Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

Poem about some mental illness and emotional issues. It started lighter, but as i kept writing on, it became darker.

Infatuation Whore

Take me in
I don’t want
Don’t need
This reality
What you can
What’s out there
At the moment
Is enough now.

Cause beggars cannot be choosers
Throw my self-worth out the window
Put myself on sale
Something that anyone could be interested.

Put me in
Just right next
To where
Something is
Anywhere
Doesn’t matter
Just inside
Is good enough.

Cause hunger cannot be demanding
Being cheap, just like a whore
When you come to break me
Know that I’m already completely broken.

My heart might be hot garbage
But my soul is worth at least a penny
Remember that when you dismantle me
I’m selling my body because I need the money.

Don’t worry
You’re not the first who has ever touched me
In this way
Or any other way.

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A very personal poem


A Voice Starting To Grow a Face

The words from your voice
Became the voice in my mind
And I kept feeding it and feeding it
Until it became the only thing I could hear

You put these monsters on front
I was the one who turned them into demons
You offered me disappointed in myself
I was the one who signed the pact and agreed on it.

Now that you’re gone
I keep having these thoughts as my masters
I feel whatever they want me to feel
And live by their law that I’ll always be worthless.

As I kept fighting your lies
Deep inside I started believing they were true
And now when I look at the mirror
I can only see the rejection, disgust and judgment.

‘Cause as you said; “this world is threatening”
“be careful who you trust in this life”
“they will break your heart and you will be nothing”
“you can only count in yourself and no one else”
I began realizing that this voice is starting to grow a face.

And with your indifference and lack of love
I learned that you were special as you screamed “You are not!”
I’m here to break the pattern, to undo the loop
This hierarchy of madness and violence stops right here.

Torn Feathers

Gone in your puzzled eyes
Your mind steers astray
Just for the lack of touch
Not only on my flesh
But what’s under it
Silence is a brick wall
Keeping you out
Keeping the pain in
Press on the clothe
We built up this gate
Dividing the home
We once called ours.

Do you think we still have a spark of a chance?
A spark of a chance to save it?
Before it’s too late?
Or is it too late already?

Torn feathers
For all the angels we have killed
The sour feelings
That we can’t make sweet again.

Sand is on the slip
Turning the hourglass
Illusion of the illusory
It was never my intention
To hurt you
With the way I’m hurting
To try to squeeze
The last drop of this scarpered love
Is this cup really empty?
Have we really given up?
I need your touch
To feel like you still feel for me.

Do you think we can save it?
Do you think we still have a spark of a chance?
Before it’s all over
Or was it over long ago?

Torn feathers
For all the angels we’ve mistreated
The darkened feelings
That we can’t make into light again.

So is our future now nothing?
Nothing that can be done to fix this?
Are you done?
With this?
With us?
With me?
Are we doomed?
Never to love or forgive one another ever again?

Taste of Opium

Sold my soul to the devil to be able to write down these lines
Talent is not inherited at birth, it’s something given when you sign the dotted line
Wasted my fifteen minutes of fame begging for a whole hour
Now I’m trapped between thoughts of who I was and who I am, it’s so sweet sour.

I have all the words growing inside my head, to send to you
I know that all of this is a damn lie, but by God it looks so much like the truth
The invisible fiery being has been calling in the back of my head
In order to carry on with the pact, I must make sacrifice, turn the living to dead.

The more I see you’re real, the less I believe that you exist
If God is in control of my life, how is it possible that I’ve never seen the exit?…
…Of this never-ending tunnel that leads me nowhere, but the same?
So play chess with the pieces, make a deal, but I was never good at that game.

I’m fighting with things that doesn’t seem to be there, it’s funny
It’s all inside of my mind, I know they can tell me what will be the end of this story
Welcome to the world of the crazies, the insanity seems to be the key
I need to unlock my full potential, so I’ll praise the darkness at the edge of the abyss.

You can give me a weird look, but I will have your full attention
I’ll be writing the words of the ghost that slips from the very next dimension
Even if it’s sounds as absurd, it’s part of the contract, so I have to mention…
…All the strings that the puppeteer who moves this wooden doll holds in suspension.

To do his bid, and have nothing in return, who would want that?
I want it all, I want the love, the lust, the envy, even if that seems pretty bad
For I am a fool, I am a charade, who claims to be what it is, but it’s not
But to be trapped in the figure of speech, when hell feels like ice cold, instead of hot.

If this will lead me to the way out, I will take it, doesn’t matter where it lands
Here have my heart, have my blood, as long as you help me crush them with my hands
Self-arrogant prick, ignorant to what he believes, I’m like the one who fell down
So eat from that apple, have the knowledge of being nude, feed off the ground.

There’s not much to tell, you know that all this is just a fairy tale
Take it as a joke, take it as obscure, they’re just voices that are ready to wail
Take it as true, take it as well, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause all of this is needed for the spell
So back to the topic, back to square one, the vampire marks are starting to swell.

When art meets extreme painful feelings

Erased Completely

Here, here is where you left me
Here, here is where you threw me away
I kept on waiting, even when you said it was over
I kept on waiting, hoping you would change your mind.

But this life is so fucking miserable
And this life is so fucking unfair
I know I hurt you, I know you hurt me
But don’t you ever think that I didn’t care.

Don’t take my feelings for less
Don’t you fucking do this to me!
Don’t take all we lived for nothing
Cause you know damn well that I loved you intensively.

Here, here is where we left off
Here, here is where you cut me off
I kept on waiting, like a canceled TV show, hoping to be renewed
I kept on waiting, like sudden death, ‘cause now I’m mourning.

But this life is such a fucking joke
And this life has put me to the test
I know I hurt you, I know you hurt me
But don’t you ever think that I didn’t try my best.

Don’t take my feelings for less
Don’t you fucking do this to me!
Don’t take all we lived for granted
Cause you know damn well that I loved you intensively.

All thrown away
Every fucking thing that grew inside my heart
Thrown away
Why should I move on and begin again?
When you’re the proof that love goes down the shitter
All your hate and indifference, tears me apart
Damn my life, I cannot stand having lost you
Please, release me, pull the trigger as you cut the cord.

Pathetic as only I can be
I always knew you were gonna end up hating me
Pathetic as only I can be
You swore, crossed your heart you were never gonna be my enemy.

And for what?
All this life is only a lie
Where I longer exist
What’s only left’s to rot and die.

…Then You Die

Haunted and searching for escape
Like the ones who came before him
On this never ending twisted maze
Only the loneliness is what embraces
Ghostly voices passing by
He thinks he can capture one of them
And then turn it into life
It’s a make-do remediate
Something to seize his attention for awhile
As he goes back feeling left to die.

Oh all of the words that one could say
It feels like one is delaying the inevitable
Oh let the poor man rest, to pass away
No one is gonna miss what was invisible.

Trembling and with nothing much to do
All the circumstances have come full circle
Oh this never ending torturing dementia
To wait for the ones who won’t ever return
Familiar faces pass him by
But they’re not the ones he thinks they are
What cruel joke to the heart
To be trapped in your own broken mind
As the lines up ahead begin to blur
A smile to disguise all that makes him hurt.

Oh all the things that one wish could say
It feels like one is trying to save what one can’t
Oh let the tired man sway, to take a break
Nobody is gonna remember what they just neglected.

He feels like he can touch the air
But it’s just vapor floating around
They’re all gone, the ones that did care
As he gives his last breath and falls to the ground.

Good night and good bye, kind sir
Who but the ones who’re still alive will try to reminisce?
Until our very own lines begin to blur
And then too be taken away by that very callous essence.

My most honest poem to date

Uninspiring Eulogy

Stop feeling sorry for yourself
You are him
Yes, you have become one of the demons
that you so hide so much from within
So own it like a man
There will be no forgiveness and no redemption
Best eat this dish cold
Cause you’ve fucked up
And though you think this is not your fault
There’s no one else to blame
Stop saying how sorry you are
No one will eat up that charade again
Yes, this is your life and this is where you have driven it
This was your decision
And you’re the only one held responsible
So if someone wrong-did
It was you, it was you to yourself, and you to others
So stop crying
And stop raging on
Told you, no apologies will make things okay again, no.
So let the others heal
Concentrate on your own
Let the others deal with the circumstances they’re living
Some of them that you’ve caused
Let them learn and hopefully forgive you
And if they don’t
Well, it’s time to carry on
Your life doesn’t depend on them
As their lives don’t depend on yours
Learn and love, and love and let live
If there’s something that you should do
It’s simply to just let things be.