Posts Tagged ‘Pain’

Written by Stephanie Grey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Legion

You looked at me at the distance
I just looked back, smiled, nodded and walked away
There was no intent of resistance
Because there was no intent of ever walking your way.

Who told you I was acting difficult?
What made you think that you could run after me?
I’m not a little kid playing catch me
And you’re not one I’d allow into my heart, let alone my bed.

You walked to me, introduced yourself
I listened, smiled and laughed at a few of your jokes
And though the conversation was interesting
I wouldn’t be caught in your net, tied up by your ropes.

Who told you that I needed any rescue?
Who told you could play the part of prince charming?
I’m not a little girl lost in the woods
And you’re not the woodsman, might just be the big bad wolf.

Whatever made you think I was in trouble?
Whatever drove you to gamble a trust of your own?
What makes you think this says anything about my problems?
What makes you think this speaks worlds about my insecurities?

I would believe in fairy tales with you if they didn’t turn into such horror movies
Cause once that shine you wear fades away all that is left is the alarming latency
Every time you come across a girl like me, you look at the list of your names to proclaim
Whatever, whichever that might be today, the monsters inside are the only things that remain certain.

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Restoration

Building up the walls of my life
Out from the ashes and the rubble
The ghosts of this fire lurking
Looking to see what they can bring down
I must keep it all locked inside
Before it takes control and I lose it
Shove it all down until it chokes
To kill it even if I end up killing myself as well.

In this upside down parallel world
That we live in
Which defecates on rehabilitation
And every good intention
That pleases itself by watching you fail
That humiliates you if you ever defy
Where the worst actions are congratulated
And the best attempts are frowned upon.

Trying to get the confidence
That I was shunned out of
Trying to understand that
This is a necessary process
Trying to see life with different eyes
Facing situations with a different approach
I don’t want to fall down
in the very same hole
that brought me there in the first place
and trapped me in that wheel of repetition.

I have to force myself
To break the patterns
of expecting the worst outcomes
that set up my defenses blindly
I must allow myself
To forgive and be forgiven
To be healed and be loved
And love unconditionally again.

If I to move forward
I need to find a way
To pacify this hatred and this anger
To shush the voices in my head
Exit all this darkness kept inside
To channel and purify
All this stagnant blackened water
And allow myself to be restored.

Twin poems. Two poems, both start the same but end up differently. By Ryan Lyandree

The Fragmented

You know you want me
You know you need me
And you want and you need
And you go around in circles
Wanting and needing
And not loving yourself
To say “stop”
But me, I’m not here
To tell you this
But to embrace you
To congratulate you
And to say
“Let’s go”
Yes, I will love you
Like no one
Has done before.

Cause my filthy hands
Purify with the touch of your body
So let me please you one more time
Let me be that floor for that gap
Let me be that bridge,
That cornerstone
That pinnacle,
That someone
That somebody
That structure to hold you still
When you feel like your world’s falling.

You know you want this
You know you need this
To disguise the emptiness
With sudden sexual moments
A vehicle to cut through the pain
A conduit to electrify the heart
But I’m more than a spark
And so are you when shining
Embrace the light
Life has given you
Embrace all the passion
The love, the energy
For you are far from being alone
When you have me.

Cause my naughty thoughts
Purify with the touch of your soul
So let me hold you one more time
Let me be the floor for that gap
Let me be that bridge,
That cornerstone
That pinnacle,
That someone
That somebody
That voice to reassure you
That you’re loved and that everything will be okay.

All of nothing
Never settle for less
Either in or out
The exception is when it heat

Allow me to be the one to tell you
How much you’re worth
More than anyone else
Has ever told you before.

The Opportunist

You know you want me
You know you need me
And you want and you need
And you go around in circles
Wanting and needing
And not loving yourself
To say “stop”
Because your body demands it
Because the gap is wide open
Loathe and desire becomes one
Isn’t it sweet when the rest comes in?

We take advantage of this situation occurring
As any other individual in this position would
Who would let go of this golden opportunity?
To apply to as much fuel and fire as one could.

After the carving of the soul
And this heart deforestation
Comes in the endless self-loathe
But I’d be gone for this occasion.

For the next time
I’ll find you here…

You know you want this
You know you need this
To strangle the emptiness
With sudden sexual moments
A vehicle to drive through the pain
A conduit to electrocute your fears
Because your heart rejects it
But your body embraces them
Welcome hidden spirits as such
To sacrifice another non virgin.

We taste of the apple ‘cause the fruit is ripped
As any other fervor longing luster here would
Who would lose the chance to be the opportunist?
When the path is clear to do as much as one could.

After the drilling of the body
And the inner gardening
Comes in the self-discomposure
But that party I won’t be attending.

So, until the next time
I’ll you see then…

Taking advantage of you
As you’re taking advantage of me

You know you want me
You know you need me.

Taking advantage of this
As you’re taking advantage of us.

Because your body demands it
Because the wound is wide open
Loathe and desire becomes one
Isn’t it sweet when the rest comes in?

Nothing here
Nothing there
Feeling fully alive
While being completely dead.

The Bridge

So many beautiful songs written after we broke up
So many beautiful tunes I could’ve dedicated you
But I don’t want to go back to what made us miserable
Cause there’s no way we are getting back to good.

You couldn’t fix my heart
No, you couldn’t save me
You said that wasn’t your job to do
But all I wanted was for you to be the one thing
That could pierce through the darkness
That could bring light to my life
But I put on too much weight
I put too much pressure, and you couldn’t have that.

We burned down the bridge
The things we built together
Now our memories abridged
To feel like this, again is never.

So many beautiful songs written after we broke apart
So many beautiful words I could’ve dedicated you
But I don’t want to go back to what made us desolate
Cause there’s no way for us to undo the damage done.

I couldn’t fix your heart
No, I couldn’t save you
You said that you never intended that for me
But all I wanted to be for you was the one thing
That could reach you through the sadness
That could bring love to your heart
But you pushed me too aside
You closed the door shut, and I couldn’t have that.

We burned down the bridge
The things we built together
Now our memories abridged
To feel like this, again is never.

So many beautiful songs written that I will never get to sing
So many beautiful tunes that we will never hear together
So many beautiful words that I will never get to dedicate you
All the love that I can’t hand you because it’s no longer wanted.

I can’t rely on the past
I can’t rely on the now
And that we once had
It’s gone, broken down.

We burned down the bridge
The things we built together
Now our memories abridged
To feel like this, again is never.

Again is never
Again is never
So many beautiful things
Gone, broken down
Again is never
Again is never
Again is never
Never…

Ryan Lyandree

Antimatter

There’s a gap between what you feel and what you say
There’s a gap between what you think and how you live
Burning all bridges
Crippling all possibilities
You’ve become not an enigma but a random object flickering.

Your actions are so sporadic
Feeding on the chaos of your own clustered cosmos
You think you have found your light, your center
But all we’ve found is you’re antimatter
An asserting black hole.

A collapsing star
Supermassive supernova
In your catastrophic expulsion
Sucking in everything around
It all gets caught in your pull
And then it gets wiped out
One whole existence consumed.

Shining before expiring, you think you’re light
Cause your million gases glimmer through the night
Dragging, pulling, in your event horizon
Your mind and body completely torn apart.

Molecules swirling
Around and heating up
Funneled by the force of gravity
Sucking in everything around
All organisms caught in your pull
And then it gets wiped out
Engulfed in your abysmal bliss.

This gap has found a way to expand itself
This gap has found a way to devour us all
Antimatter
An asserting black hole
A collapsing star
And we’re getting caught in your pull.

 

This is the first time I write something or say something addressing about how I feel after hearing about my son’s condition. It’s been a week today since that horrible message appeared on my phone that Saturday morning.

The First Step

I think it’s time to open my heart
And reveal all these hidden scars
Like it or not, nothing I can do
For how long will I keep things from you?
My audience might be only God
Or maybe the thoughts in my head
But I have to do this, no other choice
No matter if inside I feel dead.

I’ve been searching for the things I’ve been feeling
Yes, I’ve been looking for all of the right words
Four breakdowns in less than a month
I don’t know how much I can withstand, I can uphold.

When I heard the phone rang,
I knew it was bad news
I woke up with my heart in my mouth
My biggest fear has finally become true
And I don’t know if there’s a God
But everyone has been asking me to pray to it
For all that I knew then I have forgot
And my faith isn’t exactly what it used to be.

I’ve been searching for a way to describe the feeling
Yes, I’ve been looking for a time to say the right words
Do you think that any time I will be healing?
Do you think that this tragedy will make it much worse?

This is the way I channel my emotions
I have finally found a way to try to let go
As I attach myself to every motion
Of all the things that I now know
I see evil in the faces of those who always were
And the light still hasn’t reached for me
I find kindness in the words of strangers
It’s something I never expected to be.

I’ve been searching for a way to express how I’m feeling
Yes, I’ve been looking for a way to let you all know
Do you think that any time now I will start healing?
Do you think that this life has a way to turn things around?

This is what a friend of mine would call a “vomit” poem. This is based on the many stories I’ve heard.

ĜøĐ

I know she sold her soul for a taste of a kiss
But all she got was the taste of his fists
She was twisted, now she needs to be torn
So he unleashes all the hell of his storm
She would get on her knees to pleasure him
But he wants more of that choking fun
She feels so dirty, tries to wash off her sins
All he fucking cares about it just to come.

A couple of lonely hearts with their faces splashed in coke
Sour pints, what a night, in and out, fate is just a joke
She looks my way and winks, but I nod and shrug upon
This is not my story; I’m just a watcher, so go and carry on

I know that through these lens evidence’s kept
But she wants to burn it all and just forget
She was abused, now she needs to be disposed
So he grabs the laces and has her roped
One punch to the mouth to have her teeth in
And he cannot stop from unleashing it all
She feels the pain, her swollen chest starts to sink
But this fucker’s having a blast, having a ball.

A couple of warped souls with their livers full of booze
Chalked lines, what a day, out and in, life is just to lose
She looks at me and weeps, but I nod and frown upon
This is not my problem; I’m just a voyeur, so carry on.

Up in the sky, the road may be different
But down here we dance, and not mind
Angels on the middle looting, participating
I may be g0d but I would also like to unwind.