Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

I don’t know what the future holds but one thing is for sure I’ll keep on writing. This one is from Amanda White

Archipelago

Category and distance
Those are the rules of being polite
I’ve never met anybody
Quite as honest, as harsh as you.

You shine like a star
You are burning
You’re hot like lava
And I’m melting.

This is building a bridge
To places I’ve never wanted to go in me
I know we wanted to turn our islands
Into a sweet paradise, into a big archipelago.

But you’re ticking on like a time bomb
And I’m the putting up the hours
There’s no switch to turn the senses off
So the sweet is turning sour.

Residues of an apparent lifetime
Like ghosts of an abandoned habitat
We could’ve been so kind
But instead we only brought the bad.

You shined like a star
You were burning
You were hot like lava
Until you melted in.

And the house we were edifying
Didn’t have a strong foundation to withstand it
And now it’s time to close down that door
And in all sadness, leave you right behind it.

Cause you came like a match reaching me
And I’m a jasmine scented fuel tank
And with your fire, I burned and burned good
So now I cannot allow myself to keep on corroding.

So it’s time for our souls to take sail
As our hearts, hopes and dreams to sink
I’m now deciding for our winnings and fails
And you can think whatever you wish to think

But its time…
It’s time to be formal
It’s time to be strangers
Back to gaps and silence bits
Back to feeling somehow unfit.

Time will help me forget about all the wounds
Time will help me forget all about you
Time will only tell if we will remain friends
Or if inside my pain I’ll whisper “screw you.”

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The Voice of the Devil

Grab on this corpse
And put it back in
Oh, how much have I long
For the day I welcome the misery
Back into my arms
Back into my soul
No, I will not understand
Yes, I will be cold
Push aside in despite
Of all the good I’ve done
Oh what a passage of rite
So callous to the bone
Chew it and spit it out
The taste have grown stale
As I scream and I shout
And watch this ship go to sail.

This storm, oh holy diabolical confusion
The intrusion of the so called friends
For now you’ll enjoy the division
But all your angels will soon become fiends
Every mistake back at you
I will be happy when the death touches
The one thing leading you through
I wanna see it lie in the dirt with the roaches.

Oh, happiness
Am I the only one grieving?
Seem like you’re smiling
Is it so fruitful what you’re conceiving?
This knife on my back
I will one day take it out
And I will draw a track
To disfigure your surmount.

You all come in packages
I was thrown down here
And all the dark influences
Will strike as your biggest fear
Come on, the one you will hate
Come on, the one that will not tolerate
Self-destruction with you tied to me
Cause if I go down, you’ll go down with me.

New Amanda White poem.

MMM

Brand new
He promised me I’d be brand new
But how can I be
When since I can remember
They kept unwrapping me
Out for dessert
At lunch, and at dinner
And sometimes at breakfast
While everyone’s still asleep.

Here at the magical center
Where all of my flaws can be eradicated
Let me be hospitalized for awhile
Maybe then the Mister Master Medic
Can heal me from all of my bad feelings
Get rid of all the pain under my skin
And all the way around and inside
Just right where they injected all the bad seeds into my mind.

Used to
I’m so used to all you people looking at
As if it was my fault
Well, then, I can take it
I can take all of the stares
And the whispers
And all the rumors across
Here in my head, my heart
My soul and in my own house.

Here at the magical center
Where all of my bad self can be baptized
Let me go underwater for awhile
Maybe then the Mister Master Medic
Can heal me from all of my night terrors
Get rid of all the ache under my bones
And all the way around and inside
Just right where they injected all the bad seeds into my mind.

One day from a velvet girl
I’ll become a red head woman
One day this strawberry child
Will become ripe on her own merits.

Does it taste different, just a bit stale after a while?
Does the savor changes after being “sampled” for so long?
Oh, lover, how I wish I was in a brand new packaging?
Become the brand with a flavor that you’d enjoy the most.

Another poem/song by Ryan Lyandree. This could be considered the prequel, or sequel to “The Resolution

The Invisible

Hey! Hello!
I hope you’re up there
I’m here wandering
I’m here lost again.

Without a map to guide me
And the stars have gone berserk
Where’s north? Where’s forward?
I’m going in circles once again.

Hey! Hello!
Are you really listening?
This one way conversation
Only with myself.

Without a compass to direct me
All the stars have gone berserk
Where’s north? Where’s forward?
I’m going in circles once again.

Hey! Hello!
Am I alone in here?
Talking to the invisible
Hoping it’ll come to my aid.

(Maybe it has been waiting for me…)
(Maybe this was the reason all along…)

Maybe if I take the step
Maybe if I take the leap…

Could it be…
That the Invisible can help me out?
To find myself
In its arms and in its grace?

Could it be…
That the Invisible is willing to aid me?
Embrace me at last
In its heart and in its place?

Maybe if I take the step
Maybe if I take the leap…

Take my hand
And lead me there
My old friend
My light, my counselor.

Unbeknown to me
The Invisible, always, awaiting
Through all of this time
For me to call upon.

The main poem/song of Ryan Lyandree’s new “Album” with the same name

The Resolution

Sleepwalking in this desert
I find myself secretly daydreaming
Soaring through the great lengths in distance, far beyond
From where my eyes can reach to see.

Tumbling again against my tail
I watch my heart silently salivating
Like the crows, circling around my head, waiting for my feet
To give in and face down, there, dead.

This road I’ve taken no longer takes me any further
It has taken me far too long to realize that
This light here doesn’t seem to spark any brighter
I need to find the source and become one with it.

Wandering in this barren place
I find my soul furtively thirsting
Imagining what’s on the other side of this wall I’ve erected
So tall, so long, so thick, impenetrable.

Keeping me away from this deluding society
Safe from any sort of heartache and suffering
And all the consequences of having to hand my pride
In exchange for the self-indulgent corporal integration.

Did I refrain from it just to avoid any kind of correlation?
Did I ever really need to be part of their congregation?

All I ever wanted was to find my center, to find my peace
Not to dwell right there frozen, posing like a center piece
So this is my letter of resignation,
This is the letter of cease and desist.

This road I’ve been taking no longer takes me any further
It has taken me far too long to realize that
This light here doesn’t seem to spark any brighter
I need to find the source and become one with it.

These million miles I’ve walked away from home
Running from all of these sins in my life I can’t atone
I’ve been carving these words in my flesh, not to forget
All the blood I’ve given, it’s not enough to pay my debt
I find myself spiritually crippled, so mentally weary
If I take this path now is because find it to be necessary
To embark a new journey and design a new plan
To slay all the demons I’ve made with my own hands.

The road I was taking, no longer takes me any further
It has taken me far too long to realize that
That light there didn’t seem to spark any brighter
I want to find the source and become one with it.

The Logical Sense of the Granted

Fancy finding you in this place
Or any other eloquent word
Found in the dictionary to describe
How to educated we have become.

Give them something easy to swallow
Filled with sugar so the rush will last ever-long
The fruit wasn’t ripe but we accelerated
The process in order to be served on this paper plate.

Lying to our teeth to get a smiling face
It’s hard to be cynical when the numbnuts don’t get it
Give us your words of criticism as “the experts on the topic”
Only the internet has allowed you to fantasize about such things.

“Spectacular!” I must exclaim
Or any other bullshit word
That I can find here to describe
How insignificant it all signifies to me.

I’ll give you something easy to swallow
Filled with sugar, so the rush will last ever-longer
The cake isn’t done yet but you can
Shove your face and savor the ingredients meant for the whole.

Biting off our tongues to get an approving gesture
It’s hard to be cynical when the numbnuts don’t get it
Give us your words of criticism as “the experts on the topic”
Only the internet has allowed you to fantasize about such things.

I’m an arrogant, aren’t I?
‘Cause I’m the one who has the balls to speak these struggles
Such an enormous arrogance
When you wish things weren’t as bad as they’ve become.

Self-sufficient, aren’t you?
‘Cause you’re the one who doesn’t needs anyone else, okay
Such is the price of the vainglorious disclaim
You feel the need to say the things you think that are okay to say.

Covering our mouths to give a sense of inclusion
It’s hard to be cynical when the numbnuts don’t get it
Give us hope of betterment and improvement as you “wish for our best”
No, that cannot be, ‘cause your collective consciousness is dead on its mindset.

It cannot be any other way
Such is the logical sense of the granted…

I haven’t written anything about myself in months. I feel it’s time that I do, so… This is where I left off…

Prison Ward

So I decided to pull the trigger after all
Since I was being cornered against the wall
All the people that were there was no more
Again, it was me against the whole damn world.

Everywhere I turned it was a locked door
And when I asked for help they asked back “what for?”
So the molten lava inside my chest started to boil
And the knives in my back started eating up whole.

I’ve built a prison for my thoughts
‘Cause everyone is either tired or bored of them
And though I’m not as good to speak things as I was
It feels weird to bury them after watching them burn.

So after I went out of the place I was supposed to feel safe
I was back to “I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done” bullshit
That’s another scar on my heart that from now on I’ll wear
This one goes to the hidden chest inside my chest that I’ll keep, I swear.

I always hold onto the wound, or so you will say
You better start thinking of running away like you tried that day
Once more, I helped myself, when no one was there for me
On my black list, I scratched your name, ‘cause you no longer exist.

I’ve built a prison for my feelings
‘Cause everyone is either offended by or unaware of them
And though I’m not as good to speak things as I was then
It feels weird to bite my tongue as I witness my insides turn.

I’m my own prison ward
And you’re not welcome here
You can talk with the representative
But never again to the real living being.

The prisoner inside myself
Will never forget what you’ve done
I hope you’re happy with it has happened
A doppelgänger is wearing my skin and living in our home.