Posts Tagged ‘down’

Dragging You Down

I’ve made my life a repetition
I’m going on in circles
Pain piercing through my skull
This hatred has gone dull
Keeping it like a ball
To bounce back at you
I’m so bored with the never ending
I’m so bored with all the promises
You dislike me
You’re fucking disgusting to me
And we go on and on and on
And it stopped being fun
A long time ago.

I’ve made my life a living hell
And I still cannot tell
What’s best for me
To kick you out of my life
Or to try to keep myself on the outside
I try once more and once more
And I feel like I’ve being mocked
Once more like before
Your indifference says so much
And sometimes I don’t care if you’re sick
Cause when I’m sick
You give me another reason
To hate all of this.

You’ve become a monotonous
Despise inside of my heart
Reject me, reject me
Give a chance to reject you
Lose for once
Make me make you lose
Instead of just being my desire
To see you where I am standing
Lose more, lose greater
Feel like how’s to be a loser
I’m sick of watching you win
So sick of watching you win
You never learn,
You haven’t had that kind of suffering.

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Break it Down

I’m trying to find in the faces of people
The righteousness that I cannot find in the reflection of my own
I’m trying to find the love inside people
All these things I think I’ve never had, or never had enough of.

But this shell of an image gets in way
And I want to break it down
Break it down and get through
Break it down, so you’ll understand
Break it down, just like my soul
Break it down, so then you’ll see.

I’m trying to find in the heart of people
The strength that I don’t have to maintain my convictions and faith
I’m trying to find self-worth inside people
Some kind of approval, acceptance, cause at times I loathe myself.

But this shell of an image gets in way
And I want to break it down
Break it down and get through
Break it down, so you’ll understand
Break it down, just like my soul
Break it down, so then you’ll see.

Please help me
Just help me
But not in the way you think you need to
Help me help you
So we can help ourselves again
Cause we’re so far away
And I need a hand to hold on to.

Deep Down in the Muscle

And then I was told to let it go
Oh, how I heard so many words
“Instead of talking about it, just do it now”
Is like you’ve forgotten how much it hurt.

You’re inside your own bubble
And you won’t let me reach
Don’t try to reach, you won’t
Here, you have, all that you need!

Let me talk about it
As many times as I want
Not everyone heals
As fast as you obviously do.

You deny your own pain
By saying you overcame it
There’s nothing wrong with mourning
Nothing good comes out of denial!

What made me think of this?
The fact that I had to bottle it up
Let’s speak about this, let’s speak of it
Cause it’s been killing me
And it won’t ever let me free.

Deep down in the muscle
Just where all these secrets lie
I want to bleed it open
So maybe you’ll understand all I hide.

World Burning Down
 
Life is such a goddamn drama
Where the fuck is God to help us out?
And me, you know, I am a truly believer
But for your own sake please answer.
 
I cannot save the world like you can
I cannot heal the world like you can
I cannot help the world like you can
So all I’m asking here is that you already do.
 
And me, you know, full of anger
Full of pain, full of past regrets
Full of desperation but full of faith
Yes, God, you know me, I’m a true believer.
 
I cannot follow through if you don’t guide me
I cannot speak the truth if you don’t teach me
I cannot love this world if you don’t love me
So all I’m asking is to give all these things, please.
 
I’m so tired of watching disappointed people
Looking for a way out and begging you to give them a sign
Aren’t they important to you too?
Don’t you see they’re about to quit you and never believe again?
 
So excuse my anger and excuse my disrespect
And excuse my cursing and excuse my discussion
But if there are no answers don’t make us question
If there’s no truth don’t tell us to believe in it….
 
This I wrote today using an app on my phone, since my PC is broken. I hate typing on a phone. It feels unnatural. I don’t know if I’ve used this title before for another poem. Can’t remember all 2000+ titles. Thanks for the support. Enjoy!
 
The Impending End
 
The seconds to spare were wasted away by the anguish
All that you kept safe close to your heart will soon perish
All of the memories trapped inside the pictures becomes tainted
And the ones inside your mind they turn into heavy burdens.
 
So you have to wash away the sum of what you tattooed in the muscles of your heart
And throw away everything that you locked inside the box of your soul
Each big and tiny detail of what you wanted to treasure forever
Are the ones you have to get rid off
For they no longer affix to your happiness, but to your grief.
 
Time will heal all wounds, but it will take time
And though it might sound redundant, is one of the most brutal of the honest of truths
So all of your choices at hand are either to strangle your hopelessness by drowning your despondency or drinking through it
You’re scraps of what you used to be once
One day is like a thousand glasses shattering, collapsing at you with sharped edges
It cuts through your skin, through your self-esteem, through your health
You’re trying to kill what it’s killing you but it’s murdering rate surpasses yours.
 
So then you try to erase yourself faster than this slowing pace
And you take a dozen pills down with a dozen drinks
Expecting it will have any effect
Hoping it will ease the pain somehow
But all you’re left with is a huge heartache and drunk-fool tears
That later turns into a headache and a heavy nonsensical fear
Just to latch yourself even deeper inside the walls of your shell
And you run with scissors, praying to slip and tumble
Playing fire with dynamites and pulling pins out of grenades
Wishing instead you’d play “think fast” with knives with your ex wife.
 
Still all of these morbid reveries won’t ease the burden on your head,
in your heart, on your shoulders and back
And yet under all of this rocky debris of unlikelihood, there’s a faint glimpse of hope
That things miraculously will get better, and that someday, somehow she’ll be back.
 
Days go in and by
You realize it’s the end of it all
Nothing more to do about it
But to call it quits and fasten your frail body, be ready for the evident fall
Come crashing face down
Nothing but weeping and pouring your tears out
There’s nothing funny about grieving
Nothing to laugh about someone’s suffering
Everybody hurts somehow, in some ways, one day or the next
All we need is time, and space but above it all, what we need most, is love and support.
 
Another oldie… OMG, Ten years exactly…
(Written on: June 3, 2003)
 
Tasteless
 
Play it forward,
Play it backwards,
Rewind, rewind
I don’t need words
To say how exactly
I feel inside.
 
I’m a kid with no life on its own
I’m a kid with no life and no fun.
 
I’m old and tired
But still have so much to vent
At you, at me
Shut up and try to belong…
 
Tell me secrets
Tell me lots
I’ll keep them
Have them locked
You don’t have
To tell me you
Don’t give a fuck.
 
I’m a loser with no love for himself
I’m a loser with no love and no sense.
 
I’m old and tired
But still have so much to vent
At you, at me
Shut up and try to belong…
 
I don’t need words to tell you exactly how I feel
Can’t you see it yourself? I feel like shit.