Posts Tagged ‘Relationship’

This is from the point of view of this character.

Visceral Conflict (by: Alexander Silver)

Your mystery has cost me misery, my own self-esteem
All of the secrets I thought we were truly ready to share
I confess this is the loneliest and most hurt I’ve ever been
And if you had a sense of empathy I would expect you to care.

Turn around and walk away, so you won’t be seen in this place
Spread your wings only when the wind blows in your way
But keep your eyes down, to avoid suspicion and save face
Now that you’ve betrayed me, (you’ve) left me with nothing else to say.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
No, not after fear turned your begs into constant insistence.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

This social experiment of yours has cost me too much
If you weren’t ready, you shouldn’t have opened the door
One simply does not flee, neglecting delicate affairs as such
And if you truly cared, you would’ve not run me to the floor.

Go inside and turn the bolts, so you won’t be seen out here (with me)
Spread your arms only when a wave of convenient support blows you way
But keep your head down, to portray guilt, even if it’s out of fear
You can keep pretending, for the benefit of all of things that come into play.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
‘Cause after they confronted you, you walked into their acceptance.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

I’m right confined in who I am, in what I want
Don’t play mind games, only ‘cause you’re feeling curious
All ever wanted was to help you out, give you a hand
‘Cause I know how difficult it is at times and it makes me furious
That ‘til this day there are those who still hide behind their curtain
In self-disgust of who they are, and what they could become
But I’m not one to push off and on if the other person isn’t certain
And if they ever need support, I’ll be here for all the things to come.

‘Cause it’s such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.


Ephemeral Infatuation

There’s something about you
Something truly addictive
And I’m just another junkie
Looking for a fucking hit.

Let’s fuck up this already shitty life
With all of your disgrace
And all of my mistakes
‘Cause nothing matters when we’re young
There are no consequences
To the bend of our moral compasses.

There’s something about you
That I wish to have in me
I wish to put in you
Angst is a supermassive black hole.

Let’s crash course against the wall
Leap off this cliff
And float till we disappear
‘Cause nothing matters when we’re young
There are no penalties
For we send it all to fucking hell.

‘Cause the present looks like a puddle of colors
We cannot make anything concrete out of it
And in our lack of esteem and raging hormones
We want to feel something, even if that something hurts deeply.

We’ll have the rest of our lives to regret this
We’ll ignore ever knowing one another in the future
Once we’re old and grey we’ll pretend have lived a perfect life
With the perfect choices that led us to where we will be.

Undeniably Undependable

A stingy sensation on the pit of my stomach
Laying there are broken dreams and dead butterflies
When an intention breaks into such a remark
You become the judging eye of who truths and who lies.

Lifted up from the remains of what was once alive
Walked away from the traces of what was once conceived
If I knew that you would’ve taken me for such a ride
I never would’ve stepped foot on that shelter where you lived.

Hard to envision anything any other way
When your wine is strong, with a bitter sense of convolution
Any lap dog would find it easy, to go stray
If they knew the true intentions of your so called revolution.

A peculiar sensation in the back of my mind
Sitting here with such familiar features of things I doubt
What could develop here, what could be left behind
Whatever trail I follow that will for sure become my route.

Leaped from under the fire and all of the debris
I crawled away from the crumbled pieces of my palace
If I knew that past beyond “forever” you would flee
I never would’ve exchanged my heart for this lack of solace.

Hard to position you in any other place
When your rope seems strong, but breaks from its fine line
Any beggar would want to witness your grace
If in their very naivety they didn’t conceive that you are lying.

Walking straight, with my breast held high up
If you need to say something here, you might as well cough it up
‘Cause once I take flight, I won’t be looking back for signs of life
‘Cause I’ve witnessed all you have to offer and it’s all in bitter strife.

You’re undeniably undependable
A plugged-in toaster unexpectedly thrown at my water filled tub
My dignity is certainly not negotiable
And the blood stain you’ve left in my heart is one you cannot scrub.

‘Cause I don’t want to live without you…

For Every Time I’ve Lost You

Get me out of this misery
Cause I don’t wish to live without you
Cause everywhere that I look
I see the illusion of you.

What to do with the feelings you’re feeling?
When they used to be pure and carefree?
What to do now that the clouds have become grey?
What to do with this hurt that I feel every day?

Get me out of this misery
Cause I don’t wish to live like this anymore
Cause everything that I do
Is to be thinking of you.

Gray clouds gather, raining down on my face
And I don’t know what to do with all this space
Prepare myself to move on or fail in the process
How, when our lives used to be so full of roses?

My Decision

She likes to keep it together by pushing you to the side
She would step over you before swallowing her pride
She’d risk it all as long as she have to doesn’t apologize
She would do all this before she comes to realize.

She’s never wrong and she’ll never humble
For all the damage she’s done, she’ll never feel ashamed of
She doesn’t regret having to humiliated you
She could care less about moral values and manners.

She contradicts her gloating by despising me
She likes to waste time with her indifference
She cries, only for you to feel sorry about her
She likes boasting her ego by making you feel like less.

She fucks things up and never takes responsibility
She’s all about herself, one side blame on me
She feeds on her all powerful sense of femininity
Her arrogance’s set to drown any sense of sympathy.

It is my decision not to deal with any of this
It is my decision to speak things like they are
It is my decision to call on all of her bullshit
Never again will I be fooled by appearance.



Distance is tearing us, my darling
Distance is killing us, my dear
And the weather is getting colder
Since I don’t have you lying here
And if I have to wait one more minute
One more hour, one more day
For you to come back to my arms
To my life, to this house, to our bed
To this place we call our home
You might find me old, tired, confused
And probably already dead
By the time of your return
You might find me lying lifeless
You might find me diseased
Cause every second that passes
My heart keeps drowning
My heart keep sinking in
Into the ocean of my very own lonely tears
And I need you darling
Yes, I need you dear
I need you right now, right here.

So come rushing in through that door
I cannot wait for you anymore
Cause I’m slowly slipping,
Softly crawling on the floor
Minute after minute
Little by little letting go
In the beach of our memories
Sitting by the shore
As I ache for your return
My skin begins to burn
My thoughts they turn
In and out and all around
And all I want to be
For you my darling
For you my love
Is be prepared and beautiful
Have the strength
To break this vicious cycle
To come across the other side
Safe and sound
To find peace within this inner storm
For when you come home.

So what are you waiting for?
What is it making you take so long?
While I’m here desperately waiting
Passing time alone
In this, our bedroom
Our sacred shelter,
where our love belonged
So here I hear only the wind whistling
The tick tock
of the hands of the clock
That for you it hasn’t stopped
Not like I’ve had
So as I press onto this message
And I write the final lines
Of this unusual, intricate, poetic prose
I ask you more directly
Have you come to your senses?
What do you have to say in your defense?
Is this the end?
I think I see the rolling credits
As they play that trailer song
So come on and tell me
That this is not so
Come rushing in, my dear
Come back to me, my darling
You have until the morning
You have before the sun.

(Written on: May 18, 2013)

IWBTI was born to embrace this
I was born to set it aside
I was born to dissect this
I was born to keep it inside
Yes, I was born to get raised by this
I was born to cut it on my skin
I was born to confront all of this
I was born to treat it like a sin…

Years are like knives stabbing in the back of my head
What should I say to the people I know are already dead?
I’m gonna waste this love like it is nothing and then regret it
I’m gonna carve on my arms all the lovely names I gave you.

I was born to run away from here
I was born to keep on waiting
I was born to feel only the fear
I was born to keep myself from breathing
Yes, I was born to be a humble man
I was born to be a complete liar
I was born to be able to understand
I was born to burn down in the fire…

Years are like razors slitting deep in my throat and through
What would I deny myself the reason to speak up the truth?
I’m gonna bite my tongue until it bleeds and I have swallowed
I’m gonna choke on the needs of having to break free from this cell.

I think I’ve found the place I belong, where I fit in
What should I do now with the amount of useless things?
I was born just to have my heart completely broken
What would you do when you fall in love with another?