Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

This is from the point of view of this character.

Visceral Conflict (by: Alexander Silver)

Your mystery has cost me misery, my own self-esteem
All of the secrets I thought we were truly ready to share
I confess this is the loneliest and most hurt I’ve ever been
And if you had a sense of empathy I would expect you to care.

Turn around and walk away, so you won’t be seen in this place
Spread your wings only when the wind blows in your way
But keep your eyes down, to avoid suspicion and save face
Now that you’ve betrayed me, (you’ve) left me with nothing else to say.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
No, not after fear turned your begs into constant insistence.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

This social experiment of yours has cost me too much
If you weren’t ready, you shouldn’t have opened the door
One simply does not flee, neglecting delicate affairs as such
And if you truly cared, you would’ve not run me to the floor.

Go inside and turn the bolts, so you won’t be seen out here (with me)
Spread your arms only when a wave of convenient support blows you way
But keep your head down, to portray guilt, even if it’s out of fear
You can keep pretending, for the benefit of all of things that come into play.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
‘Cause after they confronted you, you walked into their acceptance.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

I’m right confined in who I am, in what I want
Don’t play mind games, only ‘cause you’re feeling curious
All ever wanted was to help you out, give you a hand
‘Cause I know how difficult it is at times and it makes me furious
That ‘til this day there are those who still hide behind their curtain
In self-disgust of who they are, and what they could become
But I’m not one to push off and on if the other person isn’t certain
And if they ever need support, I’ll be here for all the things to come.

‘Cause it’s such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

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Ephemeral Infatuation

There’s something about you
Something truly addictive
And I’m just another junkie
Looking for a fucking hit.

Let’s fuck up this already shitty life
With all of your disgrace
And all of my mistakes
‘Cause nothing matters when we’re young
There are no consequences
To the bend of our moral compasses.

There’s something about you
That I wish to have in me
I wish to put in you
Angst is a supermassive black hole.

Let’s crash course against the wall
Leap off this cliff
And float till we disappear
‘Cause nothing matters when we’re young
There are no penalties
For we send it all to fucking hell.

‘Cause the present looks like a puddle of colors
We cannot make anything concrete out of it
And in our lack of esteem and raging hormones
We want to feel something, even if that something hurts deeply.

We’ll have the rest of our lives to regret this
We’ll ignore ever knowing one another in the future
Once we’re old and grey we’ll pretend have lived a perfect life
With the perfect choices that led us to where we will be.

Undeniably Undependable

A stingy sensation on the pit of my stomach
Laying there are broken dreams and dead butterflies
When an intention breaks into such a remark
You become the judging eye of who truths and who lies.

Lifted up from the remains of what was once alive
Walked away from the traces of what was once conceived
If I knew that you would’ve taken me for such a ride
I never would’ve stepped foot on that shelter where you lived.

Hard to envision anything any other way
When your wine is strong, with a bitter sense of convolution
Any lap dog would find it easy, to go stray
If they knew the true intentions of your so called revolution.

A peculiar sensation in the back of my mind
Sitting here with such familiar features of things I doubt
What could develop here, what could be left behind
Whatever trail I follow that will for sure become my route.

Leaped from under the fire and all of the debris
I crawled away from the crumbled pieces of my palace
If I knew that past beyond “forever” you would flee
I never would’ve exchanged my heart for this lack of solace.

Hard to position you in any other place
When your rope seems strong, but breaks from its fine line
Any beggar would want to witness your grace
If in their very naivety they didn’t conceive that you are lying.

Walking straight, with my breast held high up
If you need to say something here, you might as well cough it up
‘Cause once I take flight, I won’t be looking back for signs of life
‘Cause I’ve witnessed all you have to offer and it’s all in bitter strife.

You’re undeniably undependable
A plugged-in toaster unexpectedly thrown at my water filled tub
My dignity is certainly not negotiable
And the blood stain you’ve left in my heart is one you cannot scrub.

Amaurotic

This world crumbles
Crumbles down at your feet
Have you ever known?
Ever known of defeat?

The disarrayed poetry
That makes you feel high
That makes you feel complete
It’s nothing but a discarded array
Of supplanted supplemented supplies
Of apparent cosmic prophecy,
An exponential perfidious of
An illusionary romantic morale.

You’re emotionally amaurotic
Stoic to the fact that not always
You’re gonna hurt
This partial loss of your sight
Becomes part of who you are
Of how you feel inside.

This world crumbles
Crumbles in front of you
Have you ever known?
If any of this is true?

The intrinsic intention
Turns the right into obsolete
The distinctive effort to inert
It’s nothing but disjointed display
Of insufficient, insufferable insertion
Of palpable parables paraphrases
That deviates the real objective;
Forcing you into being subjective.

You’re emotionally amaurotic
Stoic to the fact that not always
You’re gonna hurt
This partial loss of your sight
Becomes part of who you are
Of how you feel inside.

Gamble the one thing you have for real
And you’ll lose at the end of this deal
Cause blinders seem to hog onto your eyes
You can’t tell what’s true from a lie.

Undetermined Reassessment

Undo what you’ve done
If that’s even possible
Wherever your roam
You do the unimaginable
I expect you to go up
And you dash way down
I expect you to erupt
But all you’ve done is blown.

In the middle of this island
With nowhere to go
Stranded here, you and I
With only each other.

Unsay what you’ve said
If that’s even feasible
Whenever you jeer
It seems so damn terrible
I expect you to improve
And you do the opposite
I expect you to move
But here you still abide.

In the middle of this island
With nowhere to go
Stranded here, you and I
With only one another.

It was only a matter of time
Until we got on each other’s nerves
We held as we could inside
All that the eye beholds and observes.

You and I, judging each other
Under our undetermined reassessment
You and I were
Like hugs to a brother
Like kisses to a lover
Like babies to a mother
Eye to eye, unlike another
Synonymous to similitude
Joined in by solitude
Until our strings began to unravel
And in our space we felt smothered
Deliberated in our divulgence
We served to the worse of our nature
And the friendship we’ve had nurtured
Began falling down into the abyss
With all the unnamed things that ran amiss.

A Broken Man’s Show

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing
And I don’t know how to deal with all of this
That comes to me like a meteor shower
That comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

To pretend to keep some privacy
To try to be the best I can be
But I always come short
And it’s so humiliating
As I drown in my sense of failure
Attacked by my low self-esteem
To be bitten by the snake of arrogance
And deny myself of my own fault
Should I open the door?
Should I leave it like that?
This room is getting filled
And there’s no air outside.

A sick world that’s trying to cure me
Trying to numb my human reactions
Trying to fill up their emptiness focusing on mine
A sea of so called therapists
A sea of so called friends
But in this darkness
I see no arm reaching for me.

I’m done complaining
Done looking for help
How can I fix myself this time?
Walk away from this hell?
To watch out for every action that I make
Make sure it doesn’t hurt the loved ones
Doesn’t hurt their fragile pride
But what about me?
They only stare to see past beyond
But never to see what’s inside.

Oh this might be an error
Oh this might be a lie
But you see, in my perception
It’s blurry in my eyes
As warped as I’ve made it
As defensive as it can be
To create consciousness for a few seconds
For a few seconds to make some understand
But like the wind that blows the dust in circles
We’ll be soon back again to where we stand.

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing…

It comes to me like a meteor shower
It comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

Should I open the door?
(Maybe the exit lies beyond it)
Should I leave it like that?
(What about the unknown dangers?)
This room is getting filled
(And I’m asphyxiating)
And there’s no air outside
(Either way I’ll die).

Undefined Infinitely

Stuck in time and space
In this vast nothingness
Floating infinitely
Towards the endless gap
Nothing but a black veil
Around and beyond
No day or night
No stars, no sun.