothing in it before
And the designs, that were once sealed
It is a falling that will certainly leave you sore.

And if you’re blind
It will consume you
And if you’re kind
It will disgust you.

But I, I am a wanderer between parallel realms
And the light, it’s still far too holy for me to touch
For I am the abortion of these parasitic stems
I’m the one who will never avail things as such.

I’ve taken sides, but never sided with the unknown
Although my core lusts to learn what’s out there and beyond
I’ve chained myself to the love and the pain ingrown
And my memory will hold meaning until I am completely gone.

The Conversation

This internal struggle is growling
And looking out for the hunt
All that it seems is to be hurting
The ones I care about the most.

I tend to make people feel like they’re not enough
Probably because it’s the way I feel about myself
I don’t know how to make you feel this hurt as much
So I hurt you intentionally so you would hurt in yourself.

This self-reflection is momentarily
Later I’ll find an excuse not to
All that I do is hurt emotionally
The ones I feel have hurt me too.

I tend to make people feel like they’re useless
Probably because I feel pretty useless myself
I don’t know how to make you see all this as such
So I hurt you intentionally so you would hurt in yourself.

Oh how we promised to each other to be safe havens
Oh how we promised to each other that would be safe
And now that our rotten corpses are eaten by ravens
We still signify in account for our many, many mistakes.

I think we should’ve had this conversation long time ago
We would’ve had better comprehension of things going on
Oh how my broken heart can’t help yours be fixed, oh no
But how I wish we could simply heal each other all along.