Posts Tagged ‘past’

Ectype in Sepia

This is something new
So I like the way it looks
I still haven’t gotten used to
The bright vibrant colors.

This is so soft
I like the way it feels
I still haven’t got used to
The touch of the surface.

I think I have grown old
Thinking about how marvelous
Are the shades in this picture
Captivating and keeping me in awe.

(It’s) hard to write about you
With that smile and that glow
It’s best to keep it in stored
In the storage of my memory.

(It’s) hard to look at you
Without pondering possibilities
The hourglass’s broken
Pouring all the specks about.

I think I have grown weary
Thinking about the wind breeze
Waiting by the cold shore
Tallying the phony sirens at bay.

A rag boy stumbling still
From your perspective is skewed
Less oil for this engine to reel
Every feeling once wasted, spewed.

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Metempsychosis

Reincarnation in the same bloody muscles
The lack of a wall in the fortress of the skin
As the spirit from the past life chuckles
I recognize the impending doom is soon to begin.

Get me to higher realms
In this spiritual journey of ours
Sick of chemical spells
Drifting at the pending hours.

Walk me to the creator
The one who made it all
The builder of this incinerator
The one who ignores my call.

Fear of the dismal future
The thing I made of my own
The roaming of this creature
That doesn’t have a home.

So rest in my anger
My agonizing intentions
Drunk in apathy
Before these revelations.

Overturn

Just another shot of this poison here
And I promise that by tomorrow I will quit
Just another drill of a hole in my veins
And I promise that by tomorrow I’ll be clean.

Something to kill the memories
That like monsters, keep torturing me
Something to appease my mistakes
Forget about all the lives I’ve hurt.

If I had to do it all over again
I’d probably fuck up things worse this time around
Cause I’ve never learned from my ways
And I’ve been getting too comfortable facing the ground.

Just another shot of this poison here
You know, just for old time’s sake and I’m done
Just another pile to channel through me
And I’d be good as new, set to fix what’s wrong.

Something to celebrate the present
To feel like I’ve accomplished a lot more
Something to drown all my resentment
Embrace the way I’ve grown bored.

But if I had to do it all over again
I’d probably flush down the toilet the good things as well
Cause I’ve never learned from my ways
I’ve been getting too comfortable living in my own hell.

I tend to overturn my own self
Cause I love to watch the pieces of my own life burn
Thinking; “this is not me, this is someone else”
Until I wake up the next day and my brain begins to churn.

Leary

Posted: November 17, 2016 in Painful Poetry, Struggle Poetry
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Leary

Will you stay there crying?
Forever and ever?
For what it was done?
For what they did?
Some pieces
They might seem lost forever
Some pieces
Torn and stolen
And even in death
You still breathe
Forever entrapped
In an enticing cycle.

All we need is forgiveness
All we seek is revenge
And though we might
Think that we are any better
And though we might
Think that we are any worse
We’re just a spark flickering
Wishing to shine like the sun.

Will you lie there inert?
Forever and ever
As the sand in the hourglass
Slides up and down
Some pieces
They might seem lost forever
Some pieces
Torn and stolen
And even in death
You still breathe
In a never-ending reminder
Of a past life.

You fell in love with angels
As demons damaged your heart
Prayers to a distant God
That seems deaf to our pleas
Late to our aid
In the contort of an ongoing healing
One step forward, two steps back
When will the repairer fix the engine?

Linear Loop

The confusion I had when I was young has gone away
Now what I feel about the whole thing is apathy
You tore it down and burn it up because you were angry
Now I don’t care about what pieces were left of it all
I don’t care about the silent treatment
I don’t care about the words of forgiveness
I don’t care about the things you think you should give now
About all the things you should’ve done then.

The face you see is the one when the heart has closed
I don’t need your poison disguised as drinking water anymore
The words you hear are the ones when the chance is due
I don’t need your reasons, or excuses, or whatever may be or not.

The hurt I felt in myself when I was young has been buried deep
I’m not sure if I’ve healed or just simply got used to it
You can wait for me to break down somehow or just walk away
It wouldn’t make a difference about the way I’d feel about you
I don’t care if you think this is unfair
I don’t care if you think I’m being overdramatic
I simply don’t care whether you think I haven’t matured by now
Or if I’m what you always hoped for me to be.

The face that you see is the one that has been designed for you
If you see me smiling with others, that’d be thing you let loose
The words you hear now are the result of the ones of your own
If I can’t say anything nice to you is because you never did either.

I’m not leaving the door open for what could happen next
I’m closing it down, shutting it up, for now is the end
We all had the chance to make amends with our loved ones
But now we’re too old to remember what is this all for?

Broken People in a Broken World

And all this time I thought I was alone in here
And all this time I thought I was the only one feeling like this
And all this time I thought that my words were weird
And all this time I thought I was insane for thinking about death.

I was never liked
Or I was liked too much
A kiss from you is all dreamt of
And not the things a child shouldn’t witness.

And all this time I hid inside my own, without ever telling
And all this time I did drugs, cut myself and swallowed the pills with whisky
And all this time I felt too ugly, too stupid, too weak, too lost within
And all this time the world made me believe that I was wrong for feeling like this.

I was never loved
Or maybe I was loved too much
To hold me strong is all I wanted
And not for your fists to make my face bleed.

We are all broken people
Living in a broken world
Let the love you wish to experience heal you
Let the love you deserve, be one with your soul.

Warmly Beautiful – Coldly Ugly

I have given in
And I have given out
I have given it all
Given my body
Given my love
Given my pride
Given my blood
And I would give my faith too
Only if you could promise
Eternal love in all things to come
Light in all things dark
I would do it
If I could promise any better
I would say
I wear your heart on my sleeves
But to be honest
I’ve carved your name across my arms
Cause sometimes
When you cannot kill the feelings
All you can do is harm yourself
So as they say
When they try to sound smart
But all they do is sound snide
“You cannot have the cake
And then eat it too.”

So starlit stars spark as if they were magical
One day in dream just to imagine a bridal
Enters the passion
Come in the sex
The insatiable kissing
The effervescent touch
A pause in the weight of the world
Living in the moment
Just like every hormone do.
I would say
I did see beyond this point
But I was never truly aware what was behind it
But just the sense of being wanted
So you have to learn with the sight
Of having torn this temple of heart
This special place we both shared.

So milk turns sour
As honey turns into poison
I couldn’t love you more
Even if I wanted to
You couldn’t love me more
Just because you didn’t know how to
So enter the pitchforks and torches
You have burned down this temple
This sacred place we both built
With sweat, tears and blood
Unnecessary for the heart
To be broken the way you’ve done
Unnecessary for our health
To be warring this way… so…

I have given in
And I have given out
I have given it all
Given my body
Given my love
Given my pride
Given my blood
And I would give my faith too
Only if you could promise
Eternal love in all things to come
Light in all things dark
I would do it
If I could promise any better
I would say
I wear your heart on my sleeves
But to be honest
I’ve carved your name across my arms…
And that’s all you’ll ever get from me
That’s the final thing you’d have stolen
The last thing you’d have ripped apart.