Posts Tagged ‘of’

A poem I wrote last week.

Master of Anxiety

Wasting all of my time doing nothing
But thinking how much of a loser I am
How I am always disappointing everyone
And how much I’ll fuck up again next time.

I’ve tried to overcome all of these thoughts
Tried to medicate with high all of my lows
Swallowed one too many pills attempting to kill this disease
Wishing I could kill my body if it comes to it.

I wish I could disappear in silence
But how much more invisible can I become?
I wish you could understand my anxiety
I was raised to feel like nothing and be alone.

Wasting all of my time here complaining
And thinking how much of a whiner I am
When I’m having it “good” even when I’m bleeding
Always above others as from this belt I hang.

I’ve tried to keep my stupid mouth shut
Tried to swallow my pride and confront my doubts
Zombified my mind with mindless TV ads on display
Wishing I could put my fears right where my body lays.

I wish I could undo this inner violence
But how can you fight something that has become much stronger?
I wish I could get rid of all of this anxiety
But I was taught only to fail miserably and become a loner.

Wasting all of my time staring at nothing
Thinking how much of a fucked up I have become
How I am always disappointing everyone
With the things I’m doing, with the things I’ve done.

I feel like the master of anxiety
But I know I’m more like its slave
Worrying about every little thing constantly
My own soul I cannot even save.


Under the Rain of my Eyes

All the time in the world is not enough
I’m always gonna love you
I’m always gonna miss you
I’m always gonna need you.

Prison of Rage

So this here, you see is what you’re tired of
So this here, you see is what’s gotten you sick
So this here, you see is what I’m made of
So this here, you see is what it’s full of shit.

When I close my eyes, they won’t go away
Even when you’re not here, they just stay
You think I just can shush them away
But they just stay with me every day.

Feelings of loathe and low esteem
Surrounds me to the point I’m trapped
You don’t know how it is, has been
For me to feel like I’m caged like an animal
In this place inside my head
Where I cannot escape
No matter how much I run
How further I move on
I always end up in the same place
Confined in the prison of my rage
Wishing I wouldn’t feel this pain.


After drawing the pic above I was inspired to write the following poem. I’ve read so much in my life that at times I feel it’d be a waste not to share some things.

The Significance of Knowing

To keep them from understanding
You know he spoke in riddles
To keep them from capsizing
You know he stood in the middle
And if you don’t know the answer
Is because you don’t deserve it
Sick of being labeled a monster
Because I can read between it.

Hey, Lucas, why don’t you enlighten some of us?
They really need a hand
They really need your help
You better refer them to Paul
They need a corner stone
They need a corner stone desperately.

He invited me into the darkness
Because he knew I would see
He injected in me all this sadness
Because he knew I would be
What there was necessary to be
At the time no one would see
Your devil wears a halo
My god bled for us all.

Hey, Matthew, why don’t come pick all your lovers?
They really need understanding
They really need to see
You better refer them to Joel
They need some uplifting
They need a motivational speaker.

Women, they did gather
To mourn their master
Were where the men in all this?
They hid away after they slept through.

Eliah, I don’t think they’ve been calling your name
But the one who gives significance to your existence.

If there’s no interpreter
Then there’s no meaning to what’s being said
Here surrounded by pretenders
They think they know the reason why we all end up dead.

A Journey to the Center of the Earth

A call have been casted from the walls
Can you hear it as it bounds through the hall?
An image like a mirage onto the mirrors
Through the looking glass I can’t see any clearer.

A shadow have stretched from my own
Can you feel it as it stares at you while you sleep?
A white light blinding me from the picture
A half made body trapped in a state of the living.

The dogs bark at me as I press on these words
Tracing the blood I dripped in exchange for the key
The girl with the scarlet dagger waiting by the door
Slitting the throat of the infants offered to owls.

Like clockwork, following time through the hole
Another vampire falling for sirens and snakes
To open the chest and torn down the seals
Freeing all of desires and the spirits confined.

The deep black water is on the rise
What was foretold has come to be
Enters the man with a peace offering
The number is up, the hour of reckoning.

A smile and a smirk suit for a prince
A flight to the skies, straight given to air
An eye in the sun, the triad, the glimpse
The darkest eclipse, the warmest of flares.

Right at the zenith of the six golden triangles
Sit all the architects of harpies and obelisks
Quoting lines of the Book of Forgotten Names
Hidden in rhythm, rhymes, symbols and sounds.

Soap Opera of Our Lives

I can see the intention in your eyes
So clear, enough to break my heart
I can see the things I cannot deny
My dear, we have grown apart.

Both tired of pulling on the strings
Leaving the cable as it is
With our feet on automatic release
And our hearts with its needs.

So we come to the clear conclusion
That we may not be good for each other
Cause we’ve lived under this condition
Of being aggressive towards each other.

In this soap opera of our lives
I just wish to say that I’ve lived for you
So before we say another word to decide
I know in the same way you’ve loved me too.

I can see the decision in your heart
So clear, enough that it breaks mine
I can see the things we’ve ripped apart
My dear, we’ve been hurting inside.

Both tired of trying for the other
We give up it all for our own
With our hearts in automatic defense
And our love ever growing tense.

So we come to the clear conclusion
That we may not be healthy for one another
Cause we’ve lived under these restrictions
Of pushing over the edge when we feel cornered.

In this soap opera of our lives
I want to say I can’t imagine my life without you
So before we say another word to decide
Is this way you wish to live, without me too?

But once upon a time
We promise we wouldn’t be like this
Somewhere lost in the back of our minds
We know we can something out of it.


This is not the end, there’s no dot
This is not the end, this is just a pause
For us, to breathe for a moment
Gain new strength and carry on.

No, this is not the end, these are not closing credits
And even if they were, there could always be a sequel
And nobody likes having to watch a brand new cast
I know we still have in us, I believe our love can last.

How everything is not what it seems, sadly. Wrote this a few weeks ago.

The Color of Your Words

Pink to yellow
Then red to black
And back to blue
And there’s something about you
Might as well take advantage
But not in the way most people think.

All I can see is
You cannot see me
All I can sense is
That I’m invisible
Naked to the eye
Of those who love me
Naked to the eye
Of those I see through.

Pink to yellow
Then red to black
And back to blue
And there’s something about us
Might as well speak it out
But I won’t do for certain reasons still.

All I can see is
You cannot see me
Not in the way
I wish to be seen
Naked to the intention
For those who love me
Naked to the intention
For those I love too.

I’m floating in a space that’s private
In a sky that I’m not allowed
Thinking of reaching to a person
That doesn’t want to be reached
At least not by me
By the world
But not by me
I’m invisible in this imaginary state.

The color of your words
Sometimes I think they glow for me
But just when light hits them
Hallucinating it has something to do with me being here.