Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

Too many lives wasted too young to depression and suicide. I contemplated in my pain and wrote this. This is dedicated to my father, mother, brothers, sister, my ex wife, my children and some of my friends. It’s not supposed to rhyme or be super smart, just smeared my feelings all over it.


(The image is NOT made by me)

Swallowing Dark Hole of Solitude

You speak better with silence
I speak better with silence
But please tell me what’s wrong?
I need to know what’s wrong?

I can see you in your corner silent
You can see me in my corner silent
There’s something wrong with you
There’s something wrong with me.

But words they escape us
They cannot truly capture the feeling
Broken at times, lonely at others.

Maybe you just need to cry
Maybe I just need a hug
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
But we don’t see that, at all.

I just saw you crying
I couldn’t deal with it
I’m holding my tears in
Hiding myself from crying
I don’t want you to see this.

Make a joke to shake the hurt
Yell instead of breaking down
Apathetic and numb
I’m so sorry and so alone.

I heard the news the other day
They took their own lives way too young
I wish I could be dead instead at times
But then I think about suffering I’d be causing

Is there a way out?
God? Love? Money?
I know we cannot be hurting like this forever
In our silence we speak amounts.

Speak to me
I wish to know
I too, myself
At times, feel alone.

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It’s sad that no one can relate to what I’m saying/feeling.

All of Them

She likes what she likes
And what she likes is what she likes
And you, you’re not even dust.

She likes what she likes
And she’s insufferable
And you’re just a pawn.

She cares but she doesn’t care for real
She thinks she’s a god, she’s a queen
She thinks you’re just a poster wall
To call when she has no one to talk to.

She is who she is
And who you are won’t make a difference
And you, you’re insignificant.

She is who she is
And she’s her own person
Except when she falls in love with the impossible.

She cares but she doesn’t care for real
She’s so high above you, so centered
She thinks you’re a beggar, a loser
Only to be reached when she needs someone.

She loves her lovers as she loves her lovers
But her lovers doesn’t love her
But for her that’s okay
She loves her lovers as she loves her lovers
But the one who truly loves her
She doesn’t need that, she doesn’t care.

Another sunset
Lost in the wind
Lost in time… again
Oh, silence…
Friend of mine
Times that are good
Horrible times
Ever going
Marinated in tears
Another assortment
Reality shocks
Tendered and broken
Hailing for love
Everything fails
Singular failing
Another collectiveness
Mourning the heart
Ending the gap.

The Velvet Empress

Silvering Lust

Staring at the white wall of my screen
Watching as it turns black, turns red
She likes the same fucked up things it seems
And now I want her here in my bed.

Waiting for minutes, for hours, for days
Sitting right here inside of my head
She thinks and says the same things I say
And now I’m just waiting go on ahead.

Romeo and Juliet has nothing on us baby
We can kill ourselves without falling in love
But Goddamn it, I care for you sweet lady
And I can’t stop begging the good God above
For a chance to be closer to you, closer
But shit, darling, if I know myself any better
We’ll burn, burn, burn so, so sweet
Oh girl, I cannot wait for this meet and greet.

Diamond and coal
Turn lead to gold
Silvering lining
Silvering lust.

Swirling in this wide space of my dreams
Watching as they turn violet, turn blue
She seems like the one that in here could scream
And now I bet she doesn’t have a clue.

Lurking for minutes, for hours, for days
Hiding right outside the window of her room
She wishes for things that I too wish to lay
And now we’re gonna have it pretty soon.

Romeo and Juliet has nothing on us baby
We can ruin ourselves without falling in love
But Goddamn it, I care for you sweet lady
And I can’t stop begging the good God above
For a chance to be closer to you, closer
But shit, darling, if I know myself any better
We’ll burn, burn, burn so, so sweet
Oh girl, I cannot wait for this meet and greet.

Diamond and coal
Turn lead to gold
Silvering lining
Silvering lust.

She doesn’t love herself and I’m not sure if I do
But if we’re in this deathbed we can see it through
Equinox and epoch leaping together in march
Fire in this bed, baby, as our molecules begin to starch.

Diamond and coal
Turn lead to gold
Silvering lining
Silvering lust.

Feeling like John Con
I’m feeling like Faust.

This poem is about when one meets someone new and when one knows someone for far too long.

The Housing Gap

Leave me here with my thoughts
I don’t think that you want
‘Cause I know that I need more.

Leave me here with the truth
So sour, it burns in my mouth
You don’t owe me a thing, no.

When the light stretched out
I was in darkness, so lost
But a random hand came through
And tried to reach me, so…

Am I in debt with your heart?
Do I owe your feelings something?
You, broken and empty as me
Do you think I should still be here?

Leave me here with the wasted
I don’t think you should face
‘Cause it’s not your problem, no.

Leave me here with the ended
I don’t know what to say
Should I have a love to embrace?

When the light dimmed in
I was left here, so alone
Then a random hand came through
And it tried to reach me, so…

Am I in debt with your heart?
Do I owe your feelings something?
You, broken and empty as me
Do you think I should still be here?

There we were, looking for something
Maybe for hope, love or companionship
How the fresh fruit has become spoiled
Left to rot by the means in our hearts.

‘Cause nothing ever solves like we want
And if we come to cherish one another
We’ll end up hating one another instead.

Solitude doesn’t have a master
We’re slaves, we are its whores
‘Till one day we gather strength to abandon it
Or one day we cannot take it anymore.

Stream of Voices

I don’t exist
Or exist way too much to be in the way
When silence attacks violently
The voices of those who abused me start chattering.

So bring the guns forward
I’ve been meaning to die for awhile now
Oh, no I do not mean to be ungrateful
But fuck the way I feel about everything when I’m lonely.

Good for you if you don’t speak about these things up front
But for fuck’s sake I’m trying to exorcise my own demons
Can you lend me a hand of getting out of this hell?
Or are you gonna stay on that side, yelling “you can make it!”?

This feeling is fueled by the fact I am physically alone
I don’t want to hear the things I already know
That demonic voice of my own, my low self-esteem
How nobody ever wanted me. How low can I go?

To play the victim and feel sorry about myself
Be in my fucking skin and tell me that everything is ok
“If you’re gonna end it, you should’ve ended it by now”
What kind of fucked up thing is that to say to someone who’s hurting?

Slenderman

I remember the day that the world faded way
Oh you were falling like an angel, holding a dagger
You took my children, took my heart, and took my hope
And you were smiling like the devil
Cause you know you made the crime
But never really paid the price.

I’ve paid my dues with the devil
But the lord doesn’t want to know about me
Karma’s such a bitch and I’ve been treated like a bastard
No father, no mother, no son, no anything.

So I took my pills and said goodbye to what was left
But something keeps pulling me back and into the cage
In this never ending loop of constant losing
Even the lord doesn’t have mercy on my soul
Cause since quite long ago even he stopped caring.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t think I can feel at all
All I want is to harm you in the way you’ve harmed me
But then consciousness takes ahold, drives me round a guilt trip
And I see you by the side of my corpse, cackling and laughing.

I’ve slept with the whores of Babylon
I think even them are in need of some love
I’m so confused, should I care or have pity?
This crooked tree never made it into a cross.

I yelled for help but there’s no one here who cares to aid
All they are fallen bodies pulling, dragging one another
Darkness seems a common denomination for the ones residing here
The fact that I can’t seem to find Him
Is what the world seems to love about me.

Inwardly Fashion

You want to walk at your own speed
You like to do things syncopated
Don’t you know I’m in a hurry?
I don’t have the time to catch up
And synchronize
And to be one together.

How are you to fit the shapes in the hollow spaces?
When you’re a square, I’m a circle and we’re in a triangle
I don’t have the will to drag along those shallow memories
Of you and me, you and others, me against the world and I.

You want to go on your own speed
You never liked following the pattern
You’re either one step behind or two steps ahead
But never quite paralleled with me.

How are we to decipher the symbols on the walls?
When you read a different language from what I’m speaking
I don’t have the energy to figure out this conundrum displayed here
And you and me, you and others, me against the world and I begins.

The algorithm in the way we feel about one another
The difference about the way that we see things
Is dragging us under, placing us against each other
Consuming us to the point we stop being lovers and become nuisance instead.