Archive for the ‘Struggle Poetry’ Category

Poem about some mental illness and emotional issues. It started lighter, but as i kept writing on, it became darker.

Infatuation Whore

Take me in
I don’t want
Don’t need
This reality
What you can
What’s out there
At the moment
Is enough now.

Cause beggars cannot be choosers
Throw my self-worth out the window
Put myself on sale
Something that anyone could be interested.

Put me in
Just right next
To where
Something is
Anywhere
Doesn’t matter
Just inside
Is good enough.

Cause hunger cannot be demanding
Being cheap, just like a whore
When you come to break me
Know that I’m already completely broken.

My heart might be hot garbage
But my soul is worth at least a penny
Remember that when you dismantle me
I’m selling my body because I need the money.

Don’t worry
You’re not the first who has ever touched me
In this way
Or any other way.

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A very personal poem


A Voice Starting To Grow a Face

The words from your voice
Became the voice in my mind
And I kept feeding it and feeding it
Until it became the only thing I could hear

You put these monsters on front
I was the one who turned them into demons
You offered me disappointed in myself
I was the one who signed the pact and agreed on it.

Now that you’re gone
I keep having these thoughts as my masters
I feel whatever they want me to feel
And live by their law that I’ll always be worthless.

As I kept fighting your lies
Deep inside I started believing they were true
And now when I look at the mirror
I can only see the rejection, disgust and judgment.

‘Cause as you said; “this world is threatening”
“be careful who you trust in this life”
“they will break your heart and you will be nothing”
“you can only count in yourself and no one else”
I began realizing that this voice is starting to grow a face.

And with your indifference and lack of love
I learned that you were special as you screamed “You are not!”
I’m here to break the pattern, to undo the loop
This hierarchy of madness and violence stops right here.

Ryan Lyandree

Shroud of the Veil

I’m not gonna cry
For I am stronger than this
I’m only gonna fight
Whatever is pressing me in, suppressing me
I better hold tight,
Dizzy and down on both knees
My face won’t slump to the ground
I’m mauling my lips with my teeth
With the taste of iron collecting in my mouth
As salty and sour as my restrained tears
I am hurting
Both mentally and physically
Not to mention fucking emotionally…
Like a wounded animal,
(But) I will wield and I will not yelp
And although internally I am bleeding
(No) I won’t beg or ask for your help
I’m keeping the pressure on
You won’t see any seep, you won’t see a drop
But when I get up from here
I swear I’m gonna go for your head
Oh by Thelema and BaalZebub
You better be ready, asshole!
‘Cause I’m gonna go for your fucking throat.

This was a battle
Where I allowed you to give me your best shot
And to shoot first
Foolish of me
I accept I was overconfident
But now that I’m addled
And on my way to almost expire
I stare at my maker’s eye
I swallow this hard pill
For it has come to me, like the veil being shrouded
Revealed to me, by an act of apparent flitting divinity
That with my pain I shall dissolve your ivory tower
With all of my agony I shall bring down your dirt empire

So come on
Come closer to me
You want to be in touch with my soul?
You really want to see the root of my anger?
Come, thy brother
Come see the burden
The secret shall be revealed to you!
Come closer, thy brother
Can you already feel it?
Can you hear any of them?
The whispers turn into screams
The demons tormenting!
Feel my pain!
Feel my agony!
Goddamn it!!!
Why don’t you feel my pain?!
Come and feel my agony!
I shall crush you and I will destroy you!
Even if it’s the last thing I do in my feeble and miserable existence
I will put you in my shoes
I will drag you down with me
And you’ll feel how’s to be crawling like a ravished and trampled snake.

Then you will have what you really wanted
And then I will have what I really needed
An equivalent exchange of the suffering
We shall both be the losers but as long as you’re not winning
I shall always be grateful
I shall always be one with my shadow.

Ms. Him Mr. Her

She doesn’t need any friends
Who the hell ever needed any?
You know she can depend of herself
Except when is required another’s opinion
She can do it all on her own
Never seen anybody so damn independent
It doesn’t matter the days she feels alone
She can disguise it all with a forced smile now.

Sometimes she wishes to feel the rain
Other days she prays for the world to burn
She can be at the edge of the end and not fall away
But I know to the center of it all she can never return.

She’s never ever truly wrong
Except for the moments she doubts herself
Don’t dare to give an opinion of your own
That’s an offense she will never forgive, nor forget
Don’t you know she’s the queen of her world?
Who the fuck needs a king when she can do it all?
It doesn’t matter if you truly have fallen in love
She doesn’t need your goddamn affection or empathy.

Sometimes she wishes she wasn’t born
Other days she prays for the world to disappear
She can be at the verge of a breakdown and still not mourn
But I know that when death is so close you can only fear.

She’s doing so much better in her head
While her actions only dictate how she’s losing her mind
“You and I, yeah, we rather be dead”
That’s what she whispers when she’s tired of being kind.

She gives her body and soul to strangers
Cause those are the ones that will forget later on
She risks it all without a fuck about the dangers
And she’s gonna do it all until the day that she’s finally gone.

Before I started writing esoteric, intellectual and metaphoric poetry, I used to write raw, in-your-face poems. This is an example of that.

Blissed

She likes the song because of the rhythm
She likes the song because of the beat
Because she can get lost and not feel a thing
Because she can get high and go on floating.

But when the song ends
Her problems will be there waiting for her
Will she put the song on repeat?
And if she does, will she keep doing it forever?

I’ll be there, when you need me
I’ll be there, when you cannot go anywhere
I’ll be here, ‘cause I know you need me
‘cause I know you don’t have anyone else.

He likes the song because of the lyrics
He likes the song because it’s somber
Because he can get lost in his inner darkness
Because he can befriend the demons within.

But when the song ends
His problems will be there waiting for him
Will he put the song on repeat?
And if he does, will he do that never ending?

I’ll be there, when you need me
I’ll be there, when you cannot go anywhere
I’ll be here, ‘cause I know you need me
‘cause I know you don’t have anyone else.

I’ll be driving you to be negligent
I’ll be driving you to hurt yourself
But you don’t care, ‘cause you’re indifferent
To a window of happiness, you’re really not sure.

I’ll be there, when you need me
I’ll be there, when you cannot go anywhere
I’ll be here, ‘cause I know you need me
‘cause I know you don’t have anyone else.

‘Cause I know you don’t have anyone else
Yes, I know, that you don’t have anyone else.

Too many lives wasted too young to depression and suicide. I contemplated in my pain and wrote this. This is dedicated to my father, mother, brothers, sister, my ex wife, my children and some of my friends. It’s not supposed to rhyme or be super smart, just smeared my feelings all over it.


(The image is NOT made by me)

Swallowing Dark Hole of Solitude

You speak better with silence
I speak better with silence
But please tell me what’s wrong?
I need to know what’s wrong?

I can see you in your corner silent
You can see me in my corner silent
There’s something wrong with you
There’s something wrong with me.

But words they escape us
They cannot truly capture the feeling
Broken at times, lonely at others.

Maybe you just need to cry
Maybe I just need a hug
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
But we don’t see that, at all.

I just saw you crying
I couldn’t deal with it
I’m holding my tears in
Hiding myself from crying
I don’t want you to see this.

Make a joke to shake the hurt
Yell instead of breaking down
Apathetic and numb
I’m so sorry and so alone.

I heard the news the other day
They took their own lives way too young
I wish I could be dead instead at times
But then I think about suffering I’d be causing

Is there a way out?
God? Love? Money?
I know we cannot be hurting like this forever
In our silence we speak amounts.

Speak to me
I wish to know
I too, myself
At times, feel alone.