Posts Tagged ‘hurting’

A Broken Man’s Show

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing
And I don’t know how to deal with all of this
That comes to me like a meteor shower
That comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

To pretend to keep some privacy
To try to be the best I can be
But I always come short
And it’s so humiliating
As I drown in my sense of failure
Attacked by my low self-esteem
To be bitten by the snake of arrogance
And deny myself of my own fault
Should I open the door?
Should I leave it like that?
This room is getting filled
And there’s no air outside.

A sick world that’s trying to cure me
Trying to numb my human reactions
Trying to fill up their emptiness focusing on mine
A sea of so called therapists
A sea of so called friends
But in this darkness
I see no arm reaching for me.

I’m done complaining
Done looking for help
How can I fix myself this time?
Walk away from this hell?
To watch out for every action that I make
Make sure it doesn’t hurt the loved ones
Doesn’t hurt their fragile pride
But what about me?
They only stare to see past beyond
But never to see what’s inside.

Oh this might be an error
Oh this might be a lie
But you see, in my perception
It’s blurry in my eyes
As warped as I’ve made it
As defensive as it can be
To create consciousness for a few seconds
For a few seconds to make some understand
But like the wind that blows the dust in circles
We’ll be soon back again to where we stand.

Oh my life is an open book
A freak show
For everyone to laugh
For everyone to shake their heads
Cause I’ve made the wrong decision
Cause I’ve said the wrong thing…

It comes to me like a meteor shower
It comes to me like acid rain
Breaking on my bones
Burning on my skin.

Should I open the door?
(Maybe the exit lies beyond it)
Should I leave it like that?
(What about the unknown dangers?)
This room is getting filled
(And I’m asphyxiating)
And there’s no air outside
(Either way I’ll die).

Undefined Infinitely

Stuck in time and space
In this vast nothingness
Floating infinitely
Towards the endless gap
Nothing but a black veil
Around and beyond
No day or night
No stars, no sun.

Everything Has Gone Back to Normal

Everything has gone back to normal
And my blood it bleeds red
And how it aches
How it hurts.

Everything has gone back to normal
And my calls are not responded
All in a busy tone
All in a busy tone.

Everything has gone back to normal
And this silence is by my side
Greeting me with open arms
Greeting me again.

Everything has gone back to normal
And I feel like my usual self
So useless, so useless
Yeah…

The white empty space
A wide empty space
Nowhere to escape
I have awoken.

Everything has gone back to normal
The momentary happiness has passed away
Passed away
Passed away.

Everything has gone back to normal
Daydreaming seems so bliss
Like a bad joke
I don’t want to.

The wide empty space
Here in my chest
Here in my head
I was never completed.

Everything…
Has gone back…
To normal…
Sigh… The End…?

Under the Rain of my Eyes

All the time in the world is not enough
I’m always gonna love you
I’m always gonna miss you
I’m always gonna need you.

Consuming Fire

Fill this tank
‘Cause it’s empty
You faceless man
You used to have a name
Not mentioned anymore
Cause I’m too proud
And I’m too hurt
To even repent.

I knew from the beginning that this was going to fail
You told me over and over and over and over again
But I like the mistakes in a flavor that I can enjoy the taste
I’m drowning but my arms don’t reach out to be saved.

Leave me alone
But (please) don’t forsake me
Cause you’re in my head
And still cannot hear me
Bit my tongue
Before claiming anything
My pride
My anchor keeping my under.

I know of your existence and all of your righteous ways
But this outcast found a place where hurt is heard
There’s no more trace of you in the present world here
It has become the thing that you told me I’d most fear.

If you don’t reach me, I won’t attempt anything alone
I know that I need this, but I need to see my worth
You left an imprint in my soul, enough to hold me back
But you forget to place a filter when the sky turns black.

Severance

And this earthquake will be felt by the people such as I
And when it comes and I won’t be able to see eye to eye
I’ll be bowing my head, while tears roll down my face
‘Cause I’ll be feeling that this chaos I’ve had embraced.

And the fragile mind will stay in shock as they lie in awe
And my hands will tremble, and my heart will surely drop
I’ll be cursing myself, while my fast press against heaven
‘Cause I’ll be feeling that the balance’s unfairly uneven.

And nobody else will truly understand how to reach with my hands
And rip my heart out in order to show the world how much I hurt
And when that time comes my thoughts of suicide might double
‘Cause this while will feel like I’ve wasted it just lying in the dirt.

I can’t find a way to convince myself that it will be alright
‘Cause I know in my heart of hearts that it will bring much more sorrow
And by then I’ll realize that this leading light isn’t as bright
It’s just a veneer to make you believe that there’ll be a better tomorrow.

This is dedicated to my children and the hurt I feel of knowing they’re so far away.

Justifiable Rage

I need this to hurt me
Cause I need to show you
How much it hurts
To see you hurting as well
The impotence
This fucking incapability.

If I don’t dig out all this shit that’s in my heart
This shit is gonna drag me even further down
Well, fuck all this distance keeping us apart
To these chains of restriction I’ll never be bound.

I need this to hurt me
Cause I can feel the pain
How much it destroys me
How much it destroys you as well
The unknowing
The ever fucking wondering.

You don’t know how angry, how sad
This makes me
You don’t know the frustration
All the things I wish I could say
I could do
To save you
Come here!
Come here!
Fuck the laws that keep us apart
I hate them!
I love you!
With my denying breath
I’ll always scream
You’re the light that keeps me alive!

Even though I’m trapped in this cage
I won’t give up as long as you love me
All this concern, this justifiable rage
Is fueled by the fact that you need me.