Posts Tagged ‘Pain’

Ryan Lyandree

Shroud of the Veil

I’m not gonna cry
For I am stronger than this
I’m only gonna fight
Whatever is pressing me in, suppressing me
I better hold tight,
Dizzy and down on both knees
My face won’t slump to the ground
I’m mauling my lips with my teeth
With the taste of iron collecting in my mouth
As salty and sour as my restrained tears
I am hurting
Both mentally and physically
Not to mention fucking emotionally…
Like a wounded animal,
(But) I will wield and I will not yelp
And although internally I am bleeding
(No) I won’t beg or ask for your help
I’m keeping the pressure on
You won’t see any seep, you won’t see a drop
But when I get up from here
I swear I’m gonna go for your head
Oh by Thelema and BaalZebub
You better be ready, asshole!
‘Cause I’m gonna go for your fucking throat.

This was a battle
Where I allowed you to give me your best shot
And to shoot first
Foolish of me
I accept I was overconfident
But now that I’m addled
And on my way to almost expire
I stare at my maker’s eye
I swallow this hard pill
For it has come to me, like the veil being shrouded
Revealed to me, by an act of apparent flitting divinity
That with my pain I shall dissolve your ivory tower
With all of my agony I shall bring down your dirt empire

So come on
Come closer to me
You want to be in touch with my soul?
You really want to see the root of my anger?
Come, thy brother
Come see the burden
The secret shall be revealed to you!
Come closer, thy brother
Can you already feel it?
Can you hear any of them?
The whispers turn into screams
The demons tormenting!
Feel my pain!
Feel my agony!
Goddamn it!!!
Why don’t you feel my pain?!
Come and feel my agony!
I shall crush you and I will destroy you!
Even if it’s the last thing I do in my feeble and miserable existence
I will put you in my shoes
I will drag you down with me
And you’ll feel how’s to be crawling like a ravished and trampled snake.

Then you will have what you really wanted
And then I will have what I really needed
An equivalent exchange of the suffering
We shall both be the losers but as long as you’re not winning
I shall always be grateful
I shall always be one with my shadow.

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I.C.

Speaking in tongues that no man can understand
In comes the lizard, because it still can lift up and stand
Pseudo ghosts in transmutation of their essence to skins
Every law being followed, written by the hands of their kings.

Hail the Age of Aquarius!
The age of Pisces is long gone
Enter the Kindred Spirit and the Harlot
For the Swindler and the Once-Winged One are in their kingdom.

Go into the dimension where distance folds itself
Don’t you know that Hades was rebuilt by exchanging gold for lead?
PC to PC, and all the rules are bent and broken
Where faceless crowds vociferate their disgust and turn their heads.

Hail the Age of Lilith!
The time for the patriarchy is finally over
Political nonsense! We do what we feel
Binary labels and trinities are for the dumb, the weak and the sober.

Let’s drink for this chance to finally be free
Write it on our walls, hoping for the legion to love it
Open our third eye, feed from the knowledge meant to be
Recover what was left then on the garden
Yes, let’s mother nature take full control
She has all the rights to abort all of her seeds.

Erect all the obelisks, trace all the lines on the floor
To channel what is left on the otherside of this world
No longer needing to mask our truest intention
Hail to our Ethereal Father and blessed be this nation!

…Then You Die

Haunted and searching for escape
Like the ones who came before him
On this never ending twisted maze
Only the loneliness is what embraces
Ghostly voices passing by
He thinks he can capture one of them
And then turn it into life
It’s a make-do remediate
Something to seize his attention for awhile
As he goes back feeling left to die.

Oh all of the words that one could say
It feels like one is delaying the inevitable
Oh let the poor man rest, to pass away
No one is gonna miss what was invisible.

Trembling and with nothing much to do
All the circumstances have come full circle
Oh this never ending torturing dementia
To wait for the ones who won’t ever return
Familiar faces pass him by
But they’re not the ones he thinks they are
What cruel joke to the heart
To be trapped in your own broken mind
As the lines up ahead begin to blur
A smile to disguise all that makes him hurt.

Oh all the things that one wish could say
It feels like one is trying to save what one can’t
Oh let the tired man sway, to take a break
Nobody is gonna remember what they just neglected.

He feels like he can touch the air
But it’s just vapor floating around
They’re all gone, the ones that did care
As he gives his last breath and falls to the ground.

Good night and good bye, kind sir
Who but the ones who’re still alive will try to reminisce?
Until our very own lines begin to blur
And then too be taken away by that very callous essence.

My most honest poem to date

Uninspiring Eulogy

Stop feeling sorry for yourself
You are him
Yes, you have become one of the demons
that you so hide so much from within
So own it like a man
There will be no forgiveness and no redemption
Best eat this dish cold
Cause you’ve fucked up
And though you think this is not your fault
There’s no one else to blame
Stop saying how sorry you are
No one will eat up that charade again
Yes, this is your life and this is where you have driven it
This was your decision
And you’re the only one held responsible
So if someone wrong-did
It was you, it was you to yourself, and you to others
So stop crying
And stop raging on
Told you, no apologies will make things okay again, no.
So let the others heal
Concentrate on your own
Let the others deal with the circumstances they’re living
Some of them that you’ve caused
Let them learn and hopefully forgive you
And if they don’t
Well, it’s time to carry on
Your life doesn’t depend on them
As their lives don’t depend on yours
Learn and love, and love and let live
If there’s something that you should do
It’s simply to just let things be.

Ms. Him Mr. Her

She doesn’t need any friends
Who the hell ever needed any?
You know she can depend of herself
Except when is required another’s opinion
She can do it all on her own
Never seen anybody so damn independent
It doesn’t matter the days she feels alone
She can disguise it all with a forced smile now.

Sometimes she wishes to feel the rain
Other days she prays for the world to burn
She can be at the edge of the end and not fall away
But I know to the center of it all she can never return.

She’s never ever truly wrong
Except for the moments she doubts herself
Don’t dare to give an opinion of your own
That’s an offense she will never forgive, nor forget
Don’t you know she’s the queen of her world?
Who the fuck needs a king when she can do it all?
It doesn’t matter if you truly have fallen in love
She doesn’t need your goddamn affection or empathy.

Sometimes she wishes she wasn’t born
Other days she prays for the world to disappear
She can be at the verge of a breakdown and still not mourn
But I know that when death is so close you can only fear.

She’s doing so much better in her head
While her actions only dictate how she’s losing her mind
“You and I, yeah, we rather be dead”
That’s what she whispers when she’s tired of being kind.

She gives her body and soul to strangers
Cause those are the ones that will forget later on
She risks it all without a fuck about the dangers
And she’s gonna do it all until the day that she’s finally gone.

This is for my soon to be ex-wife. I know she won’t read this, but I have to get it out.

For Everything We Cannot Talk About Anymore

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we spent time together
And all the differences were set aside
And all of our problems didn’t put up a wall.

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we laughed together
And all of our differences were put down
And the problems with each other became obsolete.

It was so beautiful, and it was so nice
It was like we healed and left the past behind
I swear to God I never intended to hurt you
I never intended for us to end up like this

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we were friends again
And all the differences were things of the past
And all our problems were buried deep under.

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we had a good time
And everything that made us be away from each other
Was something we were matured enough to deal with.

It was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes
It was like we forgave one another and left the past behind
I swear to God I never intended to hurt you
I never intended for us to end up like this

Why can’t we talk about it?
How come we end up hurting again?
I wish I had the strength to be a different person
The betterness you seek back then.

No matter how much time passes,
no matter how wide the distance is,
It still hurts like it was yesterday
I cannot forgive myself for how insufficient I was
But now it’s far too late,
we have locked that door
Now there’s no room for repentance, or
For everything we cannot talk about anymore.

The Unless

They come to this place in order to find a spot where they could fit
They do not need the restrictions and judgment of the outside world
When they come to you, they do with open hands and open hearts
But if they leave crestfallen, brokenhearted and with tears in their eyes
Know that the lonely are not ignorant to your exclusion, or your lies in disguise.