Posts Tagged ‘struggle’

A poem I’ve written under the name “Lauren Black”

Voling Thermo

How subtle this gathering
How lovely this family is
With their eyes locked at
With their lies sealed in
Open lips smacking
When chatting and dining
How so cultural
See how we keep on pretending.

Glory to the queen
And her servants
Here comes the princess
I’m not up for the crown.

How inspiring this welcoming
How faultless everything is
With their mouth murmuring
About outspoken chattering
Bright faces smiling
When inquiring and indicting
Such professionalism
On how we keep on dissembling.

Glory to her majesty
And one of her heir
Here comes the parade
I’m not up for the charade.

I may be never be your favorite daughter
Under secrets and false pretenses attempts
Oh how you’ve become such an exemplary mother
To the neighbors, my sister and both’s friends
But to me you will always be a symbol
One that I could never dare to interrogate
Excuse me for being so upfront and so bold
For I cannot excuse the things you allegate.

Glory to her illustriousness
May the children of her children
Follow on her footsteps
Cause I…
I’m not up for the pretense.

Excuse me for being so upfront and so bold
For I cannot excuse the things you allegate.
Sorry for not trusting the pretexts I’ve been told
For I can never truly depend while you dissimulate.


Ryan Lyandree

Aegean Chain

This ship has sailed way into the water
afar from the shores, lost at the middle
caught in the storm of our inner turmoil
Our north is no longer drawn in our maps

Anger fights at our voice of consciousness
We cannot accept our utter defeat
Pride is the crown that sits on our heads
Astray in our lack of self-realization.

Unless we give the wheel
To someone who can really guide us
We’ll always go in circles
We’ll sink like a rock onto the bottom.

This journey has left us dizzy and weary
Far from home, from our destination
Caught in a mindset of wrong retorts
Our arrogance weights more than our lives.

Overconfident in our own fixative ways
We cannot accept our lack of cognizance
Stubbornness is the lever that pulls us down
Awry is the road leading us out.

Unless we give the wheel
To someone who can really guide us
We’ll always go in circles
We’ll sink like a rock onto the bottom.

If you feel like an island
Find yourself one of your own
Like an archipelago
Always close to one another.

I haven’t given before my opinion about today’s society’s status. This is my opinion about it all.


Nuke us, nuke us
This world deserves death
Apathy and nihilism
I’m a man with no faith.

I don’t hate you enough to pull the trigger
I don’t love you enough to extend my hand
Die in the corner, where nobody sees you
Die of starvation, the rich-from overdose.

This canvas is all painted over
There’s nothing else to put here
Just throw it to the trash and then
Bring a blank canvas and start again.

Your opinion, my opinion
The facts, the suffering
All of the notion that keeps moving on
We all born, we all die, we all cry!!!

So nuke us, nuke us
So we can truly fucking feel
How the goddamn end is like
Politicians and religious nuts
The politically correct and millennials
And those who don’t give a fuck
And for those who don’t believe in a God!
Die! For all of our sins
Or lack of
Perfect? Perfect is your bullshit
Thinking that we’re not on the same boat
One that is sinking!!!

The wave of so much nothingness
I’m getting seasick by all of the hollowness
The pitch black, nothing is essential
Everything is created, nothing is accidental.

When your mind wanders off…

Scribbles on a Note

I wish I was better than this
I wish I could grow some confidence
Cause inside of myself, me,
And I, never trust enough to overcome.

I wish I was better than this
I wish I could believe what you tell me
Cause inside I, die, little by little
Trying to figure out the answers to these riddles.

It’s nothing that I haven’t said before
I’m just lying here in the corner
Crawling here on the floor
Trying to find the missing pieces
That could make myself complete once more.

Nobody wants you to be losing
But nobody likes when you win
They want you in between these two things
But I’ve always liked the extremes.

I wish I was better than this
Wish I could live a simpler life
*Sigh* What is there for me?…
If all that’s true turns into lies?

The Stream, the String, the Stirring

The hollowness is expanding
Reaching greater lengths
The darkness is merging
Opposing our strength.

And if you’re weak
It will devour you
And if you’re sick
It will assimilate you.

But I, the shadows don’t want me no more
And the light, it’s still too far for me to reach
For I am a joke now as I was to them before
I’m the one who got their soul system breached.

The content of the box is being revealed
It wasn’t like there was nothing in it before
And the designs, that were once sealed
It is a falling that will certainly leave you sore.

And if you’re blind
It will consume you
And if you’re kind
It will disgust you.

But I, I am a wanderer between parallel realms
And the light, it’s still far too holy for me to touch
For I am the abortion of these parasitic stems
I’m the one who will never avail things as such.

I’ve taken sides, but never sided with the unknown
Although my core lusts to learn what’s out there and beyond
I’ve chained myself to the love and the pain ingrown
And my memory will hold meaning until I am completely gone.

A poem I wrote last week.

Master of Anxiety

Wasting all of my time doing nothing
But thinking how much of a loser I am
How I am always disappointing everyone
And how much I’ll fuck up again next time.

I’ve tried to overcome all of these thoughts
Tried to medicate with high all of my lows
Swallowed one too many pills attempting to kill this disease
Wishing I could kill my body if it comes to it.

I wish I could disappear in silence
But how much more invisible can I become?
I wish you could understand my anxiety
I was raised to feel like nothing and be alone.

Wasting all of my time here complaining
And thinking how much of a whiner I am
When I’m having it “good” even when I’m bleeding
Always above others as from this belt I hang.

I’ve tried to keep my stupid mouth shut
Tried to swallow my pride and confront my doubts
Zombified my mind with mindless TV ads on display
Wishing I could put my fears right where my body lays.

I wish I could undo this inner violence
But how can you fight something that has become much stronger?
I wish I could get rid of all of this anxiety
But I was taught only to fail miserably and become a loner.

Wasting all of my time staring at nothing
Thinking how much of a fucked up I have become
How I am always disappointing everyone
With the things I’m doing, with the things I’ve done.

I feel like the master of anxiety
But I know I’m more like its slave
Worrying about every little thing constantly
My own soul I cannot even save.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Going in circles in a deprecating predestination
Everything is where is needed to be in order to fail
I keep forgetting the answers for every question
I still remember the ending for this unpleasant tale.

They say the power is in my hands
As if I have the complex enough to believe in any of that
My problem here is that I’m self-aware
That no matter how hard I try things will go always go bad.

Going in circles ‘cause I’m programed to stay in repeat
That fucking stupid little light that I still cannot kill
I keep forgetting why I get up if again I’ll be on defeat
The only process that never begins is the one that heals.

They say that I have the control
If I did I would’ve changed all of this shit a long time ago
My problem is ignoring the problem
That no matter how much I try, I truly can never let go.

This is my self-fulfilling prophecy
For every one who has ever been fucked
For every one who has given up
For every one who lives in the darkness.

This creation is of my own
I decided to have my own life destroyed
I decided to have everything taken away
I decided to get hurt over and over again.

Did I also decide for you?
Did I also push you to hurt me as much?
For every gun that has been pointed at my face
Was I one who controlled if or not they would pull the trigger?