Posts Tagged ‘struggle’

I haven’t given before my opinion about today’s society’s status. This is my opinion about it all.

SeaSick

Nuke us, nuke us
This world deserves death
Apathy and nihilism
I’m a man with no faith.

I don’t hate you enough to pull the trigger
I don’t love you enough to extend my hand
Die in the corner, where nobody sees you
Die of starvation, the rich-from overdose.

This canvas is all painted over
There’s nothing else to put here
Just throw it to the trash and then
Bring a blank canvas and start again.

Your opinion, my opinion
The facts, the suffering
All of the notion that keeps moving on
We all born, we all die, we all cry!!!

So nuke us, nuke us
So we can truly fucking feel
How the goddamn end is like
Politicians and religious nuts
The politically correct and millennials
And those who don’t give a fuck
And for those who don’t believe in a God!
Die! For all of our sins
Or lack of
Perfect? Perfect is your bullshit
Thinking that we’re not on the same boat
One that is sinking!!!

The wave of so much nothingness
I’m getting seasick by all of the hollowness
The pitch black, nothing is essential
Everything is created, nothing is accidental.

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When your mind wanders off…

Scribbles on a Note

I wish I was better than this
I wish I could grow some confidence
Cause inside of myself, me,
And I, never trust enough to overcome.

I wish I was better than this
I wish I could believe what you tell me
Cause inside I, die, little by little
Trying to figure out the answers to these riddles.

It’s nothing that I haven’t said before
I’m just lying here in the corner
Crawling here on the floor
Trying to find the missing pieces
That could make myself complete once more.

Nobody wants you to be losing
But nobody likes when you win
They want you in between these two things
But I’ve always liked the extremes.

I wish I was better than this
Wish I could live a simpler life
*Sigh* What is there for me?…
If all that’s true turns into lies?

The Stream, the String, the Stirring

The hollowness is expanding
Reaching greater lengths
The darkness is merging
Opposing our strength.

And if you’re weak
It will devour you
And if you’re sick
It will assimilate you.

But I, the shadows don’t want me no more
And the light, it’s still too far for me to reach
For I am a joke now as I was to them before
I’m the one who got their soul system breached.

The content of the box is being revealed
It wasn’t like there was nothing in it before
And the designs, that were once sealed
It is a falling that will certainly leave you sore.

And if you’re blind
It will consume you
And if you’re kind
It will disgust you.

But I, I am a wanderer between parallel realms
And the light, it’s still far too holy for me to touch
For I am the abortion of these parasitic stems
I’m the one who will never avail things as such.

I’ve taken sides, but never sided with the unknown
Although my core lusts to learn what’s out there and beyond
I’ve chained myself to the love and the pain ingrown
And my memory will hold meaning until I am completely gone.

A poem I wrote last week.

Master of Anxiety

Wasting all of my time doing nothing
But thinking how much of a loser I am
How I am always disappointing everyone
And how much I’ll fuck up again next time.

I’ve tried to overcome all of these thoughts
Tried to medicate with high all of my lows
Swallowed one too many pills attempting to kill this disease
Wishing I could kill my body if it comes to it.

I wish I could disappear in silence
But how much more invisible can I become?
I wish you could understand my anxiety
I was raised to feel like nothing and be alone.

Wasting all of my time here complaining
And thinking how much of a whiner I am
When I’m having it “good” even when I’m bleeding
Always above others as from this belt I hang.

I’ve tried to keep my stupid mouth shut
Tried to swallow my pride and confront my doubts
Zombified my mind with mindless TV ads on display
Wishing I could put my fears right where my body lays.

I wish I could undo this inner violence
But how can you fight something that has become much stronger?
I wish I could get rid of all of this anxiety
But I was taught only to fail miserably and become a loner.

Wasting all of my time staring at nothing
Thinking how much of a fucked up I have become
How I am always disappointing everyone
With the things I’m doing, with the things I’ve done.

I feel like the master of anxiety
But I know I’m more like its slave
Worrying about every little thing constantly
My own soul I cannot even save.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Going in circles in a deprecating predestination
Everything is where is needed to be in order to fail
I keep forgetting the answers for every question
I still remember the ending for this unpleasant tale.

They say the power is in my hands
As if I have the complex enough to believe in any of that
My problem here is that I’m self-aware
That no matter how hard I try things will go always go bad.

Going in circles ‘cause I’m programed to stay in repeat
That fucking stupid little light that I still cannot kill
I keep forgetting why I get up if again I’ll be on defeat
The only process that never begins is the one that heals.

They say that I have the control
If I did I would’ve changed all of this shit a long time ago
My problem is ignoring the problem
That no matter how much I try, I truly can never let go.

This is my self-fulfilling prophecy
For every one who has ever been fucked
For every one who has given up
For every one who lives in the darkness.

This creation is of my own
I decided to have my own life destroyed
I decided to have everything taken away
I decided to get hurt over and over again.

Did I also decide for you?
Did I also push you to hurt me as much?
For every gun that has been pointed at my face
Was I one who controlled if or not they would pull the trigger?

This is from the point of view of this character.

Visceral Conflict (by: Alexander Silver)

Your mystery has cost me misery, my own self-esteem
All of the secrets I thought we were truly ready to share
I confess this is the loneliest and most hurt I’ve ever been
And if you had a sense of empathy I would expect you to care.

Turn around and walk away, so you won’t be seen in this place
Spread your wings only when the wind blows in your way
But keep your eyes down, to avoid suspicion and save face
Now that you’ve betrayed me, (you’ve) left me with nothing else to say.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
No, not after fear turned your begs into constant insistence.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

This social experiment of yours has cost me too much
If you weren’t ready, you shouldn’t have opened the door
One simply does not flee, neglecting delicate affairs as such
And if you truly cared, you would’ve not run me to the floor.

Go inside and turn the bolts, so you won’t be seen out here (with me)
Spread your arms only when a wave of convenient support blows you way
But keep your head down, to portray guilt, even if it’s out of fear
You can keep pretending, for the benefit of all of things that come into play.

Why put on all that makeup just to look like a clown?
I ask you because you’ve made a circus out of this instance
I confess I never expected for you to let me down
‘Cause after they confronted you, you walked into their acceptance.

Such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

I’m right confined in who I am, in what I want
Don’t play mind games, only ‘cause you’re feeling curious
All ever wanted was to help you out, give you a hand
‘Cause I know how difficult it is at times and it makes me furious
That ‘til this day there are those who still hide behind their curtain
In self-disgust of who they are, and what they could become
But I’m not one to push off and on if the other person isn’t certain
And if they ever need support, I’ll be here for all the things to come.

‘Cause it’s such a visceral conflict
Not to go with your natural instinct.

The Appositively Hypocrisy

Still tired, bored with this pc world?
About all the fucking shit we still cannot speak of?
Still tied to, biting off your tongue?
You can get away with almost everything if you write it in a song.

Fuck tolerance!
There’s some shit I need to get off my chest
Be irreverent!
Still it’s irrelevant if you try to do your best.

These pacifist assholes always being violent towards me
Why can’t see the irony? The appositively hypocrisy.

Still in awe, up in arms about this?
You can only fight about what the majority agrees on
Still in grief, aggrieved about this shit?
You can’t speak the truth when everyone’s convinced you’re wrong.

Fuck ignorance!
There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about here
Be observant!
About how stagnant you become when in fear.

These political-correct maggots always warping the facts
Why can’t they see the bigger picture? It’s all an act.

They got us by the balls
Even if you profess yourself to be a full-time feminist
Soon your name will be called
When it’s time to jump off the ship and into the shark infested sea.