Posts Tagged ‘family’

That Muscle Called the Heart

So the ghost of the face of you stood frozen in my screen
It’s the most beautiful and heart-breaking thing I’ve ever seen
My fingertips try to feel your life, but they can never reach
I imagine where you are, maybe out there in the mall or enjoying the sun in the beach.

This road here is leading nowhere, I’m stuck in the same place
When I first came I promised my love I’d overcome all this pain
Now I feel like I’m at the end of my rope, the end of this race
And I never amounted to anything, and I have nobody else to blame.

So when will, if ever, this show finally close its curtains?
I’ve exposed my life to the point that everyone knows a piece of me
Don’t you know I want to run and be like it was in the beginning?
With the innocence, and a smile and the hope that everything will fix itself.

So the ghost of the face of you stood frozen in my screen
Reminding everything I’ve lost, and how lost I have been
My fingertips try to feel your life, but they can never reach
I wish I could be for you a good example, but the distance won’t allow me to teach.

You’ll only know what they’ve told you about me
The only person that you’ll have missing in your life
Oh, my children, you don’t know much I wish to have you here with me
But instead I have to confront this endless loop of strife.

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Everything Has Gone Back to Normal

Everything has gone back to normal
And my blood it bleeds red
And how it aches
How it hurts.

Everything has gone back to normal
And my calls are not responded
All in a busy tone
All in a busy tone.

Everything has gone back to normal
And this silence is by my side
Greeting me with open arms
Greeting me again.

Everything has gone back to normal
And I feel like my usual self
So useless, so useless
Yeah…

The white empty space
A wide empty space
Nowhere to escape
I have awoken.

Everything has gone back to normal
The momentary happiness has passed away
Passed away
Passed away.

Everything has gone back to normal
Daydreaming seems so bliss
Like a bad joke
I don’t want to.

The wide empty space
Here in my chest
Here in my head
I was never completed.

Everything…
Has gone back…
To normal…
Sigh… The End…?

Under the Rain of my Eyes

All the time in the world is not enough
I’m always gonna love you
I’m always gonna miss you
I’m always gonna need you.

From the perspective of someone else

Bodhi – Seoul (Erudire)

This one goes to my father
To my mother
To my God
And all the intentions they had for me.

Implant fictional memories of things I never lived
In this imminent break up, make me choose a side
Such a diabolical plan to take a child to manipulate
Push that love for a cornerstone deep in my insides.

I’ve found my shattered self
In a higher realm
Inside my own
Right where you left my dead pride and soul.

Move me with your strings, like the puppet you think I am
I’ll be bowing my head, waving my hands up, side to side
Dictate all the prayers, and the rules I’m set to understand
Push self-love in a small bottle that I must drink until I die.

This circus that you made of my youth
You made a pact for the cult that was set to sting
To praise a God that never gave a fuck
But now I’ve found a way to be again enlightened, liberated.

Facsimile Amalgamation

Obsessively in love with you
‘Cause you’re a part of me
The only part I love
The only part that’s missing
And there you are alive
Looking for a way to get back to me
Crying, cause you’re lost
And you wish for me to get you.

This poison inserted in me
By the snake and his minions
Is keeping me hindered
Held in chains and frustrated
But here at the distance
I can hear your voice cry
I can hear you weeping
Begging for me to come and rescue you.

Obsessively in love with you
‘Cause you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
Definitely the kindest
And there you are alive
Looking for a way to connect with me
Be a part of me again
To be whole and completely happy.

These walls put up for me
By the devil and all his slaves
Are impeding my aid
From your pain and your needs
But here close to me
I can hear you voice cry
Deep within my heart
I can hear your heart pounding and loving.

Nothing that I say
Can save you from this suffering
It will never be okay
For you to still be hurting
And it kills me like nothing else
Not being able to help you
Wish I could do undo this curse
And be right there with you too.

This is dedicated to my children and the hurt I feel of knowing they’re so far away.

Justifiable Rage

I need this to hurt me
Cause I need to show you
How much it hurts
To see you hurting as well
The impotence
This fucking incapability.

If I don’t dig out all this shit that’s in my heart
This shit is gonna drag me even further down
Well, fuck all this distance keeping us apart
To these chains of restriction I’ll never be bound.

I need this to hurt me
Cause I can feel the pain
How much it destroys me
How much it destroys you as well
The unknowing
The ever fucking wondering.

You don’t know how angry, how sad
This makes me
You don’t know the frustration
All the things I wish I could say
I could do
To save you
Come here!
Come here!
Fuck the laws that keep us apart
I hate them!
I love you!
With my denying breath
I’ll always scream
You’re the light that keeps me alive!

Even though I’m trapped in this cage
I won’t give up as long as you love me
All this concern, this justifiable rage
Is fueled by the fact that you need me.

Dementia

Posted: December 14, 2015 in Loss Poetry, Painful Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , ,

This is dedicated to my great aunt. May God have you in his glory.

Dementia

I couldn’t understand the way she started to behave
I didn’t know how to react to all of the sudden change
Taking care of the person who I used to be taken cared by
I don’t wanna spend my hours wondering for the day I will have to say “good-bye”.

This conversation is getting nowhere
I keep repeating things she won’t remember
Gone are the memories she used to hold dear
It all ended before it ended on that awful day of September.

I wasn’t prepared for the situations coming my way
Nobody ever taught me how hard this was going to be
I need the advice that I need you to tell me in your disorientation
Cruel harsh reality must be the best leading way conducting to an ongoing education.

How many people did you help?
How many people are here sitting by you now?
Life passed revenge on the one who put you here
You kept asking for the names of the people that were nowhere to be found.

I was too young to understand then
Full of anger, full of disappointment
And you broke me to the point I started crying
Oh how I miss you… how you truly changed me… there’s no denying.