Posts Tagged ‘me’

This is dedicated to the very inspiring people here on WordPress. Here is to Michelle Marie and to busymindthinking. I’m amazed about how beautiful and sensitive their hearts are and how strong they are as people. 

The Gift You Gave Me

You feel the weight of the world
Falling on you, crushing you
You feel like giving up
But you can’t, they all depend on you.

You live for yourself
As you live for another
And you’re not alone
Cause there are always others.

Don’t let the blindness of this world blind you
Don’t let their ignorance become your hurt
Hold on to the hands of those who are here to help you
Hold on to their love, cause they won’t disappoint.

You feel the weight of the world
As it seems heavier for you than for others
And you feel like giving up
You’ve been through enough and you wish for it to be over…
But you live for yourself
As you live for another
And even though you might feel alone
Believe me, there are always others.

Don’t let the pain of this day dictate the rest of the journey
Don’t let the weight of the hurt convince you of a weakness
If you’ve held strong all along you can hold strong a little longer
Give all your love, cause your love gives hope and restores others.

We all see you for what you are inside
And what you are; is a beautiful warrior fighting for a cause endlessly
For the cause of being alive and inspiring hope for those who feel hopelessness
A reminder of what we should fight for when all of this fight seems senseless.

The gift you gave me; was the one of understanding
Understating how much it hurts, but still how much we can heal
This gift you’ve given me, I will always treasure it
These are the words of a fighter who will never give up on her faith.

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This can be seen as a continuation of the poem I wrote yesterday. This is what happens when that fear in the back of your head starts getting louder and you start listening to it and act based on it.

Me Vs You Again

Sit down and look around
Like any other day
Wait, slow, as time passes
Just another hour
An eight hour journey
For the last four
Keep one foot inside
Another foot on the door.

Enjoy the yelling out loud
I’ll keep bored in my head
A thing we’ve spoken about a thousand times before
Just keep on living, just keep on feeling dead.

What do we want with our lives?
That might sound like a simple question
The answer that lies inside
Might not be the one you are looking for
Another seven day week
Just wait for the next couples
Another month passed away feeling sick
Can’t seem to keep myself out of trouble.

Enjoy the looking away
I’ll keep feeding my boredom
Everything I could’ve done, everything I could’ve said
But now’s far too late to try to rely on wisdom.

“Complain” is the word of the day
Might as well be the word of the week
Word of the month, word of the year
Word of all of our stupid selfish lives.

Me Vs You again and again
Chocking and strangling ourselves and each other
A wound that won’t heal any time soon
We’ve signed the pact for our own pending doom.

The Gift You Give Me

Seems like distance would open this space even wider
Seems like in our spaces we could be truer than this
Even now that I’m in, I feel like an outsider
And now up close I feel I’m the one who’s distancing.

Seems like anonymity would speak of ourselves better
Seems like in aliases we could speak so freely
And now that I know you more, I feel like you know me less
Cause I’m still keeping inside all of my secrets.

I’m so afraid that I’m not giving all that I need to give
And that just one day that would be the excuse for you to ask me to leave
I’m so afraid I’ll never be able to be all that you want me to be
And that one day you’ll come to the conclusion you’re not happy with me.

Seems like in friendship I would write better love songs
Seems like in the beginning we had more affiliation
And now that we’re physically here for one another
Things have grown stale, dealing with such confrontations.

I’m so afraid that I’ll never get rid of these poisonous feelings
And that one day you too will get sick of it
I’m so afraid that this will drive both of us even more distant
Cause all that I want is for you to be closer to me.

I’m so afraid that I will never get to be who I want to be
Somebody free of fear, free of deception, just simply free
I’m so ashamed of all of the secrets I cannot hand to you
I know that you’re here for me, but I am ashamed of the truth.

Don’t Wake Me Up if the End is here
 
My memories are a thing of the past
I am lifeless, soulless and futureless
All I am is a scent of who I used to be
I won’t become anything, I am stuck.
 
All the love I feel you won’t understand
You only can see love through a smile
I’m trying to deal with these issues while only addressing myself
But now that you’re part of my life, I guess I’ll drag you along with.
 
My fear has me completely paralyzed
I don’t think I can leave these four walls
Is the thing you tell me every chance you got
I know it, I know it, don’t become another defeating voice.
 
All the things I want I wish I could bleed them out
I wish you would see that these are my true intentions
I’m trying to move on with life, the only way I know and I can
And now that you’re here with me, I think I’m keeping you prisoner too.
 
I will grow old until I turn to dust
Life’s infinite time is simply too much
Take every piece of my heart and of my mind
As another family member dies and my memories along with them.
 
I pray for the end and it’s not because I’m depressed
But because I feel so tired and I deserve a rest
Too watch my babies grow old would be a blessing
But more than that I pray for them not to live like I’ve been living.
 
So please, don’t wake me up if the end is here
I don’t need to live in anger, don’t need to live in pain, don’t need to live in fear
Just let me rest in the arms of my Lord, if there is such
I have never denied his existence so I hope he greets me with his graceful love.
 
Army of Darkness
 
Your eyes are so beautifully evil
I think I have a crush on the devil
I want her to strip me naked and drag me down to hell
My life ain’t worth more than a decimal
I’m gonna agree to your mortal proposal
I want you reach on my bones and turn right the wheel.
 
Oh, yes, that light from the distance
Has been keeping me blind for awhile
I want you to follow me into my army of darkness
Or you can die alone here burning inside.
 
Yes, that tune that you maniacally sing
So beautiful and swerving and powerful
The hands that give time on the clock, flipping birds around
My very pride I’ve sold for a penny
Enjoy while you can these last tears of profanity
I want you to come face to face with the mirror of your sound.
 
Boastful praising the sins
As we all human beings
Do so indiscreetly…
 
Lady Death, here we meet again
I’ve been looking for you for awhile
You can either join my army of darkness
Or you can die alone here burning inside…
 
It’s your choice
You decide…
 
Preach the death you so full of gloat promote
Or let the cockroaches eat the rest of your corpse…
Weighting the Outlet
 
More writers’ block coming my way
I don’t know what to write, what to say
Don’t know if to be brutally honest
Or complicated confusingly metaphoric
I don’t know if to address again my personal struggles
Or try to humble others with my “read between lines” rhymes
Either way it’s not like many are gonna read it
Less are gonna understand half of it
Cause art has become as stale as the psychiatric help
For someone who doesn’t feel needs help at all.
I know I need a lot
But still I’m so scared that I hide my fears inside
And pretend that everything is not as bad
As my nightmares and lack of sleep
When this voice in my head screams
At me, telling me, “Jesus, man!”
“You’re fucking losing your mind”
That’s why every night I wake up
Gasping for air and chocking
I subliminally hate myself so much
That my inner demon is trying to dispose of me.
Every time I try to rest
This voice in me keeps yapping and yapping
Laughing whenever I fail and fall down
Pushing me to end this nightmare
Cornering me to the point I can’t take it anymore
Convincing me that my frustrations won’t stop
And my life won’t be better or ever be fixed
Enclosing me into this cage
Prisoning me inside my own fear and hate
Each day nailing me deeper into my cross
Mocking at the fact that I might not ever see my children again
Whispering as loud as it can at my ears
“God doesn’t love you but loves watching you be in pain”
“That’s where your faith and loyalty drove you”
“Having a bitch take everything you fought for stolen”
“Why this fucking human justice will always spit at your face”
“You lost your rights as a father, your freedom of speech…
distorted in the lies of a woman who wants to only torture you.”
“You lost your job, your house, your kids, your whole family”
“You self-esteem, as low and as little as it might’ve been.
And now you’re losing sleep as your losing your mind”
“And that Karma bitch seems to hate you and be against you too”
“Stop writing words on a page you call poetry,
Thinking you’re any good at it…
You hallucinating arrogant prick!
Nobody is gonna read none of your shit
Take you seriously as an artist,
Or an honest human being struggling.
So instead of just whining, just grab a knife
And slit your goddamn wrists.
Finally and stop this goddamn drama!
Cause nobody gives a fuck about your life;
Especially none of your friends or your fans.
You know you have your love one for the time being,
But when you fuck up, she too will leave.
It’s only you and me, man!
I’m stronger than you!
I am the demon in your heart and soul!
I am hate, and anger, and pride!
I’m you and you created me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I won’t die until I kill you first;
Destroy your life,
Rip everything you love from you,
Drive you insane,
And teach you how all of this never made any goddamn sense in the first place.”
The Bend
 
Back and forth
Downward and backwards
Evil creates
Evil rejects
I am poison to your lies
I am poison, the evidence
In this deranged world
Where pretty things are
The things that are chosen
To be raped and strangled
My one eye sees
My one eye speaks
I know I’ll lose
I know I’ll burn
But my truth will glow
Like the sun; your phoenix.
 
I sold my soul
For the knowledge
Gave my future
For the one truth
Now I have to pay the price
For having danced with snakes
I know you all serve the devil
I know you all are participants
I know the master plan
It isn’t a secret anymore
And you know it
That’s why you laugh
And slit my throat in public
Cause you know nobody cares…
What’s right or wrong anymore.
 
Oh Baal Zebub
Fallen Angel
The Most Beautiful
Prince of Air
Gatherer of Legions
The Leviathan
The Great Architect
Designer of Homunculus
Moloch and his son Molech
The Beast and Baphomet
Sapphire and Lucifer
The Satyr and Satan
The serpent biting the ankle
Father of us all, we, your children
We ate the fruit cause you told us to
We read the Book of the Law cause we wanted to know the secrets of science and life…
Eliphas Levi is still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So raise your obelisks and your pyramids
Awake the seven headed dragon!!!
For we are the Harlot!
Third eye wide open!!!!