Archive for the ‘Reflection Poetry’ Category

A very personal poem


A Voice Starting To Grow a Face

The words from your voice
Became the voice in my mind
And I kept feeding it and feeding it
Until it became the only thing I could hear

You put these monsters on front
I was the one who turned them into demons
You offered me disappointed in myself
I was the one who signed the pact and agreed on it.

Now that you’re gone
I keep having these thoughts as my masters
I feel whatever they want me to feel
And live by their law that I’ll always be worthless.

As I kept fighting your lies
Deep inside I started believing they were true
And now when I look at the mirror
I can only see the rejection, disgust and judgment.

‘Cause as you said; “this world is threatening”
“be careful who you trust in this life”
“they will break your heart and you will be nothing”
“you can only count in yourself and no one else”
I began realizing that this voice is starting to grow a face.

And with your indifference and lack of love
I learned that you were special as you screamed “You are not!”
I’m here to break the pattern, to undo the loop
This hierarchy of madness and violence stops right here.

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La Fête Du Prince

Lucifer’s putting up his best suit for the occasion
Welcoming with open arms your selfish realization
Mix of sweet sugar and rat poison, bake the cake
‘Cause every good intention has an evil meaning as undertake.

So praise the god you believe in when being proud
As you keep the skeletons in your closet still in shrouds
Have a slice of pie, later on we’re gonna stick that knife
‘Cause one thing you can’t judge’s how anyone’s living their life.

Awake in the dream, in a dream within a dream
Without counting the layers of all there’s to be seen
The rabbit hole goes deeper than anyone would guess
But life is random and only the loyal servants will be the guests.

So take your drug, it’s majestic to be sane and clean
You wouldn’t want to rely on pillars that tend to lean
The concept of what the future may hold won’t stop
So bend the hands, you cannot freeze time, but to get stuck.

Lucifer’s putting on his makeup, practicing her smile
An un-surprised entrance, because it’s been going for awhile
Mix of sour gestures, praises and applause, it’s great
‘Cause every blinded eye harvests true sight once it’s far too late.

…Then You Die

Haunted and searching for escape
Like the ones who came before him
On this never ending twisted maze
Only the loneliness is what embraces
Ghostly voices passing by
He thinks he can capture one of them
And then turn it into life
It’s a make-do remediate
Something to seize his attention for awhile
As he goes back feeling left to die.

Oh all of the words that one could say
It feels like one is delaying the inevitable
Oh let the poor man rest, to pass away
No one is gonna miss what was invisible.

Trembling and with nothing much to do
All the circumstances have come full circle
Oh this never ending torturing dementia
To wait for the ones who won’t ever return
Familiar faces pass him by
But they’re not the ones he thinks they are
What cruel joke to the heart
To be trapped in your own broken mind
As the lines up ahead begin to blur
A smile to disguise all that makes him hurt.

Oh all the things that one wish could say
It feels like one is trying to save what one can’t
Oh let the tired man sway, to take a break
Nobody is gonna remember what they just neglected.

He feels like he can touch the air
But it’s just vapor floating around
They’re all gone, the ones that did care
As he gives his last breath and falls to the ground.

Good night and good bye, kind sir
Who but the ones who’re still alive will try to reminisce?
Until our very own lines begin to blur
And then too be taken away by that very callous essence.

My most honest poem to date

Uninspiring Eulogy

Stop feeling sorry for yourself
You are him
Yes, you have become one of the demons
that you so hide so much from within
So own it like a man
There will be no forgiveness and no redemption
Best eat this dish cold
Cause you’ve fucked up
And though you think this is not your fault
There’s no one else to blame
Stop saying how sorry you are
No one will eat up that charade again
Yes, this is your life and this is where you have driven it
This was your decision
And you’re the only one held responsible
So if someone wrong-did
It was you, it was you to yourself, and you to others
So stop crying
And stop raging on
Told you, no apologies will make things okay again, no.
So let the others heal
Concentrate on your own
Let the others deal with the circumstances they’re living
Some of them that you’ve caused
Let them learn and hopefully forgive you
And if they don’t
Well, it’s time to carry on
Your life doesn’t depend on them
As their lives don’t depend on yours
Learn and love, and love and let live
If there’s something that you should do
It’s simply to just let things be.

This is for my soon to be ex-wife. I know she won’t read this, but I have to get it out.

For Everything We Cannot Talk About Anymore

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we spent time together
And all the differences were set aside
And all of our problems didn’t put up a wall.

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we laughed together
And all of our differences were put down
And the problems with each other became obsolete.

It was so beautiful, and it was so nice
It was like we healed and left the past behind
I swear to God I never intended to hurt you
I never intended for us to end up like this

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we were friends again
And all the differences were things of the past
And all our problems were buried deep under.

I dreamt we spoke
I dreamt we had a good time
And everything that made us be away from each other
Was something we were matured enough to deal with.

It was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes
It was like we forgave one another and left the past behind
I swear to God I never intended to hurt you
I never intended for us to end up like this

Why can’t we talk about it?
How come we end up hurting again?
I wish I had the strength to be a different person
The betterness you seek back then.

No matter how much time passes,
no matter how wide the distance is,
It still hurts like it was yesterday
I cannot forgive myself for how insufficient I was
But now it’s far too late,
we have locked that door
Now there’s no room for repentance, or
For everything we cannot talk about anymore.

Amanda White

Under The Sun

Sexualize me in the way only you can
I want to be sexy in your sight, in your eyes
So treat me like the thing you want to treat me like
A broken heart can go both ways even when only one is playing.

You think you are so smart, with that snickering face
I just wanted to kiss you so I could give you of my disease
The more you want me, the more I hold you in my strings
And though it sickens me, I need to prove myself that I’m able to do this.

Why would anybody set the bar so low?
If I was just a little more matured then, I’d have approached things differently
And more than why, you might wonder how?
How is it possible for one to love oneself through the filter of manipulating perplexities?

Sexualize me in your heart and in your mind
I want to be sexy when I come around and you inside
So hold me tight, like I’m the control you don’t want to lose
A broken spell can either undo this bubble I was in, or trap you too.

You think you’re so valuable, like a treasure chest
I just wanted to take a peek into your chasm and spit on it
The more you want me, the more you disgust me, but
If I’m to win over this game that you think I’m falling in, I must push further.

Why would anybody set the bar so low?
If I was just a little more conscious then, I’d have confronted things differently
And to wonder what might’ve done now?
How is it possible for one to love oneself through the filter of bending up the perpendicular?

There’s a bridge between my heart and my body
I should’ve never kept my feelings under closed doors
To understand there’s a connection within my own spirit
It is something that I never really thought of before.

Why would anybody set the bar so low?
If I was a little more empathetic of myself and of others,
Oh, I would’ve done so many things so differently
And though all this got me to the place I am right now
Is it impossible for one to love oneself through the filter of bending bullets aimed for the heart, and for the soul…
Oh, no, to give onto others the pain you withhold
It is so unfair, cause when one is young and full of all of these hormones
Should one really be held countable of such things done?
‘Cause life is like a coin, it’s two sided…
So what is really hiding under the sun?

It’s sad that no one can relate to what I’m saying/feeling.

All of Them

She likes what she likes
And what she likes is what she likes
And you, you’re not even dust.

She likes what she likes
And she’s insufferable
And you’re just a pawn.

She cares but she doesn’t care for real
She thinks she’s a god, she’s a queen
She thinks you’re just a poster wall
To call when she has no one to talk to.

She is who she is
And who you are won’t make a difference
And you, you’re insignificant.

She is who she is
And she’s her own person
Except when she falls in love with the impossible.

She cares but she doesn’t care for real
She’s so high above you, so centered
She thinks you’re a beggar, a loser
Only to be reached when she needs someone.

She loves her lovers as she loves her lovers
But her lovers doesn’t love her
But for her that’s okay
She loves her lovers as she loves her lovers
But the one who truly loves her
She doesn’t need that, she doesn’t care.

Another sunset
Lost in the wind
Lost in time… again
Oh, silence…
Friend of mine
Times that are good
Horrible times
Ever going
Marinated in tears
Another assortment
Reality shocks
Tendered and broken
Hailing for love
Everything fails
Singular failing
Another collectiveness
Mourning the heart
Ending the gap.