Archive for the ‘Struggle Poetry’ Category

Consuming Fire

Fill this tank
‘Cause it’s empty
You faceless man
You used to have a name
Not mentioned anymore
Cause I’m too proud
And I’m too hurt
To even repent.

I knew from the beginning that this was going to fail
You told me over and over and over and over again
But I like the mistakes in a flavor that I can enjoy the taste
I’m drowning but my arms don’t reach out to be saved.

Leave me alone
But (please) don’t forsake me
Cause you’re in my head
And still cannot hear me
Bit my tongue
Before claiming anything
My pride
My anchor keeping my under.

I know of your existence and all of your righteous ways
But this outcast found a place where hurt is heard
There’s no more trace of you in the present world here
It has become the thing that you told me I’d most fear.

If you don’t reach me, I won’t attempt anything alone
I know that I need this, but I need to see my worth
You left an imprint in my soul, enough to hold me back
But you forget to place a filter when the sky turns black.

From the perspective of someone else

Bodhi – Seoul (Erudire)

This one goes to my father
To my mother
To my God
And all the intentions they had for me.

Implant fictional memories of things I never lived
In this imminent break up, make me choose a side
Such a diabolical plan to take a child to manipulate
Push that love for a cornerstone deep in my insides.

I’ve found my shattered self
In a higher realm
Inside my own
Right where you left my dead pride and soul.

Move me with your strings, like the puppet you think I am
I’ll be bowing my head, waving my hands up, side to side
Dictate all the prayers, and the rules I’m set to understand
Push self-love in a small bottle that I must drink until I die.

This circus that you made of my youth
You made a pact for the cult that was set to sting
To praise a God that never gave a fuck
But now I’ve found a way to be again enlightened, liberated.

Facsimile Amalgamation

Obsessively in love with you
‘Cause you’re a part of me
The only part I love
The only part that’s missing
And there you are alive
Looking for a way to get back to me
Crying, cause you’re lost
And you wish for me to get you.

This poison inserted in me
By the snake and his minions
Is keeping me hindered
Held in chains and frustrated
But here at the distance
I can hear your voice cry
I can hear you weeping
Begging for me to come and rescue you.

Obsessively in love with you
‘Cause you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
Definitely the kindest
And there you are alive
Looking for a way to connect with me
Be a part of me again
To be whole and completely happy.

These walls put up for me
By the devil and all his slaves
Are impeding my aid
From your pain and your needs
But here close to me
I can hear you voice cry
Deep within my heart
I can hear your heart pounding and loving.

Nothing that I say
Can save you from this suffering
It will never be okay
For you to still be hurting
And it kills me like nothing else
Not being able to help you
Wish I could do undo this curse
And be right there with you too.

The Tracking Device

Why do we keep holding on so much onto the past?
Why can’t we walk away from it and leave it behind?
Traces of it keep shoving over my face and down my throat
Stop following me! Teasing me with what I had but that I’ve lost…

You hold onto the sentiments that were once there
But all you find there is pain, shame, and remorse
You swear to yourself that you’ve always been sincere
About the ways you deal with this shit, but you don’t.

I want to move on
But these chains keep chasing me
Strapping me, holding me still
And when I try to kill them, confront them
Mirages of innocence are what I see.

To sacrifice my own to obtain a new freer future?
To put into the fire those who couldn’t get away?
These parts of me are still trapped under the butcher’s thump
Give them back to me! It smiles with a smirk filled with evilness…

You hold onto the things you think are still salvable
Broken, bent and out of shape, they’re not like they were before
You swear to yourself you won’t give yourself like this
You end up being the whore for hope, trying to hold it all together.

I want to let go
But these thoughts keep assaulting me
Strapping me, tying me still
They ask for the ransom, but never kept their part of the deal
These hostages are never released.

And frustration turns into anger
Turns into hurting oneself and those around you
Cause in your mind you think this is unfair
And maybe the whole world has conspired against you.

Pain is the tracking device
That will follow you anywhere
Like a devious, defiant vice
That you just can’t abandon in here.

This is dedicated to my children and the hurt I feel of knowing they’re so far away.

Justifiable Rage

I need this to hurt me
Cause I need to show you
How much it hurts
To see you hurting as well
The impotence
This fucking incapability.

If I don’t dig out all this shit that’s in my heart
This shit is gonna drag me even further down
Well, fuck all this distance keeping us apart
To these chains of restriction I’ll never be bound.

I need this to hurt me
Cause I can feel the pain
How much it destroys me
How much it destroys you as well
The unknowing
The ever fucking wondering.

You don’t know how angry, how sad
This makes me
You don’t know the frustration
All the things I wish I could say
I could do
To save you
Come here!
Come here!
Fuck the laws that keep us apart
I hate them!
I love you!
With my denying breath
I’ll always scream
You’re the light that keeps me alive!

Even though I’m trapped in this cage
I won’t give up as long as you love me
All this concern, this justifiable rage
Is fueled by the fact that you need me.

Confinement

Ever shifting thoughts
Of this ever shifting mood
Incongruent to the cause
Vital to the self-indulgency.

I am what I feel
And when I’ve felt nothing
Then I’m gone
Waging on what I feel
And when what I feel
Contrasts against
Then this paradigm shifts
A paradox of inconstancies.

Confident in my confinement!
Adamant in my confidence!

One day led by the muscles in my brain
One day led by the muscles in my heart
Which is stronger? Which can sustain?
Which can rekindle the light in the spark?

Living under incongruences
To tell myself is it okay
May I be the one exception?
Justifying the lack of will.

I am determined…

To feel what I feel
And when I feel nothing
Then I’ll be gone
Waging on what I feel
And then what I feel
Weights upon
Then this paradigm shifts
Such suitable scapegoat.

Confident in my confinement!
Adamant in my confidence!

Convenient to what I want
Perfect fit for what I feel
For everyone to see the light
And the lack off, the night
And the sky, and the sun
When it’s shinning upon.

Oh! This world is all in my head
I’m the center of this universe
May all the words that I’ve said
Be the way of where life traverses.

Repair and restore
Be one when you’re to reborn
Ready to bear so much more
Rejecting this old flesh in spurn.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything new. This is about a personal spiritual conflict, based on Carl Jung’s theory of the shadow.

Decentered

This is not supposed to be happening
How can I still be feeling like this?
This is not the way that I’ve devised it
How could I make a mistake as such?

Perfect being
Perfect gnosis
No room for errors
How can math be failing?

Perfect numbers
Perfect premise
No space for miscalculations
How can a character change it all?

I’m losing air to breathe
I’m drowning brain cells
Have no time
Have no patience.

Something above me
Something inside me
There must be something
Instead of this vast nothingness.