Posts Tagged ‘my’

Baring My Soul
 
Laying there beside me, is my four year old son
Sleepy, ready for bed, this is the last night here with me
We say our prayers, but he knows there’s something wrong
He asked me; “Dad why are you so sad?
Is there something going on?
You know I love you and that I want to live with you”
To what I replied; “I’m sorry baby, daddy loves you too
But after tonight you can’t be with me no more.
Mommy did things I can’t explain right now
And now daddy has to leave town,
to a place far away from your brother and you.
I’m sorry; I wish it wouldn’t come to this
I really wish I could take you both with me”
He said; “I wish you’d have all the money in the world
So you can buy a plane and take us with you, and be together forever”
I just smiled and nod, hugged him tight, while inside I cried like a baby
Cause I knew that would probably the last time I’d see and hold him
He said he trusts that I would make it
But to be honest, it is so difficult
He smile at me, “we’ll see again”
I pray to God that day do come.
 
The morning of my flight, I called their mom to ask if I can see my sons before I was gone
To what she resisted, until I insisted, and she finally agreed to do so
I received my kids with goodbye gifts and begged of them to be strong
My oldest son hugged me tight and cried and begged “Daddy don’t go”
My tears; they shed, with a broken voice I said; “I have to, there’s no other choice.”
He asked his mom if he could stay a few more minutes with me
Her mom replied “no, maybe another day, probably another weekend”
He went inside the car, and that was the last time I’d see both my children.
 
I wish I could carry on with writing this poem
But it’s too hard to think about the choices I made
It’s so hard to think about what I left behind
It’s not that I regret it, but I never knew it’d hurt this much
It’s like a ghost that’s trapped inside my mind
I never could’ve imagined I would feel so lost and empty
I never thought I wouldn’t survive without my two babies
I did this for them, so can this be the thing distancing me?
I want to feel their arms holding me, hugging me
I want to be able to talk to them face to face
I want to play with them, laugh with them, help them with homework
All I have of them now are some pictures I took before leaving
And a thousand of messages I leave for them in their mother’s cellphone…
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My God, the Recognition

Putting words on piece of paper
Hoping that somebody will read one day
I could let my emotions for later
But I want them to inspire somebody in some way.

But if you pass over
And don’t take a look at all
Then why am I even trying?
Face flat against the floor.

The sweet sound of victory
When my eyes see all those likes
No need to care about, or feel sorry
I’m the king of poetry and rhymes.

My God, my Recognition
Thank you for all these beautiful moments
Thanks for making me so damn talented
I will recognize your love for me after my name is celebrated…
Not a minute before.

Safety shelter has become a prison
I mix my real experiences with the fantasy in my mind
So I can be brutally honest, still leaning towards riddles and ambiguity
Just like when I speak with my friends and loved ones.

If you don’t get the point
Well then you don’t honestly know me
I’m doing this out of fun
I’m doing this while bleeding dry my heart
I don’t joke about these experiences
But I laugh at them while trying to get them out of me
People seem to be confused about my way of dealing with reality.

My God, my Recognition
Lies in writing whatever the hell I want
I am a artist in my own way, I am a master of my own craft
Aren’t we all, gosh darn it!?
So let’s all celebrate that we are all different from the trending mass.

You Are My All
 
Now that I’m gone
And can’t no longer be there
Do you think the rest of my bones
Will show you all that I care?
 
This is a thing that no one will understand
Only if they were in my skin and my shoes
But the very fire time I held you in my arms
You planted a seed on everything I find to be true.
 
I apologize for not writing these words I have for you before
You have given me hope, given me love, given me life
You so small, always picking me up when I was down on the floor
You are my spark, you are my heart, you are my soul; you are my all.
 
Now that I’m away
And can’t no longer hold you
Would you always remember the days
That I was right with you?
 
This is a thing I never let anyone see but you
Only if everyone was like you, my flesh and blood
I remember the very first time I heard the news
I knew that this is the life I’m supposed to live, I understood.
 
I apologize for never revealing to you how much you mean to me
You have given me a reason to keep on fighting this hard life
Inside all of the darkness I hold in my heart, you know you’re the light
You are my spark, you are my voice, you are my soul; you are my all.
 
Cause all the hate, pain, angst I hold inside
It goes away when I hold you in my arms
And nothing else around this place matters
Other than the fact that there’s love here.
 
Here’s a little shelter, our little haven
Inside of the memories of the time we spent together
And if this the last day for me in this earth
I want to you to know you are the reason for my betterment.
 
You are the glue holding it together
You are the warmth keeping my heart beating
You are the piece of heaven, you are God’s promise
That there’s hope for a better tomorrow, a better world.
 
Lullaby for My Fiends
 
War inside my head
You’re always mocking this disturbance
You’re always making fun of these voices
Inside of my head,
But if you push the buttons
I assure that they will bite your hands off
Oh, I swear to God, you won’t be able to leave here alive.
 
Oh sweet Jesus
I try my best to contain them
But all they want to do is hurt
In the same way I’ve been hurt
So the next time you get close to me
And think of breathing down my neck
Don’t say I didn’t warn you
I just don’t want to but I want some respect I will if needed to.
 
My demons’ prison is made of glass
Don’t tumble it over or it will break
I’ve been feeding them all of these years
With all of my anger, my angst and my hate.
 
It’s not a metaphoric way of saying “don’t piss me off”
If you actually push me against a wall and corner me
I’ll actually gonna push on the trigger and get you to back off
My life before yours, for I’m sick of having to come in second.
 
Lullaby for my fiends
I need to keep them calm
I need to keep them quite
Although they scratch the walls of my skin
And growl to let them out
To let them feed on other’s pain
I’m the one who made them
And inside of myself they must remain.
 

No Matter What My Name May Be, I’ll Always Be Nameless

Play that violin for me Kathryn
After today I may never hear it again
Play it just a melancholically
For we are ghosts inside this town
Oh, I’m sorry, please, excuse me
You don’t remember who’s this speaking
You don’t remember my name
You can’t make of my face.

Such are pathetic attempts in trying to bring the past back
You became from a figment of my imagination into a super star
Come tell me you love me, come leave me behind
You and I will always be phantasms inside of my mind.

Hello Kathryn!
Don’t you remember me, Mr. Nobody?
I used to spend all night, listening to you sobbing
I go now by the name of Invisible Man
Come laugh at me silently while turning your head slowly
I’m just a step stool for the lonely souls
Throw me again into the trash can
I’m useless now that you don’t need aid.

And all of these words inside my head are written with invisible ink
Cause everyone around will forget about every one of them
Once they become somebody who doesn’t need anybody like me
But me, I’m the shadow in the background
Just around the loser’s corner
Just right where you all used to sit in
But now’s become a myth since you don’t have any more a need for it.

So Kathryn your name has turned from chalk to blood
I guess that’s what happens when you sell your soul
Mine is cheap, so won’t you buy it?
I just need a taste of it, see how it feels
To forget about everyone that has been there
For you in the past, when you were a nobody
Oh, well, excuse me, my name again?
I go by Jeremy the loser, The Invisible Man aka Mr. Nobody.

No matter what I say or do, I’ll always gonna be ghostly
No matter what my name may be, I’ll always gonna be nameless.