Posts Tagged ‘disappointment’

It’s sad that no one can relate to what I’m saying/feeling.

All of Them

She likes what she likes
And what she likes is what she likes
And you, you’re not even dust.

She likes what she likes
And she’s insufferable
And you’re just a pawn.

She cares but she doesn’t care for real
She thinks she’s a god, she’s a queen
She thinks you’re just a poster wall
To call when she has no one to talk to.

She is who she is
And who you are won’t make a difference
And you, you’re insignificant.

She is who she is
And she’s her own person
Except when she falls in love with the impossible.

She cares but she doesn’t care for real
She’s so high above you, so centered
She thinks you’re a beggar, a loser
Only to be reached when she needs someone.

She loves her lovers as she loves her lovers
But her lovers doesn’t love her
But for her that’s okay
She loves her lovers as she loves her lovers
But the one who truly loves her
She doesn’t need that, she doesn’t care.

Another sunset
Lost in the wind
Lost in time… again
Oh, silence…
Friend of mine
Times that are good
Horrible times
Ever going
Marinated in tears
Another assortment
Reality shocks
Tendered and broken
Hailing for love
Everything fails
Singular failing
Another collectiveness
Mourning the heart
Ending the gap.


Amanda White


“What a beautiful voice she has”
“Sing for me for a while” he says
Convincing her to open up
Only to steal a piece of her soul.

She’s a town girl trying her luck
He’s a city boy raised in the block
Her naïvetés shines conspicuous
As his reputation precedes him.

Ignorance is bliss
But to each its own
Fools always rush in
Where angels fear the tread.

Sic Semper Migrant
Thus always to Tyrants.

“What a unique talent she has
Maybe we can make something of it
We’re in need of new virgins
To keep on feeding this eager city.”

She’s a young girl trying her luck
He’s a sly boy raised in the block
Her nescience glows apparent
It is his chance to take advantage.

Sealed with a kiss
Reason is overthrown
Fascination dashing
Where precious illusions lie dead.

Sic Semper Migrant
Thus always to Tyrants.

She doesn’t know what she’s doing
She plunges her body and soul onto the chasm
With the risk of hitting the pavement
But all of it is worth the trouble, if it’s for love.

Sic Semper Migrant
Thus always to Tyrants.

I haven’t written anything about myself in months. I feel it’s time that I do, so… This is where I left off…

Prison Ward

So I decided to pull the trigger after all
Since I was being cornered against the wall
All the people that were there was no more
Again, it was me against the whole damn world.

Everywhere I turned it was a locked door
And when I asked for help they asked back “what for?”
So the molten lava inside my chest started to boil
And the knives in my back started eating up whole.

I’ve built a prison for my thoughts
‘Cause everyone is either tired or bored of them
And though I’m not as good to speak things as I was
It feels weird to bury them after watching them burn.

So after I went out of the place I was supposed to feel safe
I was back to “I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done” bullshit
That’s another scar on my heart that from now on I’ll wear
This one goes to the hidden chest inside my chest that I’ll keep, I swear.

I always hold onto the wound, or so you will say
You better start thinking of running away like you tried that day
Once more, I helped myself, when no one was there for me
On my black list, I scratched your name, ‘cause you no longer exist.

I’ve built a prison for my feelings
‘Cause everyone is either offended by or unaware of them
And though I’m not as good to speak things as I was then
It feels weird to bite my tongue as I witness my insides turn.

I’m my own prison ward
And you’re not welcome here
You can talk with the representative
But never again to the real living being.

The prisoner inside myself
Will never forget what you’ve done
I hope you’re happy with it has happened
A doppelgänger is wearing my skin and living in our home.

(Written on July 15, 2016)

And so it came like a ray of light straight from the skies
And so it likes you like nobody else and you ask yourself why
And so you open up cause you seem to like what it offers
Why does everything end up like this, and one again suffers?

And so this might be it, this might be the chance to get lucky
And so you give all that you have to give, and it seems alright
And so the stars are brighter than usual, cause you feel ecstatic
But then things turn around, day turn to night, shutting off the lights.

And so the pieces, they’re being put together, one by one
Cause now you smile like you haven’t done in so many years
And so you begin to realize that this might that someone
Until that something starts to break apart and bring up tears.

What is wrong with me, that everyone in this life seems to leave?
Is it something I’ve said? Is it something I did? Why does this always happen?
And so I stare at the sky, and ask in a prayer, as I struggle to believe
Am I just a waste of time? Why won’t anyone care? Why can’t I be happy?

Cause you don’t need the forecast of a foretaste
When all that you want’s the real deal that comes together
And you don’t want to think about what you’ve wasted
Waiting for someone, waiting for something forever.

This is a representation of humanity for me.

Always Something

There’s always something messing things up when everything is going perfectly
Oh, yeah, there’s always something forcing me to level my defense up and begin shooting randomly
So, now, push me to the corner and you’re gonna have it
I don’t need any words to describe the things I speak
I’m the rusty knife slitting your wrists when life doesn’t work
I’m the bottle of pills in front of your face, mocking you, pressuring you to open up and swallow
I’m the belt in your pants whispering you to tight it around your neck and hang awhile
I’m the voice in your head convincing you to look for the shotgun in the closet to shoot your head.

I’m the lies everyone’s told you
I’m the harsh truth you can’t stand
I’m the one who abused you
The one who took everything away from you
I’m the ghost inside of your mind
Who’s been haunting you for all of these nights
I’m the desperation that won’t ever let you be
I’m the paranoid schizophrenia that you will never be free from.

I’m the God you hate cause he has abandoned you
I’m the devil that you fear when you believe in your invisible god
I’m the hell that the books talk about
I’m the obsession for death when life doesn’t make any sense
I’m the one who spits at your face when you’re already being humiliated
Yeah I’m the one who use your feelings to get the best of you and the best of them.

I’m the one yelling at you
Come drink some alcohol, come drink some more and then go for a drive
I’m the one who laughs at your dead relatives
I’m the one who celebrate the demise of countless in the acts of terrorism
I’m the one who burn people and shoot them down for their race and language distinction
I’m the one calling you fat, calling you a whore, ugly and stupid
I’m the one bullying you down until you give up and give in.

I’m the one you hate the most
I’m the one who sin against the Holy Ghost
I’m the one who makes you doubt about your beliefs and much more
I’m the one who will devour your life and enjoy all of its violence and gore.

I dedicate this poem to the new people wanting to “meet/know” me… People come and go, that’s how it has always been with me…

Why Would You?
I cannot relate to you
I cannot relate with how shallow you are
I just can’t believe
And I won’t internalize all of these hollow aspects of life.
You think I’m fun and that I’m funny
But more than that I think I’m full of tragedies
No, I won’t be as dramatic this time around
I’m just here waiting for another dead body to be found.
Repetition is all I have to offer to you
The same pain, the same hurt, the same torment
Oh, yes, I will greet you with the widest of smiles
But wait a few minutes you’ll really see me on the inside.
I will find a way to distract myself from the patterns
Yeah, I will find a way for me to love you honestly
But if you keep digging for gold inside these meaty walls of perdition
You will only find the corpses of the ones who came here before you.
Why would you want to be my friend?
Why would I want to offer you my friendship?
I have nothing against trying and attempting
But you know at the end of the day this is only a major failing.

Wrote this while having writer’s block one day…

(Written On: March 28, 2013)
Just Like a Tree

I find myself voiceless
With nothing to say
But what you’ve heard already
What to do when you’ve done it all?
Said it all, a million times before?
And still feels like you can’t let go
Of the tiny pieces left stuck in your soul?
Lost in the place I once called my home.

You begin to carve your own grave
Cause there’s nothing left but this “nothingness”
A battered box left inside of my head
I don’t wanna used up what has already expired.

Everything is agonizing
This tedious empty feeling
Another stupid contradiction
From the guy who hates himself
But it’s too proud to be told so
Am I looking for attention again?
It’s not the thing I wanted
How did I get lost within these needs?

A blank paper on the white wall
I need to say something new
Write something new
Cause this past is getting boring
And all the tears have dried up
And the people who once cared
A long time ago stopped caring
Another lost cause of obsession
Of someone longing to be noticed.

My prime time is over
We all need a new superstar
Someone who cries a little bit louder
Someone far more cool and hot
30 fucking years down the toilet
With the same old, same old, same old
Must move on as if this was a fucking movie
Roll down the credits
All the actors have gone home.

Different perceptions for different events
Or is this fucking world too blind to be able to distinct from them?
You want everything so easily explained
Don’t tell me you don’t have the time to read between the lines and solve the riddles tangled in
Don’t you understand that everything is a goddamn complication…
…That began the day that someone decided to screw things up… in me?
Now left with what shouldn’t be in first place
It grows old and grey but it expands within itself…
And just like a tree it attaches its roots deep into the ground, into its core; my heart, my soul, my head.