Posts Tagged ‘broken’

A Broken Man’s Show

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing
And I don’t know how to deal with all of this
That comes to me like a meteor shower
That comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

To pretend to keep some privacy
To try to be the best I can be
But I always come short
And it’s so humiliating
As I drown in my sense of failure
Attacked by my low self-esteem
To be bitten by the snake of arrogance
And deny myself of my own fault
Should I open the door?
Should I leave it like that?
This room is getting filled
And there’s no air outside.

A sick world that’s trying to cure me
Trying to numb my human reactions
Trying to fill up their emptiness focusing on mine
A sea of so called therapists
A sea of so called friends
But in this darkness
I see no arm reaching for me.

I’m done complaining
Done looking for help
How can I fix myself this time?
Walk away from this hell?
To watch out for every action that I make
Make sure it doesn’t hurt the loved ones
Doesn’t hurt their fragile pride
But what about me?
They only stare to see past beyond
But never to see what’s inside.

Oh this might be an error
Oh this might be a lie
But you see, in my perception
It’s blurry in my eyes
As warped as I’ve made it
As defensive as it can be
To create consciousness for a few seconds
For a few seconds to make some understand
But like the wind that blows the dust in circles
We’ll be soon back again to where we stand.

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing…

It comes to me like a meteor shower
It comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

Should I open the door?
(Maybe the exit lies beyond it)
Should I leave it like that?
(What about the unknown dangers?)
This room is getting filled
(And I’m asphyxiating)
And there’s no air outside
(Either way I’ll die).

Consuming Fire

Fill this tank
‘Cause it’s empty
You faceless man
You used to have a name
Not mentioned anymore
Cause I’m too proud
And I’m too hurt
To even repent.

I knew from the beginning that this was going to fail
You told me over and over and over and over again
But I like the mistakes in a flavor that I can enjoy the taste
I’m drowning but my arms don’t reach out to be saved.

Leave me alone
But (please) don’t forsake me
Cause you’re in my head
And still cannot hear me
Bit my tongue
Before claiming anything
My pride
My anchor keeping my under.

I know of your existence and all of your righteous ways
But this outcast found a place where hurt is heard
There’s no more trace of you in the present world here
It has become the thing that you told me I’d most fear.

If you don’t reach me, I won’t attempt anything alone
I know that I need this, but I need to see my worth
You left an imprint in my soul, enough to hold me back
But you forget to place a filter when the sky turns black.

HngTree2

Broken Communication

I see you there, so close
But so impossible to reach
Through my HD screen
Impossible to feel your touch
And I’m dying a little inside
But I must keep this silent
For the sake of your happiness
Your happiness is my happiness.

I hear your voice through the phone
Imagining how much you’ve grown
It’s been so many days so far apart
And this has broken a piece of my heart
Every once a while I lose it
And I feel like ending my pain
Cause without you there’s no living
You were the reason I was created.

I wonder how much it’ll take
Before you forget me?
Before you forget who I am
Before I become useless
To all your needs, and your life
Before you come to realize
That in the distance you’ve learned
Not to need my presence anymore.

I try so hard, to reach you
I try so hard, to fix this up
But I let them stripped me off
Of the chances there were.
I apologize for my insufficient attempts
I apologize for being on the losing side
I apologize for no matter what I try
You’re never gonna here be by my side.

Little by little, I’m dying inside
And when the day comes
That you decide to walk away
That’ll be for me the end
So before that day comes
I just want for you to know
That I love you and always will
With all heart, my brain, my soul, and bones.

This is dedicated to some people I know. It’s self explanatory.

The Pattern

Come love me
Don’t ignore me
I need much more
Than anyone could
Come suffocate me
I can’t stand you.

Love me, love me
Hear me, hear me
I hurt and I scream
And I love and I hate
And I fuck things up
But if you come closer
Maybe, just maybe
No, just forget about it
This is fucked up!
Just go away!
Why are you leaving?
Fucking betrayer!

I’ll come to love you
I’m here to help you
Take care of you
But come one listen
Why are you ignoring?
Go fuck yourself!

My heart is broken
My heart loves you
I could never harm you
I wish that I could
Don’t ever mind that
I was just kidding
Why are you laughing?
You think I’m a joke?

Go fuck yourself!
Everyone’s the same
Always pretending
I’m here still waiting
For someone to love me
For someone to let me in
Don’t dare to touch me
You’re so disgusting!!!

This is the pattern
It’s not my fault
I didn’t built it
Don’t dare to break it
And say what it’s wrong
This is my comfort
This is my shelter
This is my world, my own!

amandawhite
This is a picture I did a few years ago inspired on a character for a novel I’m writing.
Her name is Amanda White.
In the novel she’s a singer-song writer and this is one of her songs.

Broken Engine

He said his machine needed an engine
He said he was the wheel and the fuel
But then he became the fire that burned
He ended engulfing the whole thing down.

And this night feels the coldest
The coldest that has been for awhile
And you think you were the coolest
In that year your trend was the style.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

He convinced me of the items he had in-stored
I felt like a little girl on Christmas’ day
But then some of the lovely gifts he had given me
Turned to mean toy soldiers oppressing the dolls.

And this season feels the hottest
The hottest that has been in years
And you think you are even hotter
Still to this day you won’t shed a tear.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

I’m not one of those objects
That you can buy, sell or exchange
I’m not one of those things
That you can custom-make or repair
The wheel in your head unscrewed
When your dream of machinery went astray
I’m not the engine that you told me I was
I’m just the button that you press and press and press until you break it.

All of this time…
You were the gasoline
Pouring out from your mouth
And for a while…
And you were the fire
Blazing out from your body…
And when you imploded
You blamed me for it.

But your hands, as warm
As they might have been
They tear my skin off
Faster than they could get me out of these clothes.

And your kisses, as sweet
As they might have tasted
They were so violent
That they were imprinted like bruises on my heart.

Broken People in a Broken World

And all this time I thought I was alone in here
And all this time I thought I was the only one feeling like this
And all this time I thought that my words were weird
And all this time I thought I was insane for thinking about death.

I was never liked
Or I was liked too much
A kiss from you is all dreamt of
And not the things a child shouldn’t witness.

And all this time I hid inside my own, without ever telling
And all this time I did drugs, cut myself and swallowed the pills with whisky
And all this time I felt too ugly, too stupid, too weak, too lost within
And all this time the world made me believe that I was wrong for feeling like this.

I was never loved
Or maybe I was loved too much
To hold me strong is all I wanted
And not for your fists to make my face bleed.

We are all broken people
Living in a broken world
Let the love you wish to experience heal you
Let the love you deserve, be one with your soul.

For Every Snake

You used to love me when I was beautifully powdered
You used to love me when I was so blind and bowing
You used to love me when I would follow you to the end
You used to love me when I would sweetened up the sour
You used to love me when my words were one of love
You used to love me when you have me stranded, had me stuck
You used to love me when you held my heart against the wall
You used to love me when I used to crawl, used to fall
You used to love me when my poems where of “good read”
When I used to praise you and all of your “good” deeds
You used to love me when my path would glow out the light
But you never told anyone you were against it with all your might
You used to love me when I would still fuck you in bed all night, so sweet
So I guess that all of your lovers, they do it better or have bigger dicks
You used to love me when I bite my tongues with all your abusing
Now you hate me cause you try to use me but it’s not working
You used to love me when I was you slave day and night
You used to love me when I used to forgive you for every time
You used to love me but now you love being treated like a bitch
You don’t have to love me, it’s just the way you wanted things to be
And no, I don’t trust in any females, even when I could be convinced that I do
Every one of them could be a backstabber, waiting for the time to be just like you
You used to love me but that’s how love works
One day it lifts you up to heaven and the other is throws you to the dirt
I used to love you but now I want you gone, dead
For all the love I once gave you is the one that now I do regret.