Posts Tagged ‘hurting’

Like Before

I do not know how to express how I’m feeling
Seems I have forgotten somehow
But this fire in here is awfully burning
And I want to get rid of it right now.

Lately I have been thinking of disappearing
Not having to deal with any of this
You simply can’t imagine how much I’m hurting
I simply cannot take all of this shit.

It’s just too much
My head cannot take it anymore
Everything‘s just fucked
I cannot make it like it was before.

I do not know how to handle what I’m feeling
Seems I have forgotten somehow
But this hatred in me is rapidly asphyxiating
And I want to get rid of it right now.

Lately I have been thinking of self-injuring
Find a way to already be gone
You simply can’t imagine how much I’m hurting
Every day I face this all alone.

It’s just too much
My head cannot take it anymore
Everything‘s just fucked
I cannot make it like it was before.

The people who know me but do not call me
Will come to wonder what was wrong?
The people who are here, closest to me
Can’t give an answer for this, they have none.

They say if you speak about it, it will be easier
But I’ve been speaking about it for twenty long years
All of these problems are simply getting messier
I’m just peeling another layer of all the things I fear.

It’s just too much
My head cannot take it anymore
Everything‘s just fucked
I cannot make it like it was before.

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Actinic Salacity

All you need is something long enough to keep you satisfied
And I’m coming short with my words, my love and metaphors
And all you need is something stiffed enough to leave you mystified
And I’m coming weak with my open soul, open heart, open arms
Cause at the end of it all, all we need are the most mundane things
And when you’re not a spiritual whore, you don’t lust for implemented invisible beings
All you seek is for what the eyes can feast on, full body on, no protection required
No need for math for what comes after, this signal here burns with growing fire.

All you need is something that can hit you hard and continuously
Even if it’s the kind that’s developed by tempered physical manifestation
All you need is something that will make you sweat and scream infinitely
Even if it’s the kind that comes synthetic and not from a fleshy incarnation
Cause at the end of it all, all we seek are the most degrading things
And when you don’t have an ethic anchor, you don’t go for the sense of consenting
All you crave for is a carnal touch to caress us, press on, course through and across
The only agreement available is in wanting to be molded, fucked inside and out.

Our instinctive animal desires dictating what the outcome should be
For the lack of love, be that self, or from being shorn, this transforms our characters
In this upside down, backward world, where our perspective perception is deformed
We praise the physiognomy that leads into misogyny and depravation assertion.

Ephemeral Infatuation

There’s something about you
Something truly addictive
And I’m just another junkie
Looking for a fucking hit.

Let’s fuck up this already shitty life
With all of your disgrace
And all of my mistakes
‘Cause nothing matters when we’re young
There are no consequences
To the bend of our moral compasses.

There’s something about you
That I wish to have in me
I wish to put in you
Angst is a supermassive black hole.

Let’s crash course against the wall
Leap off this cliff
And float till we disappear
‘Cause nothing matters when we’re young
There are no penalties
For we send it all to fucking hell.

‘Cause the present looks like a puddle of colors
We cannot make anything concrete out of it
And in our lack of esteem and raging hormones
We want to feel something, even if that something hurts deeply.

We’ll have the rest of our lives to regret this
We’ll ignore ever knowing one another in the future
Once we’re old and grey we’ll pretend have lived a perfect life
With the perfect choices that led us to where we will be.

A Broken Man’s Show

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing
And I don’t know how to deal with all of this
That comes to me like a meteor shower
That comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

To pretend to keep some privacy
To try to be the best I can be
But I always come short
And it’s so humiliating
As I drown in my sense of failure
Attacked by my low self-esteem
To be bitten by the snake of arrogance
And deny myself of my own fault
Should I open the door?
Should I leave it like that?
This room is getting filled
And there’s no air outside.

A sick world that’s trying to cure me
Trying to numb my human reactions
Trying to fill up their emptiness focusing on mine
A sea of so called therapists
A sea of so called friends
But in this darkness
I see no arm reaching for me.

I’m done complaining
Done looking for help
How can I fix myself this time?
Walk away from this hell?
To watch out for every action that I make
Make sure it doesn’t hurt the loved ones
Doesn’t hurt their fragile pride
But what about me?
They only stare to see past beyond
But never to see what’s inside.

Oh this might be an error
Oh this might be a lie
But you see, in my perception
It’s blurry in my eyes
As warped as I’ve made it
As defensive as it can be
To create consciousness for a few seconds
For a few seconds to make some understand
But like the wind that blows the dust in circles
We’ll be soon back again to where we stand.

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing…

It comes to me like a meteor shower
It comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

Should I open the door?
(Maybe the exit lies beyond it)
Should I leave it like that?
(What about the unknown dangers?)
This room is getting filled
(And I’m asphyxiating)
And there’s no air outside
(Either way I’ll die).

Undefined Infinitely

Stuck in time and space
In this vast nothingness
Floating infinitely
Towards the endless gap
Nothing but a black veil
Around and beyond
No day or night
No stars, no sun.

Everything Has Gone Back to Normal

Everything has gone back to normal
And my blood it bleeds red
And how it aches
How it hurts.

Everything has gone back to normal
And my calls are not responded
All in a busy tone
All in a busy tone.

Everything has gone back to normal
And this silence is by my side
Greeting me with open arms
Greeting me again.

Everything has gone back to normal
And I feel like my usual self
So useless, so useless
Yeah…

The white empty space
A wide empty space
Nowhere to escape
I have awoken.

Everything has gone back to normal
The momentary happiness has passed away
Passed away
Passed away.

Everything has gone back to normal
Daydreaming seems so bliss
Like a bad joke
I don’t want to.

The wide empty space
Here in my chest
Here in my head
I was never completed.

Everything…
Has gone back…
To normal…
Sigh… The End…?

Under the Rain of my Eyes

All the time in the world is not enough
I’m always gonna love you
I’m always gonna miss you
I’m always gonna need you.